xX Tinkerbell Xx Offline

32 Single Female from Brunswick       1764
         
No, I won't answer your Private Messages. Speak to me in the rooms if you wish to chat.

HeartMachine
HeartMachine: You can always join via zoom at my lodge
4 days ago Report Link
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xX Tinkerbell Xx
xX Tinkerbell Xx: Well! My intuition was SPOT ON with my new therapist, I absolutely love that lady! She's super down to earth and kind, artsy fartsy, cusses like a sailor, and keeps it super real.
She gave me a buncha stuff today to help in between visits - a pretty little red notebook for jotting down questions or notes for or in sessions, a gratitude journal FOR ADULTS that has the F word and other expletives sprinkled throughout it , a stretchy bracelet thing but I don't like how it feels so I am using it to hold my journal and pen together, a bamboo straw on a necklace that's intended for de-escalating panic attack breathing... but I tried it and it makes me feel like I'm suffocating and makes it 1000000000 × worse, so now it's a pretty lamp decoration AND the MOST exciting thing! - a self assessment screening questionnaire for ADHD in women, which she and I will go over on my next visit. She mentioned having resources for psychologists who can help me further with that if I end up scoring for it. I'm leaning more towards Autism, but she's the one with the degree and we have to start SOMEWHERE, so Imma trust her and do the work. Either way, we'll come out of it with more answers than I had going into it.

I left her office feeling lighter and happier, even though it was pretty much a meet n greet meeting and we didn't get into literally ANYTHING about my past, I feel like we're starting out on a really good note and going in the right direction and I'm super excited for my next appointment.
5 days ago Report Link
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xX Tinkerbell Xx
xX Tinkerbell Xx: I start in office therapy today!
I'm equally excited and terrified
Besides a couple telehealth sessions during the pandemic, I've never had therapy, and I'm finally ready to just talk it all out. I'm excited because this lady's profile online really spoke to, she looks like the type of person I could be friends with so it'll be easier to trust her and open up to her with my trauma. I'm hoping we can talk about medication for anxiety/depression - not forever, just until I'm a little more mentally/emotionally stable. (I'm not in crisis, I just need a little help healing and dealing while I learn better coping techniques) and I hope she has resources to accelerate the process of Autism/ADHD screening. I DO have an appointment with a psychologist for that, but it's not until MARCH 2025 and I reallyyy don't want to wait that long!
I've suspected being on the spectrum for a long time, but I am not sure which "quirks" are symptoms or just PTSD shining through. So, it'll be nice to have help sorting all THAT out.
I am terrified because this is a new person, and a new place hours away from "my" town. I have to drive the interstate and I hate that because of the high speeds and absolute fuckery that goes on on those long stretches of road. So, I have a lot of anxiety about just GETTING there, and then there's the obvious, new people and places have always been hard for me, I KNOW I'm going to have trouble unmasking at first but I'm going to try really hard to go in there calm and cool. One of my friends offered to make the drive with me and wait for me in the car but I really feel like I need to do this alone... also she's a bit mental and needs therapy like a mofo and I don't want any of her anxiety and influences rubbing off on me, because it's a two hour drive... my mom is being super supportive and although she's working and can't make the drive with me either, she did give me a little money for gas and tolls, and having extra cash on hand always takes some anxiety off my plate and makes me feel more secure, especially in new places.
I have SO MUCH to tell her... from my upbringing, to surviving my first domestic violence attack nearly 13 years ago, to surviving this most recent relationship just over a month ago. It will be nice to be seen and heard. It'll hit different to hear "You're not crazy, that was abuse" from a professional vs friends and family.
So! Wish me luck! The appointment is at 3pm! I'm going out doordashing this morning to get me out of the house and keep my mind occupied and then I'll be headed up that way! I'll probably check in and let y'all know how it went this evening or tomorrow, depends on how much time I need to process it all.

Here's to new and beautiful chapters
5 days ago Report Link
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xX Tinkerbell Xx
xX Tinkerbell Xx in reply to talltonka: Thank you, and yeah, we only get an hour twice a month SO that is no where long enough to get through all of it lol, good things take time
5 days ago Report
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Matty Thoms
Matty Thoms: Good luck my friend! Hope you find some peace
5 days ago Report
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Travis1975
Travis1975: Good luck!
5 days ago Report
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xX Tinkerbell Xx
xX Tinkerbell Xx: Rainnnn, rain, rain!
The new Ivy is repotted and tucked in with my other plants I'm really impressed with how quickly it's adjusting, it's vines are spreading out very nicely, I place the longest vine inwards, I'm hoping I can sun train it to lift instead of crawling downwards. I will give it a week to adjust to it's new home and recover from repotting trauma, then I'll probably prop it up and start climb training it ✨️🌱💕
9 days ago Report Link
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xX Tinkerbell Xx
xX Tinkerbell Xx in reply to Sir Loin: Oh no, the outside garden is for food! Plants like this stay inside, for decoration 💕
9 days ago Report
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Sir Loin
Sir Loin: ivy is choking out some of my fruit trees, it seems to come through from the neighbours on one side while bamboo is invading on the other side
9 days ago Report
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Srchng4Truth
Srchng4Truth in reply to Sir Loin: My brother had some bamboo in his yard. It was REALLY hard to get rid of!
9 days ago Report
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xX Tinkerbell Xx
xX Tinkerbell Xx: I treated myself to a new ivy 🌱💕 I've lost all mine in the recent moves (a few other plants survived) and it's my absolute favorite to grow
I'll take another picture in the sunshine tomorrow ✨️
11 days ago Report Link
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xX Tinkerbell Xx
xX Tinkerbell Xx: I totally forgot to take a picture but I repotted it and moved it to the sunroom with my other plants
10 days ago Report
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xX Tinkerbell Xx
xX Tinkerbell Xx: So tired of dating men!
Ladies! Form a line! 💅🌈💕
14 days ago Report Link
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Ronikshr
Ronikshr: r u sure? U didnt give me chance to date lol
13 days ago Report
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Sliced Bread
Sliced Bread: What's ur policy concerning cross-dressers?
12 days ago Report
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Dirsten Kunst
Dirsten Kunst: Okieee
12 days ago Report
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xX Tinkerbell Xx
13 days ago Report Link
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neri stangirl
neri stangirl: if i had a daughter in your situation i would have wanted her to take the same hard road you have taken, and be as brave as you prove yourself to be every day
13 days ago Report
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xX Tinkerbell Xx
xX Tinkerbell Xx: Season two, ExCapades
He's still talking shit on fb, lyinggg lying lying. I've had quite enough! He even took to screenshooting messenger and posting it publicly. 🙄 ... of me trying to extend an olive branch to squash this because we both have to live in that town.
The last thing he thought I would do is start clapping back. Sharing MY screen shots. On his posts about me. 🙃 Standing up for myself against his wild insults and accusations. It got outta hand REAL quick. And I don't even give a fuck. 🖕
Exposed him twice actively lying in the comment section. Slowly the other commenters went from "yeah fuh dah bich" attitudes to "hey man... let's get a cup of coffee and have a chat..." - He's got a lot of explaining to do to a LOT of people.
I'm sure tomorrow he'll start posting again... I think I'll just leave him with graceful silence and indifference... I've made my points.
Or, I'll become a complete fucking menace and blow kisses when I see his scowling ass, troll his posts until he blocks me. He wants to be petty, I can match energies. So, we'll take it as far as he wants to.
The real ones know better. And that's all that matters.
Imma show this billy badass who the real gangsta is here.
(((fight me bitch)))
19 days ago Report Link
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Demented Doll
Demented Doll: Who is this character? Do you need backup?
18 days ago Report
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xX Tinkerbell Xx
xX Tinkerbell Xx in reply to Demented Doll: Nah, he's hanging himself. If ANYTHING, all the hateful and toxic posts will be a huge red flag for the next girl he tries to victimize. This is my ex irl, he's a reallll piece of work.
18 days ago Report
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Demented Doll
Demented Doll in reply to xX Tinkerbell Xx: Let me know. I’ll get my baseball bat and my bag of tricks
18 days ago Report
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xX Tinkerbell Xx
xX Tinkerbell Xx: I had such a wonderful day with family today
I woke up late and jumped right in with my parents, cleaning up the yard and back porch so we could throw a family bbq today. It hadn't been touched in nearly a decade or so, so we scrubbed and cleared and swept and mopped and tidied up the yard and the trails around it. We took the side by side and went out around the 15 acres. My brother wanted to bring out my niece's little kid wheeler and let her rip through the trails. 😊💕 some of our extended family on my mother's side even popped in and went for a zip through the trails. It was a fantastic time, good music and good food! And ofc, it was amazing to see my new nephew Wes omg, nearly 4 months old, he's got such big, curious blue eyes 🥺💕 and a total sweetheart 💙
Now everyone's home and everything's cleaned up and I'm sitting out on this newly cleaned porch, enjoying a toke and watching bats swoop through the twilight, feasting on all the bugs we stirred up with mowing and clearing trails.
It's so peaceful out here 😌 💕 and I felt so useful and connected today. Moving forwards never felt so good 💜
21 days ago Report Link
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Srchng4Truth
Srchng4Truth: I'm so glad you had such a wonderful day!
21 days ago Report
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xX Tinkerbell Xx
xX Tinkerbell Xx: Took a day off yesterday to pamper myself and disappear into a book I've been reading and take lots of naps and eat lots of chocolate ice cream.

I woke up today with sunshine bursting out of me, I'm in such a good mood and feel SO well rested. My ex is smart and he doesn't want to go back to prison, so I trust that the visit from the police yesterday scared him straight and he'll leave me the fuck alone.

I have decided, that I'm going to keep all my screens and photos in case he's dumb enough to try anything, but other than that, I'm just going to drop it and MOVE ON! I don't want to go to court, I don't want this dragged out, I don't NEED him to go to jail or catch a charge, I NEED peace and to move on with my life.

I made a counter post on FB to let my friends, families and our mutuals know what was going on, I didn't namedrop like him, and I didn't call names or make any false statements, I didn't post screens or photos of bruises but offered them up to anyone who got pulled into the situation (by him) and needed clarity. I stood my ground with calm, class and intelligence.

The outpouring of support and love from my community has done a LOT to heal my heart ❤️ so many men and women messaged me to offer support and kind words, it truly made me see that I was never as alone as he made me feel.

I am carrying a gun when I go out because he's an absolute MOUNTAIN of a man and only a gun could stop him if he's angry and headed my way.

But, I will not live my life in fear, silence or allow him to pull me down anymore. I got a smile and a pewpew. He can fuck around and find out, but imma do me otherwise!

I'm making breakfast for mum and I, then I'm headed out to work early to make a little extra coin for the day, probably treat myself to a little thrifting spree or wander around the antique mall for an hour or so.

Who knows what the day will bring!
24 days ago Report Link
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xX Tinkerbell Xx
xX Tinkerbell Xx in reply to xX Tinkerbell Xx: *wouldn't put it past him
24 days ago Report
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xX Tinkerbell Xx
xX Tinkerbell Xx: And just for the record, if he puts me in the position where I have to pull a gun, killing him will be the LAST resort. I'd rather shoot his legs out from under him and just immobilize him while calling the cops. Local law enforcement knows the situation and knows I'm carrying, which was their suggestion when I decided to not charge him or get the PFA through the court system.
24 days ago Report
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Travis1975
Travis1975 in reply to xX Tinkerbell Xx: Glad your taking steps for your safety.
24 days ago Report
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xX Tinkerbell Xx
xX Tinkerbell Xx: Well, the crazy Ex Capades aren't over it seems. Today he heard that I was telling the truth about what happened between us by mutuals. And he came after me and started blowing up my phone. I blocked him so he started a smear campaign and put me on blast on Facebook.
I finally had enough and talked to the police. They served him with a no trespassing and cease harassment order. When he opened the door to them, he lied to their faces, telling them he's never heard of me and didn't even recognize my name. This was about an hour after he namedropped and started lying about me on fb.
The police are urging me very strongly to take my pictures of bruises and screenshots to the courthouse tomorrow and charging him in addition to getting a PFA.
I'm so tired. I wish he'd just stop. I left him over 2 weeks ago.
26 days ago Report Link
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neri stangirl
neri stangirl: be careful and stay safe
24 days ago Report
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xX Tinkerbell Xx
xX Tinkerbell Xx: It was an act. Abort, abort, abort.
*takes my sense of emotional safety and runs*
28 days ago Report Link
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xX Tinkerbell Xx
xX Tinkerbell Xx: The biggest issue with living with my parents:
Although my dad has cat allergies they allowed me to bring my three cats, on condition that they stay in the heated, sealed, finished basement.
My room is up on the 2nd floor, so there is an entire first floor between my room and the basement.
The first week was fine, the cats were adjusting to the new place and sounds so they kept mostly to themselves and I would visit and spend time playing with them throughout the day and when I got home from work.
This week.... George, my big, loud cuddlebug, who seeks me out when I'm sad, has started clawing at the door at the top of the stairs and yowling. As soon as I go down to visit, he stops. So, it's not the house he wants, it's his mumma 😭😭😭
He can't come up because of dad's allergies
And he can't be clawing at that door which is a very nice, wooden door that's original to the house.
Today I got so stressed about it, and felt so helpless that I dragged my blankets and a pillow downstairs and took a nap with him on the cat carpet on top of the concrete.
Despite the rough sleeping conditions on a concrete floor and thin carpet, it was an extremely good nap, because I had all THREE of my kitties sleeping on/around me like I normally do.
They REALLY ARE my emotional support babies and I was really torn up because I felt like I was abandoning them to a basement while living in comfort just out of their reach.

SO I'M MOVING TO THE BASEMENT!!!
Idgaf if it's weird, especially when I have a full bedroom and private bathroom available to me, I'd rather have my kitties close at hand and content.
It's too late in the day to shuffle things around and I have to go to work so I'm spending one more night up in my swanky, comfy bedroom, but tomorrow I'm dragging a cot and all my stuff downstairs and setting up so that I can be with them 💕

I hate that we're in this situation, I hate that I had to start over AGAIN, but as long as I have my kitties, everything is gonna be just fine. 💕
1 month ago Report Link
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Matty Thoms
Matty Thoms: Happy birthday!
1 month ago Report
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Butterology
Butterology: Happy birthday ❤️
1 month ago Report
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Blackshoes
Blackshoes: Happy Birthday
1 month ago Report
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xX Tinkerbell Xx
xX Tinkerbell Xx: Feminine Rage be no joke.
Honestly homicidal.
1 month ago Report Link
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wickedevilsmile
wickedevilsmile: Raging because
1 month ago Report
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xX Tinkerbell Xx
xX Tinkerbell Xx in reply to wickedevilsmile: People are two faced twats.
1 month ago Report
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wickedevilsmile
wickedevilsmile: Oh well that’s a daily happening in my world
1 month ago Report
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xX Tinkerbell Xx
xX Tinkerbell Xx: Grosssss I had a ptsd dream about him. I'm so mad he is STILL taking things from me. Precious sleep, time and energy.
In the nightmare he somehow bypassed the blocking on FB and started messaging me, he said "let's talk..." and started spamming photos of us and memories and all kinds of emotionally manipulative shit. I refused to respond so he showed up at my parent's house and snuck inside, sat on my bed and watched me napping.

I woke up in such a panic, ready to throw hands and yell for my father to get the gun. No one was here. Just me and my bed and bad dreams.

Goddssss I need a joint. x.x
1 month ago Report Link
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Mushin UNLEASHED
Mushin UNLEASHED: Stay strong tink ... 💪
1 month ago Report
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xX Tinkerbell Xx
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Travis1975
Travis1975: Beautiful but, not as beautiful as you.
1 month ago Report
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Srchng4Truth
Srchng4Truth: Beautiful!
1 month ago Report
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Princess Melody
Princess Melody: Lovely
1 month ago Report
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xX Tinkerbell Xx
xX Tinkerbell Xx: Totally stoked, I asked my dad about having a little corner set up in the garage so I can start carving and faceting gemstones again, and intending to buy a new dremel to get started up again, and he came home and gave me this little dual band grinder/polisher with an attached flexible dremel tip.
I'm OVER THE MOON about it and can't wait to get diamond bits and polishing grits for it, I need to hunt down a nice bag of rough gemstone to work on too.

THIS is what I want to work towards, these little stone carvings are going to pay the tuition for the Gemological Institute of America. I'm still sitting on the acceptance letter, idk if it carries over after a couple years and I have to reapply but that's the direction and these are the first steps! ✨️💎✨️
1 month ago Report Link
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xX Tinkerbell Xx
xX Tinkerbell Xx: Ugh, NEVERMIND
Apparently it's too much to ask suitors not to call me negative names like "silly girl" and "dork"
FYI - verbal abuse escalates from there!

I took a nap about it, and when I woke up, I blocked the dude and deleted my dating app profile.

IMMA DATE MYSELF

And as a side note, I've realized that I'm so used to my world revolving around someone else that I haven't really done anything for myself in the past 10 years or so. I haven't bought a new wardrobe, I haven't spoiled myself with trips and dining experiences, I haven't pursued my goals and dreams, I haven't given my body the exercise and nourishment it deserves, Ihaven't spent enough time reading my books!

This is MY era! This is MY comeback! This is FUCKING PERSONAL. ✨️👑✨️
1 month ago Report Link
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love2chat4fun
love2chat4fun: enjoy your ERA and dont let anyone ruin it
1 month ago Report
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xX Tinkerbell Xx
xX Tinkerbell Xx: Feeling better, looking better, breathing easier! Single life looks good on me!
1 month ago Report Link
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snidge
snidge in reply to xX Tinkerbell Xx: Don't be surprised if you find you need time to process this last relationship, it may take time for it all to sink in and to decompress. It may not have lasted a long time but it sounds like a lot went on there. Time for yourself, as suggested by Luviissa, sounds like a great idea. Love yourself first and foremost!
1 month ago Report
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neri stangirl
neri stangirl: i hope you are recovering well and are safe, the road you chose is so brave but so rocky, keep us posted
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love2chat4fun 1 month ago Report
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xX Tinkerbell Xx
xX Tinkerbell Xx: I am not feeling so hopeless today.
I think it has been getting better and easier to exist since I started up my Finch self care app again. I used it a few years ago and it really helped me stay on track with self care goals, anxiety and stress reducing exercises and.... clarity.

You see, nervous systems don't understand nuances.
PTSD doesn't understand that we were laughing and joking when he grabbed me, shook me and threw me on the couch. My nervous system didn't register that his love language is rough housing and his words were loud but filled with laughter and love. My nervous system didn't realize these nuances, so I whimpered, and held my hands up to protect myself, and crossed my legs to further protect myself. My nervous system made me freeze.

But my nervous system had nothing to do with him not even clocking my reaction, and him walking away to shower like everything was okay. I listened to him in the shower for about ten minutes before I could unfreeze my body, and tell the tears that they weren't needed.

Is he abusive? No.
He may lash out verbally when mad and in conflict, and he may leave bruises on me when we rough house too hard, but he would never intentionally cause me harm.

Is he a bad person? Also no.
He is a product of his environment and has a lot of unresolved trauma to work through. Add a dash of "manly man who turns wrenches for a living" and our rural setting and he's definitely the type of man who says dumb, misogynistic shit online without seeing the problem because "it's just a joke"

Are we right for each other? No.
It's so hard to admit because I really like him and enjoy him for who he is when he and I are all alone and talking and cuddling.
But... the truth is that I've been living in survival mode because, despite knowing the shit I've been through (in great detail) he still does stuff that triggers me... like shaking me and throwing me onto the couch while yelling (even though it was a playful thing and there was no anger, my nervous system doesn't understand nuances!)... like trying to throw me out every time we fight (his trauma response is to push people away, and that causes me to have issues with stability, security and rejection)... like shoving things in my face or patting my cheek (domestic violence trigger)... like waking me up loudly and jarringly every morning (he doesn't recognize me jumping and holding my arms over my face as a trauma response)... like him calling me names that make me feel bad about myself, or making jokes at my expense (men in my past were very mentally/emotionally/verbally abusive)

Is any of that his fault? Yes and no.
My triggers are my responsibility and I do my best to manage what I can and make people around me aware of things that might bother me, so that small issues don't become big issues. I'm very vocal about my condition and know my triggers, and share that knowledge, and even my experiences (if they care for the details) with those around me.

It is his fault though, for knowing these things bother me, and still doing them. It's not that hard to be gentle with people who need gentle handling. It shouldn't be a repeating conversation. I don't know if he just doesn't get it, or just doesn't care, or if he thinks I'm lying and testing me (this is a weird thought and it's weird that I would think that he's doing that but it's almost like he's trying to figure out where the line is) but all things said and done, I can't live like this.

And living like this has been making me more emotional, and reactive, and things that probably shouldn't have been fights became fights, because my nervous system is in a constant loop of fight, flight and freeze.

I just don't have the kind of thick skin it takes to be with a wild man like him. And I'll never have that kind of thick skin because my brain has forever been altered by trauma.

I've been working long hours and since he works days and I work nights, we haven't seen much of each other, and I'm finding a lot of clarity in the time apart, and seeing the interactions from when we're together a lot clearer.

I'm getting my bills sorted out quickly with all this extra work and have been getting ahead on my car loan, to raise my credit score. I have my eyes on an FHA loan and my own home. Not going for anything crazy, just a mobile home in a nice park, so that my kitties and I will be safe and stable and not need any man in our lives.

You know you're healing... when the dream goes from "I got to get away from this guy and find Mr. Right" to "I've got to get away from this guy and find PEACE."
1 month ago Report Link
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snidge
snidge: You deserve peace and to feel safe
1 month ago Report
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neri stangirl
neri stangirl: nobody has the right to throw you around, even if it's done in a playful way
1 month ago Report
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Kicker_
Kicker_: Hate to say it but you gotta get out now...a lot of what you typed are like....not SUREFIRE signs that someone is abusive but...when you read this a long time from now you will be like "How did all of this not clue me in for what he was actually like"...which in all likelihood is abusive. Be careful ok
1 month ago Report
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xX Tinkerbell Xx
xX Tinkerbell Xx: Oh thank Goddess
First night at my parent's house went better than I thought.
I managed to unpack and calm down enough to actually work last night, even after all the drama of packing up and leaving an abusive relationship.
I got home and went downstairs to visit my kitties, my dad has cat allergies so they'll have to stay in the finished basement but I'm sure they'd prefer that, my parent's have three BIG dogs and my kitties have never been around dogs, so they're all set on that lol!
They're adjusting well and love all the extra space to play. I'm thrilled I didn't have to put them in a shelter, because that would literally destroy me.
I figured I would get hit by a wave of emotion and cry myself to sleep, but I found nothing in my heart for him.
It's finally over.
Never going back again.
1 month ago Report Link
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xX Tinkerbell Xx
xX Tinkerbell Xx: I take it back, he absolutely is abusive.
I'm out though. Mom came and helped me pack up, living with her and dad until I can get back on my feet.
Knew at 7am that I had to leave today or risk more harm, packed up and left while he was at work. 130pm now and I'm settling in and unpacking at mom's.
I'm okay now.
It became an emergency situation very quickly but I'm okay now.
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snidge
snidge: Pleased you have your parents there to support you. Much love.
1 month ago Report
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snidge
snidge: Well done for getting out of there.
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Travis1975
Travis1975: Glad you are safe.
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xX Tinkerbell Xx
xX Tinkerbell Xx changed her profile picture: 2 years ago Report
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Realm_of_Death101
Realm_of_Death101: So sweet and innocent Young Lady
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sanemlove62
sanemlove62: Hello gorgeous
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jam2912
jam2912: 😘
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