Teeth McQueen Offline

101 In a relationship Male from Hartford       212
         

Blog

Eric Garner / the Police


The video of the recent murder of Eric Garner is one of the most disgusting things I've ever seen. While the Ferguson case presented questions (conflicting forensics/testimony, etc), this situation is terrifyingly clear. The proposed solutions are apparently useless: 1. Body cameras: Nope. Filmed cops aren't charged. 2. Demilitarizing police: Nope. Garner's killer used his hands. 3. A more diverse police force: Nope. NYC has one the most diverse police forces in the country. After this grand jury decision, no one should be confused about the role of the police in our society. If you are still calling for "better relations" with the police, you're delusional. REAL TALK: The police are at war with our communities and people keep acting like we're just friends in an argument. We need to find ways to curb the power of police, to limit the amount of police, to monitor and confront them when they attack us. I'm sick of this shit.

depression / get help

In 2000 I went to see my first psychiatrist. The only remarkable thing about the appointment was the moment when he cut me short as I was very discreetly dancing around the period molestation that marked my tween years to ask if I had ever been on any antidepressants before. After that 45 minute consult I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder by the harried young physician who eagerly stuffed a months worth of Celexa samples into my sweaty trembling palms.

Over the next 14 years I'd go on and off similar meds as they simply didn't work and caused me no small amount of sexual dysfunction (in my prime seed sewing years, unacceptable!) This probably wasn't the best solution as I still felt firmly and constantly in the throes of "some poisonous fog bank roll[ing] in upon my mind." I muddled through mostly because, I still had some friends, the hope of completing law school/securing fulfilling work, various obsessive “collecting” behaviors, a succession of highly risky self-destructive pastimes, and a very comforting near constant habit of suicidal ideation to fall back on (like a program that’s constantly running in the background).

By the summer of 2014 I’d run out of ….. everything. I started seeing a new psychiatrist that re-diagnosed me as bi-polar and put me on totally new class of meds. So, I suppose the last 14 years were a mistake. The new meds are making me get fat and feel dull headed, but i suppose that’s a little better than living like a shut in, obsessively collecting things, and fantasizing about dying all day long.

Anyway, my real point is mental illness is serious business. It will catch up to you. If you think you need help, get help sooner rather than later. If you suspect you’ve been given a bad diagnosis get a second opinion. These things don't just magically work themselves out on their own.

Best,
Louie