~~~~~MISSING~~~~~

I look around the empty room trying to find some semblance of what I use to be
The girl who had not a care in the world and was surrounded by family and friends
But they have all gone to find a new path while I struggle along mine
And I am here just wasting time, wishing that someone would come back and help me
Can you see how this situation is stressing and driving me crazy?
I pretend to be happy for those that I care for, while on the inside my soul is torn in two
Save me from myself and help me return things to the way they once were
Take these tears and rebuild my home and family, all the way back to the core
I fear that this is only a dream and never will be reality for me again
Can you take me back to the days that had me smiling and wishing the summer could never end?
Back to the time where I could never miss a friend or wonder what happened to them
I want to see their smiles and again, reach out and hug them all; telling them it was fine to fall
What I miss most of all is the comfort that came with knowing that they were there
So can you do me a favor? Tell everyone that they did their best and I still love them

~~~~~Fading~~~~~

I feel myself fading more every day that I am alone
All the things that I need and want are slipping further away
You love someone else but tell me you will stay
Who am I to kept you from yout fate?
So I let you go and feel myself become a little less human
My heart breaks with every message that I remember
Every I love you was never really what you felt for me at all
You just said those things until you felt me completely fall
But that's ok because soon I will fade completely and will no longer care
With you my heart was thawing but now I feel it freezing back
Do you know that you have finally thrown me over the edge?
Those kindred to me cry out because they have seen the truth
Sadly they are stuck here while they watch me fade into my emotions
I do not care that you think I was in the wrong
What I cared about was you and you alone
But now you are gone and I am still here
So I must leave and start somewhere anew
I feel myself fading from this world and it is because of you I want to leave

~~~~~Deja Vu~~~~~

I’ve been down this road too many times before
I know where these tears and thoughts will lead
My only fear is that I might just succeed.
And then where will I be
Watching everyone who I’ve ever known cry
Seeing the look on their faces when they hear
That I’ll never again try to come near
But the pressure is building again
And I can’t keep the thoughts away
They tell me of the problems I cause
Of the fears they all let lead them astray
This road is a dangerous one but I tend to follow
I will fight and find myself where I dream of being

~~~~~Untitled~~~~~

Do you see what you have done to me?
The tears that your words are causing even now?
I know you don't because you would have never returned if you knew
I want nothing more than to understand why you left
The years have flown by without a single word from you
And yet you think I should give you a chance and listen
But if I did what would happen?
Would you only hurt me again?
Throw me right back to the side line only to wonder if it's me again?
You claim that nothing that happened was your fault
That you tried to be part of my life and you tried your best
The only thing that I know is that you were never there
Through the fear, pain, and tears I was alone
Time and again I had to suffer in silence and keep my head bowed
Question upon question rise to the occassion and I want to know
Was it your time and place to just leave?
Or was it something that I just will never understand?
Should I love myself for who I am or let you change me?
As someone who should have been there and seen it all
Are there things that I’ll never get?
These years have not been easy for me
Do you see what I have become?
A shattered and torn remnant of the human I should have been
So please just let me be what I am
And go back to your life before hand
I will not become you tool to use

~~~~~Love Me~~~~~

Love me for who I am and not for what you want me to be
You can have my love as long as I can be free
But if you can stand the person that I am then leave
Don't tell me that you love me if you hate what I am
I saw the disgust in your eyes when I told you
Never should have let you know
Showing my true self was the worst decision ever
I'll find someone who loves me no matter what though
You were just a stone hurtled in and out of my life
I was sure that you'd make me your wife
Things changed though and you walked out that night
I laid in bed crying and wishing for you back
Now I know that you were suppose to go
And if you should ever wonder about us
I loved you for a time but you ruined that
When you claimed to no longer be mine

~~~~~Goodbyes~~~~~

Goodbyes are never easy for us to say
When we look around the room at each other
We'd rather just hug one another and stay
I don't want to see all the ones I love and care for fade
I'd rather see them forever young and under the shade
But this will never really happen for me
I'll have to say goodbye to everyone eventually
My eyes and my heart can't take to many more
Just this one last time will have to do
I just want you all to know
How much I love and will miss you

~~~~~Alone~~~~~

We all go through life alone until we that special someone
The one person that is there with us through everything
But I'm sure that that will never happen for me
I'll be the one person left alone under the shade tree
Fresh tears running down my face day and night
No one there to keep away my worst nightmares
I will be the one who sits and watches everyone dance
The wallflower who's left to sit and play with the hem of her dress
If that's how it's to be I don't think I could take much more
Because with every passing day I grow sadder
And long for that one sound knock at my heart's door

~~~~~KayKayBear69~~~~~

If I could change everything you've been through I would
Your tears would be useless and sadness would never follow you
I would hold you close and you would have no fears
Anything you wanted would be at the palm of your hands
We would go through life just happy to have each other
Never worrying about ever having to feel the pain of lost love
My arms would keep you sheltered on the coldest nights
I know that we are perfect together because when I see you I smile
But when you cry all I can think of is making you happy again
Just think of me when you are sad, lonely, or confused
Because no matter where you are I'd rather see you grin
Than your tears running down your cheeks

Those Fateful Days (Chapter II)

When Rose's parents had finally shown up at the hospital, Charlotte had already been allowed to see the newborn baby. As they were discussing what to do about the child being motherless, and soon to be fatherless, they were notified by the police that Jasper had been found. He was found asleep at a friend's house, still covered in Rose's blood, as if it wasn't even a big deal. The more Charlotte talked to Mr. and Mrs. Wittman, the more she realized that they really didn't want anything to do with their own grandson. Upon, this realization, she started the process of gaining custody of her best friend's new born baby boy. She went to the courthouse and filed the right paperwork, before visiting the Whitman’s at their home, where they were currently taking care of Dorian until they could find a proper home for him. Charlotte took a calming breath as she walked up the stairs to their front door, "You can do this Charlotte Ann Hughes, they don't want the baby anyway, and they’re just waiting for someone to take it off their hands...."

She raised her hand to the doorbell, but before she could even ring it a maid opened it and greeted her. "Mr. and Mrs. Wittman have been expecting you for some time now Miss Hughes." The maid stepped back out of the door way to allow Charlotte entrance as she thanked her. Charlotte looked around the large foyer of the house as the maid took her coat from her and hung it up. "If you'll follow me this way ma'am, they're expecting you in the sitting room." She quickly turned her attention towards the maid who was already going into another room, without another glance in her direction. "Can you, um, tell me why they would be expecting me I didn't give them any warning that I was coming over for a visit?"

She stumbled over her own feet as she hurried to catch up to the well-dressed woman that was leading her through what seemed like a maze of rooms. "All I know Ms. Hughes is that they have been waiting for you to come and ask for complete custody of their only grandchild," she paused as she stepped up to a set of closed doors, " Now, if you'll just go in the sitting room they'll give you all the answers that you want." The maid quickly turned on her heels and headed of in the opposite direction as Charlotte opened one of the doors and entered what looked like an over-spaced family room. The Wittmans stood to quickly greet their deceased daughter's friend, Mrs. Wittman was the first person to speak as she pulled Charlotte into a gentle hug, "We hope that you have been well since we last saw you at the hospital," she pauses trying to remember the young lady's name who is standing in front of her and her husband, "Charlotte." As she finally pulls away, Mr. Wittman takes Charlotte's hand in his and shakes it strongly. "I know that what happened, came as a shock , to us all but there is someone else who is involved besides us." He gestures for Charlotte to take a seat in the armchair as him and his wife sit down together on the couch.

"You know Charlotte, that I and Alissa are both unable to give our whole attention to one Dorian's size," he leans forward, looking her straight in the eye, "We also know that you really want to raise him because Rose was like a sister to you." When he pauses this time Charlotte decides that if she wants to talk she might as well hurry and get her two-sense in, "If you want me to be perfectly honest about it Mr. Wittman, then I will." She leans forward in her chair mocking his position he had just took to talk to her, "I want Dorian because I know that Rose wasn't given the attention she should have been when she was growing up, and I know that you and Mrs. Wittman neither one want anything to do with him because he looks more like Jasper than he does Rose. Now, if you really care about him, you'll sign the papers I have for you and by the end of the week I'll have custody of him. I'm not saying that you can't see him, or anything like that, I'm just saying I'm more willing to give him the attention and love that he's going to want and need as he grows. Here's the papers," she stood up as she laid them down on the table, "All I'm asking is that you make the right decision, not for me, but for your grandson who's upstairs. Just give me a call when you decide." She gives them both a polite smile before she turns to leave the room. When she walks out, she bumps into the same maid who had lead her through the house and to the Wittmans, "Do you mind showing me how to get out of here?"

The maid just nods her head politely and begins to show Charlotte back to the front of the house. Before she leaves the house completely thought the maid says one more thing that surprises her, "I think you're completely in the right for wanting custody of Dorian Miss Hughes. I've been here for years now and they don't even act like they're married anymore." The maid turns quickly and leaves before Charlotte has the chance to ask what she means by that. As she made her way back to her car, she couldn't help but wonder if she did the right thing by being so forward with Rose's parents.

But instead of dwelling on it and regretting her decision she just shrugged it off and decided that if she thought about it too much she would only end up going back in the house and apologizing for being so straight forward. What Charlotte didn't expect was to get a call two days later, almost exactly two months after Rose's death, from her lawyer saying that the Wittmans had dropped off the paperwork and had signed away all of their rights to their only daughter's son.

"I can't believe this," Charlotte was still on the phone with her lawyer who was just as shocked as she was, "I mean, I expected them to agree but to waver all their rights and decide to never want to see him again?" She sighed into the phone loudly, before Mr. Lockhart her lawyer answered, "I know this is just as much a shock to me as it is to you Charlotte, maybe when you go to pick the child up next Monday, you can get some answers from them. But for now I'm going to have to go and finish up having all of this filed." After hanging up with him, Charlotte decided that if she was going to have a two month old child in her house that she was going to make it feel like this was the home he always belonged in.

Those Fateful Days (Chapter I)

When Rose was only seven years old, she dreamed of meeting her Prince Charming, and starting her own family. She just didn't ever believe that it would happen so soon. She was only seventeen, pregnant, and standing at the altar with her twenty-three year old boyfriend, Jasper. She knew that it wasn't really true love; she had practically begged Jasper to marry her just so she wouldn't have to give the baby away or abort it. She'd spent hours just crying and debating whether or not she should just run away with her child instead. So, here she was, two months pregnant, waiting to be married, and dreading the life that was awaiting her on the other side. She knew for a fact that he would probably give it enough time to make the birth seem less scandalous before he left her and her baby alone to defend for them.

But what she didn't expect was him to turn abusive and lose his job with his dad only a month after they were married. At first it was just abusive words when he came home and supper wasn't done or she hadn't finished cleaning the house, but as the first month turned into a second and Rose entered her fourth month of pregnancy, it didn't matter if anything was done or not. He had been looking for work now for at least a month and she thought that for sure he could have found something by now but she wasn't one to question a man's actions. She had even tried to get him to accept a job working with her dad but he slapped her and said that he was no charity case and didn't need help supporting his family. So, she quit trying to support him and let him do whatever it was he wanted to during the day. It didn't take long for her to find out that he was going with friends to bars and picking up women, before coming home to her every night at around eight, this continued for another month. But, just to make it like she didn't know anything, she would ask him how the job hunting was coming along.

She made that very mistake one night at around ten when he came home. When he came through the door and handed her his coat and hat, she put them in the closet before turning to him and asking the same question she did every night, even though she could smell the whiskey on his breath. She comes to stand behind where he's seated before asking, "How did your job hunting go today sweetie?" Suddenly, he stands and stares at her with bloodshot eyes before screaming, "How the hell do you think it went?" He stepped closer to her before bringing his hand up and slapping her across the face, but before she even had the chance to react he brought his hand back the other way and slapped her again. By now he was yelling at the top of his lungs, "How the fuck am I supposed to put up with you asking me the same damn question every day?" He kicks her in the shin causing her to fall to her knees as she begins to sob in earnest. "You're nothing but an ungrateful little whore, you know that?"

He starts hitting her head and all she can do is ball up in defense and cover her head the best she can with her arms. All she can do is pray that he doesn't decide to hit her anywhere near her stomach. She knew that even though she was six months now and the baby was good and healthy, that if Jasper was given the chance he'd kick her in the stomach and end the problem then and there. When he finally kicked her in the back and stalked away to their room she let out a nervous sigh and prayed that that was it for the night. He usually didn't remember when he would beat her; he'd get up the next day and act as if nothing ever happened. So, she decided that she would bide her time over the next month, and ask around to friends about getting her own place before she would tell him it was over. Days turned into weeks and the day came on a Thursday night that she finally decided she had enough money to leave.

Her friend, Charlotte was supposed to come and get her the next day so she could stay at her place until after her son's birth. The very next morning before he left to meet his friends she told him. "Jasper, we need to talk about some things," she came up from behind his chair and stood in front of him, "I'm tired of the way you've been treating me." He just looked up at her from his paper like whatever she said didn't really matter to him, "And just what do you think couldn't wait until later tonight?" He folded his paper on his lap and crossed his knees waiting patiently for her to start nagging. She took a deep breath before she began telling him everything that he had been doing in the past months that she knew he'd been lying about. "I know that you've been going out with friends, getting drunk, and sleeping with other women Jasper. I know that, really it's just you're way of dealing with the stress of losing your job. But when you started beating me, that's where I'm drawing the line. I can't let our son grow up in a house where he has to witness violence every day of his life. I'm leaving you, and there's nothing you can say to change my mind."

He remained completely calm and quiet until she was finished, but when she turned away from him to go get her bags he stood. "Now, what makes you think that I'm going to let you leave me so easily?" He came up behind her while she was getting her coat out of the closet. When she turned around, he punched her in the face and knocked her unconscious with one hit. When she crumpled to the floor, he calmly walked to the kitchen, grabbed a knife out of the drawer, and came back. Before he did anything else, he ran his hand over her face. He then drew the knife back and started stabbing her in the face and chest repeatedly, purposefully avoiding her stomach.

After he thought he'd done enough damage he threw the knife down, and calmly walked out the door. When Charlotte arrived at Noon to pick up Rose, she couldn't help but feel uneasy as she walked up the steps. She easily shrugged it off as nervousness to what her and Rose had been planning, she had told her friend to make sure and tell Jasper nothing of their plans because she was afraid for her life. But when she reached up and knocked the door came open too easily and she entered the house calling Rose's name. What she stumbled upon was the most horrible thing she had ever seen in her life. Rose was lying in a pool of her own blood and barely breathing, she quickly pulled her phone out and dialed nine-one-one. When the ambulance and police arrived, Charlotte was kneeling in the floor next to Rose.

When they came in to get Rose, she told them that she was seven months pregnant; upon hearing this news the paramedics gave each other concerned looks. They knew the danger was not only to Rose now but her unborn baby too. They also knew that if they could keep her stable long enough to get her to the hospital, which was only a fifteen minute drive away, there was a huge chance of saving the child. When they loaded her into the ambulance,

Charlotte hopped in her car and followed them to the hospital, where she waited for news on her dying friend. It was hours before a middle aged man came out and introduced himself as Dr. Cosby. He told her that he hated to be bringing her any bad news but that Rose had passed away from blood loss only minutes after they performed a C-section and saved her son from the same fate. When she heard the news all she could do was cry and incoherently thank him for trying his best. When he asked if Rose had any immediate family, she calmed herself enough to give him the phone number and address of her parents.