My Foggy Dream

I had a strange dream that woke me up this morning ........

I was driving my car to work and went through a really thick bank of fog ........ My car seemed to stop and I flet like i was floating in the fog ....... I remember hearing strange voices far away ....... Next thing I remember was being back in my car driving to work.

I arrived at work an there was something different about the place ...... I couldn't get into my office an the cleaner looked like she'd seen a ghost an said is that you chuck ... Which I thought was strange ......

The security guard came an took me to the reception area .... He said that I'd disappeared 5 years ago an hadn't been seen since ..... I thought he was having a laff .... Then other folk that I knew were coming into work and said the same thing ....

The police were called an they took me to hospital ..... My son and daughter came to the hospital and told me they had found my car at the side of the road 5 years ago an there wasn't any sign of me ..... They searched for ages to find me but couldn't ........

This was when I started to freak out so the doctor came to sedate me ...... It was then that the fog rolled in an I started screaming ...... i woke up sweating ........

OMG ..... What the hell does all that mean ???

I'm Famous !!!

I was reminscing about my old career as an actor .... yes that's right back in the day i used to be on telly. Have a look at some of the adverts i was involved

Me N Sharon





Me An Some Pals Out For A Ride




A Haka ... You Aint Seen The Like




Who's A Goat Now Then




Hope you enjoyed my wee taste of Scotland.

Chuck

More Scotland

Heres's some more rousing songs and scenery from Scotland.

This one is sung by a man dubbed 'The Scottish Elvis' ... the inimitable Sydney Devine. No Scotsman could fail to be roused by this song.




This one's a favourite at parties and weddings to give everyone a rousing send off before going home. Couple that with some of Loch Lomond's finest scenery and ..... well judge for yourseleves.




This has some Celtic music coupled with more views of Bonnie Scotland




Here's some of our footy songs being sung at Hampden before kick off. It's fantastic hearing 50,000 Scots (men, women & children) getting behind their team and generating that sepcial Hampden atmosphere.





Hope you enjoyed these.

TL

More Les 4 Kazz & Nikki

Here's more of Leslie since you both like him sooooo much.

Enjoy !!!!!!!







Chuckipoos

Swayze & Moore Versus Neilsen & Presley

Take the two hottest actors of the late eighties, add one of the greatest romantic theme tunes, and sprinkle in a little dash of eroticism. Mix it all up an what do you get ?????

Well let's just see .........




Now take this little concoction .... add in a little Leslie Neilsen humour an a bit of blonde crumpet and what does this turn out like ???

Here we go ... arguable one of the funniest mickey takes that he's done.




Now what do you make of all that ???

Chuck

Sam V's Seven ...... What A Dilema

Whilst commenting on a friends Sci fi post about SG1's Sam Carter i remembered another gorgeous sci fi babe that took my fancy ... Seven Of Nine from Star Trek Voyager.

Now who is my favourite .......

Sam does make mistakes and can be haunted by them and that gives an heir of vulnerability, however, she can still kick ass with the best of them. Here's a video tribute i found on you tube :




Seven on the other hand is part Borg and revels in perfection and once again she can kick ass when it counts. Watching her emotional and psycological growth to human from Borg was exzillarating and resistence to her would be futile . Heres some video evidence of this.




Now you see my dilema .... who to choose ?????

Ahhhhhh i've had a eureka moment ... why not choose both and have the ultimate fantasy .......

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A threesome with me, Sam and Seven ohhhhhhhhh i dont think i could handle that but what a way to go ...... with a huge on my face

Geronimo ... The Great Mathematition

The Native American Geronimo, as well as being a great warrior, was in fact a great mathematition.

He had three wives throughout his life and he used to make love with his first wife on a bed with buffalo hide covers. She bore him two strapping sons.

His second wife also bore him two sons and they used to make love on a bed covered with the hides of horses.

His third wife was amazing and she bore him no less than 4 sons whilst making love on a bed covered with hippopotomus hides, yes that's right hippopotomus hides.

What has this to do with maths .......
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Well he proved Pythagorus was correct by saying "The squaw on the hippotomus, equalled the sons of the sqauws on the other two hides"

Chuck

Garden S*x

Here's a wee story i was suddenly reminded about when i bumped into an ex neighbour .....

Years ago when me an my wife had just moved into our house, we to the local pub to celebrate. On our way home we were getting a bit frisky and when we were in the garden we decided to have a wee fumble and grope. Well we went a bit too far an ending up having sy$ in the garden (it was the back garden so we were out of site). Just as i was getting into my stride i felt something licking my a**e i looked round and there was our neighbours dog ... worse still ... the next door neighbour had followed him into the garden an was just standing there gawping at us she never said a word just called on her dog an ran off down the road, we were quite .
About a week later i was out cutting the front grass and the guy next door came over to talk to me, i though he was going to give me a talking to about the wee incident but he never mentioned it. he said he was having a party the following week an invited round. we were kinda .. wil we go .. will we not as we weren't sure about his wife. Anyway we decide to be bold as brass and just go as it was impolite not to. Later on during the night the guy said that their dog needed a walk but it was OK cos his wife had insisted on doing the late night walk for the past week but was always cross when she got back. He jokingly said that he thought she might have a boyfriend .. me an the wife just went red an never said a word.
I think the neighbour must have been looking for another free show

Anyway i bumped into her about a month ago and we had a chat an a laugh about what happened so asked how her hubby an dog were, she said that after the wee incident the dog had started to hump anything that moved so they'd had to get it castrated. Ooooooops

TL

Oldies N Viagra

Last week I was having a laff with a wire bud about oldies an Viagra and found myself in a funny situation at the weekend.
I was at a party an was sitting at the bar when an old biddie came by, as she passed me she tripped and her hand landed square in my nether regions, I was convinced she copped a feel before removing her hand but thought nawwww she’s about 80 an I must have been dreaming. After the aforementioned event she kept asking to buy me a drink an join her at her table for a chat, I decided then that she was trying to chat me up and tried to stay clear of her. She was very persistent so I relented and went and sat beside her. I was half way through my drink when she announced that she was on Viagra and could show me a thing or two .. well I spluttered and spilled my drink down my shirt. It was just then that I saw my mate an his missus Shelley pissing themselves laughing. It turned out to be Shelley’s auntie and she loved winding people up an guess who was the target that time. Anyway I was just finishing my drink when aunt Margaret said if I took her home she’d wash my shirt and give it back to me in the morning, at first I thought she was kidding again but she had a wee glint in her eye so I wasn’t sure
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Now for the past two nights I’ve been having nightmares where old Mrs D across the road and her pals are taking Viagra and having there wicked way with me arghhhhhh what would the shrinks say about that.
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I either must be getting desperate or I need to lay off the drink and keep a clear head …. What’s a man to do ??????

1st W*nk

Ages ago i was going out with a girl a few years younger than me. She was sweet, nieve and very virginal. One night we were getting really close an i thought 'yeah tonight im gonna get to pop her cherry', alas and alack she wasnt ready for that next step.
There was i lying there with a stiffy you could fly a flag on (OK mnaybe a slight exaggeration), so i asked if she'd give me a w*nk instead. She said that she'd never done that before so i told her i'd guide her through the process.
I told her to grasp hold of my caber (OK another exaggeration)an squeeze tightly, i then said to imagine it was a bottle of tomato ketchup an lay back awaiting the pleasure.
She gripped me even tighter ...
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then she smacked the top of my p*enis 5 times with the palm of her other hand.