smokeorama Offline

46 Male from Wellington       76
 

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Happy Valentine's Day!

Here's a classic Kiwi love song for you to enjoy .

The YouTube Rabbit Hole

We all go there.

And we all find stuff.

And I found this piece of Australian magic.

With only just over 400 views??

Outrageous! Let's change that.

Better Than Guns

So we've had a few mass shootings lately.

I guess it has something to do with our nature. Sometimes it's a powerful feeling to hold a thing in our hands and have everybody paying attention. Especially when we think we've not been noticed maybe. Or whatever reason.

When I was a kid they used to have cartoons where old school gangsters would suddenly produce a gun from a violin case. They don't have cartoons like that anymore. Not so much a "today" kind of thing.

But I was thinking, imagine if the gangster suddenly whipped out an actual violin? And started to play it? I'd pay attention. Music is better than gun fire. Humans should simply swap all of their weapons for musical instruments. Instead of fussing over bank notes we should fuss over musical notes!

As John Lennon once sang "Imagine all the people, living life in tuuuune".

He didn't really sing that.

It's a cool idea though. Even the humans couldn't mess that one up, could they?

Just think what it would be like ........

Life in Other Worlds

We've all wondered from time to time. Does alien life exist? Will we ever see it? If it does exist, will the aliens look like a little bit like us? Will the topography of their home planet have lots of spiky things that resemble trees, and will the variable lighting show everything in alternating pinky and blue hues?

And there are other questions. Questions of their culture. Do they have music or anything like it? And instruments? Is it akin to ours?

And then there's the aspect of superior intelligence. Will they be able to communicate with us? Can they speak and understand the English language for example?

Footage has recently emerged which answers all these questions with a resounding "YES!!" Although admittedly, it's unclear what they're going on about. exactly. The closest approximation I can think of, is when you're the designated driver on a hard night out with your friends. And suddenly they have to explain the most important thing in the Universe to you. You try and try to follow the narrative, but Chewbacca does not make sense.

In any event, we can no longer quibble about the truth of it all. Footage has emerged, and the evidence is incontrovertible. Here we go now ......

Thirsty

So, probably long past time I did another one of these things .......

For the fans, you understand ..........

Righto ...........

After an hour or two, curiosity got the better of me. But that was too soon, so I quickly gathered my self control and waited for another three hours. Five hours ought to do it. I cautiously logged on, ready to abort if anything was looking the least bit friendly. The red icon was still there. Thank God. I was paranoid that unread messages could be retracted. Maybe they could? There was so much to learn. But I could quickly see that Thirsty was no longer online.

First things first. I clicked on her profile. The message could wait until later, it wasn't going anywhere. Or was it! Holy hell, let's hope that message retraction thing I'd dreamed up wasn't true. So, there she was. No photo, but she was there in spirit. If spirit is a few lines of text. Older than me, but younger than 40. A milf possibly? No kids. Of course she wouldn't lie about such a thing. No one on the internet lies. Brown hair, and hazel eyes. Hadn't listed her height and weight, but why should she? That's just so demeaning.

A smoker. Hmmmmm. I may be called "Johnny Smoke" in here, but I wasn't really keen on a smoker. Still, when she was flashing her hazel eyes at me, while her chestnut ringlets fell over her bare shoulders, would I mind if she was smoking seductively? Of course not. Especially with the promise of that supermodel body, just seconds away from falling into my arms. All in all, things were looking promising.

So, now for the message. I suddenly realised that I'd be disappointed if it wasn't complimentary. In fact, I wanted it to be gushingly enthusiastic. Surely it would be. Why else would she have bothered to write it. I finally clicked on it, feeling a little tingle of anticipation. Wow, I was blown away. A single word. "Hi". What was I supposed to do with that?

Ostensibly, it might have been a good idea not to log off when the message had first arrived. But too late for that now. The best option was to conjure up a witty reply. I gave it some thought, then typed my first ever dating site message. "Hi there." Then, I considered this for a moment, and made a brief edit. I added "How are you?" Brilliant! By ending with a question, I was guaranteed an answer. Although, that's possibly a somewhat loose definition of the word "guarantee".

I didn't log off straight away this time, but hung around for a bit checking out other profiles. I'd never message anyone though, no matter how desirable all of these women sounded. And we must remember, pics were a bit of a rarity, so my imagination was free to roam wherever it wanted. But suddenly, disaster!

Thirsty's green light had come back on. Curses! Email alerts had me undone. I quickly logged off. That was enough excitement for one day. Next morning I checked back in. Thirsty was offline, but there was a new message. A bit longer this time, but still nothing really in it. The general "I'm good" and "a bit busy at work" and all that blah blah blah. I composed some attempted witticism in reply, vaguely referencing anything she'd said. Reasonably pleased, I sent it off. I was an expert dating site messager.

So the game of tag continued. It must've been infuriating for her. Looking back, it's difficult to see why she bothered. I was having no other convos with anyone else. This was because the guy is mostly supposed to initiate, innit? Well, I wasn't going to be doing that, thank you very much. Besides, one limited internet conversation at a time was about all I could handle. We didn't talk about much and this was completely my fault. I simply refused to give anything personal away. Wasn't the internet full of nutters? You can't be too careful, heh heh.

Eventually she accused me of being "mysterious" Mysterious? Moi?? I responded by writing a stupid fictitious news report, which involved me being a secret agent or some such nonsense. I got a bit carried away writing it, as I'm wont to do. Did I say that there are nutters online? Yes, well, cough. The less said about that the better.

Funnily enough, she seemed to enjoy this particular message. She added a little something of her own. Suddenly we were constructing some fantasy scenario together, that was built on absurdity. It was kinda fun, and it meant that we didn't have to share anything personal. This was a relief to me as I was clearly paranoid about online strangers (I got over that, oh yes). But it did give us a method of bonding.

Then, a couple of days later, when it was my turn to message, I was confronted with an option. I can't recall the exact details, but there was something about castles and knights and busty wenches. Yes, I know. It seems fully cringeworthy now, because it was. But anyway, back to the point. The point was, I had the chance to steer the story into vaguely sexually suggestive waters, :o.

Of course with hindsight it's easy to see that Thirsty was steering this particular ship all along. I was just being swept ignorantly along by the current. But I was happy enough to go with it. The idea of such a thing as online perversion was alien to my thoughts. Such and innocent child, .

In the end, I will confess that I was led astray. And so easily and happily led I am too. Who can be sure how that knight and wench came to be alone in that chamber, but ultimately I take responsibility. And once the door was closed never has such a comely maid displayed such wantoness, The effect on me was quite intoxicating.

So intoxicating, that the next time I saw Thirsty's green light on I didn't log off. And the conversation took a shorter, sharper turn. I was out of my depth now, and possibly drowning. But still, I was afloat. Then she mentioned three letters I was unfamiliar with. MSN. So I was a noob. What did this mean? She quickly explained, and directed me on how to download and install. And then my corruption began .........

And before you know it ................

So where was I? It's been awhile, innit .......

I think I'd just joined a dating site in the last epic installment. Which was the first step along that long and torturous road to Hell. And Nookie. I like to think that the two go together rather naturally, .

OK, enough with the smiley faces.

In NZ there are only about two mainstream dating sites. Well, forgive me if there's more, and you've got something to do with one of the others that I'm not referring too. But I guess what I'm saying is that there's probably two that most people have heard of. Any others will likely e more of a niche kind of thing. You know, where they specialise in hooking up married amputee dwarves, and that sort of carry on.

The site I joined was the newcomer. So effectively, before these guys came along, there was only ONE dating site in NZ. And it's still there, going strong. I'm not clear on this absolutely, but I think it's supposed to have a bit of a dodgy reputation. A bit like how "Craigs List" appears to folk over here. All you need is one murder and the press is all over it, etc ......

Anyway, the ORIGINAL NZ dating site is a bit of a free for all. You can pay a membership fee for extra priviliges, but you can certainly get by without doing that. Like most interactive sites, really. And the downside is that you have to spend at least half your time wading though crap. For me though, that's just the nature of dating sites. The same people on there all the time, or the same sort of people. The same sort of message board posts, etc, etc. If you look at dating sites from a distance, they can often appear to be middens of human misery. No offence if you're reading this of course. After all, I've been a member of more than a few of them. And the good news is that you can find plenty of gems in a dating site, if you're prepared to shovel some shit.

The newbie site that I'd stumbled across had far higher ideals. And they still do. In my opinion they're way off in their thinking, but due to some slick marketing and having a bit of cash behind them, they seem to be doing OK. They certainly seem to get more than their fare share of press time when it comes to media commentary about NZ dating styles. Unlikie the older site, which only seems to hit the media when one of their customers get raped or murdered, etc.

The new site pitched themselves as the site for people who were SERIOUS about dating. Excuse me? Is that another word for "Desperados"? I've always been a bit flippant about romance and dating, which is possibly an argument against me. But I figure that if love happens, it'll happen. It's not like a competitive sport, where you put in the hours training, and up the intensity on match day. Then voila, you log on, meet someone, and the engagement is on! Followed by marriage or civil union shortly after.

Of course the attraction in being a site for "Serious Daters" is that you can ask your customers for money. Which is what the newer site do. Excuse me? Did I say "Desperados"? Anyway, as I've alluded to, the approach seems to work for them. Paying money for love ........, I'm thinking the world has moved on a bit from this, but I could be wrong. There was a prostitutes organisation in the press here the other day complaining that times were tough due to the advent of dating sites. People wanting only sex could advertise just for that apparently. Shock, horror! In particular, NZ's original dating site was mentioned in dispatches as being the main offender for this approach, heh heh.

Back when I joined the newbie site, they really were pretty new though. And although they had the high ideals even then, these were on the back burner. It's no good having principles if you don't have any customers. So to all intents and purposes the new site was a smaller clone of the old site. They did introduce an easy visual way to show if someone was online (similar to what Wireclub do) but not a lot was different. And of course, at this stage of the sites development, everything was free.

So, what were the features? To me, everything was fascinating. I'd never seen anything like it! Well, obviously, first stop was the profile. You filled in a bit about yourself, etc. I can fill in forms with the best of them, Me. I had no trouble putting down my age, height, weight, etc. Only later did it become apparent to me that there was no need to be so open. Although if you're asking my opinion then there's no harm in doing this really. I don't think many people are really that fussed on such measurements, or if they are, then they're probably really annoying people who are best avoided. Once again, if I've inadvertently alienated any of you, my apololgies.

As is my wont, I think I probably wrote too much in the "About Me" section. I was a noob though, and imagined that everyone would be DYING to know all about me. I did have the good sense to give my personal summary a light touch however. A bit of humour goes a long way, naturally. So long as it's funny. Actually, that's quite an important point, which I'll expand on. A compatible sense of humour is something that should be high on the list of most couples. So if you at least try to inject some humor into your profile then a person who reads it can quickly decide if they think that you're funny or not. If I consider something a bit of a cringey attempt at being funny it'd put me off far more than anything else I think. And yet women seem to be way more concerned about their weight and age. Although I'm speculating now.

The next big thing about the profile, and maybe the Main Thing, are the photos. The reason I haven't mentioned these already is because back when I first joined a dating site, they weren't all that ubiquitous. I didn't have one, for example. Well, I really DIDN'T have one. Digital cameras weren't that prevalant. Web cams were virtually non existent. Most people used to get their photos online via a scanner, and they weren't all that common either. As a result, I'd say about fifty percent of the profiles online back then were sans pic.

Nowdays it's about five percent, if that. And some profiles have about a million pics, which is way too many. Even if you're hot, I can usually only last for about ten pics, max. Sure, it's OK to have more on Facebook, but for a dating site it's easy to overdo it. The other classic thing about pics is how so often they don't represent what the person looks like. I guess having a million pics up will tend to cancel out this phenomenon.

I have a pic of Johnny Depp up now (obviously). Back then I had no pic at all, as I mentioned, so it wasn't something I agonised over. But the pic must be one of the most agonising dating site choices to make. I'm not that fussed over them really. If I'm going to meet you in real life, I'd like to have a look at you in advance I think. To prepare myself. But if I'm never going to actually meet you, then I can communicate with your "soul" if you like. You'll just be You. Although naturally I'd be curious as to how you looked I imagine. It wouldn't affect anything though. For me, anyway, physical attraction is only important if I'm actually planning on touching you. I think that there's a lot of guys on dating sites posing as women who rely on this approach!

Suprisingly some people still think that they can get away with posting fake pics. Masquerading as someone that they're not. The thing is though, if you've got half a brain, you'll never fall for it. Again, no offence to those who HAVE fallen for a fake pic! Real pics are so heavily flawed in many ways. The lighting is usually wrong, etc, etc. You can just tell that it's not professionally posed. If you do happen to have a pic of yourself where you've been professionaly shot, then the person viewing it will know that you don't always look like that anyway. Also, these days it's so simple to take a "natural" shot with a webcam, that it's becoming more and more the style of pic you'll see on a profile. Pics of you out and about with friends are OK, although more of a Facebook thing I think. Either way, the fake model style shots don't resemble anything I've mentioned above, and stand out for miles. Or should do.

So anyway, my profile was complete, with no pic. I clicked the button, and it went "Live". Then I started to explore other features of the site. No chat rooms back then. But they did have something called "A Message Board". I was fascinated by this as well. Never in the history of humankind had there been a bigger collection of so much drivel, surely? Of course I'm used to message boards now. They're MEANT to be full of drivel. I didn't understand that back then though. Up until then I'd always thought that a message board was a place where you attached important information!

Occasionlly a thread might pop up in reference to something that had been in the news that day. But most threads seemed to be of the ilk "What's for dinner?" or "How many tattoos have you got?" or "Why am I so banal?" Actually, that last one was just how I started reading them after awhile. But not for long. In an instant, my reverie was shattered! A urgent looking red icon had appeared on my screen!!
It claimed that I had a New Message, :0.

I was terrified and excited at the same time. I've since learned that it's easy to become addicted to those little red icons. Unlike many sites, this one had the habit of naming who'd sent it as well, in the icon. I still recall the name. We'll call her "Thirsty", although it wasn't clear straight away it was from a woman. At least it wasn't from someone like "Site Admin", for such messages are certainly amongst the world's most boring.

I froze a little. Should I click on the message and read it? My first message! I hesitated. So this is what it feels like to be a virgin again. If I clicked on it, would she know? Would the message be flirty, or just friendly? Or even nasty? But why? What did I say?? Would she have a pic in her profile? Was she hot? Totally gagging for it?? So many possibilites!

There was only one thing for it. I logged off. No harm in coming back later, and reading it when the pressure was off, heh heh. And thus I took my first step down the path of being an internet tease. Although, like the really good teasers I always knew when it was time to deliver, . And with that in mind, I'll stop here. But if you want to know what happened next between me and Thirsty, I'll tell you all about it next time. I can't promise you that it was sexy, but it could be. I mean, I know that you're really all expecting a bit more sex in these ramblings, and it's probably long past time I gave you something. And yet, I don't want to alter history too much. These are MY ramblings after all. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happened. If you're interested ...................

Sharing my Shorts ........

Alight, clearly at least TWO people read my last post. Maybe others skimmed it, who knows? But that's enough encouragement right there for me to write another one. Besides, I'm not really in the mood for the chat rooms these days, and I need some excuse to be here. Seeing as I've gone and logged in and all .......

Fancy that, I could be come a "bloggist"! Is that a word? I don't care for "blogger" much. Sounds a bit like "jogger" to me, and as far as I'm concerned those guys can just jog on. I think that's an English turn of phrase actually, so that's a hazard of having an international blog right there. Not that it matters. Look how many words I've wasted saying nothing already!

Blogs are supposed to have themes, aren't they? So I could bore you all by talking about my favourite movies, or music, or books or blah blah blah? God, I'd put myself to sleep ......... Well, maybe not. I've done a sort've music blog before actually. Not sure if it was followed much, but I liked rewatching the clips I attached to each one. But who came here to read about music? I mean, everyone loves music (I think) but I've never noticed the Music Lovers chatroom overburdened with numbers. Or the Movie or Book Lovers rooms, come to that.

People are here for the nookie, innit? Well, the blokes are. Whenever a new room pops up called something like "Phooarrr, full on dirty chat for horny perverts" or something like that, I'll be straight in there. And on almost every occasion, when you look at the room feed you'll see some folorn type question "Are they any women in here?" Or the slightly huffier statement "Hmmmm, there's only guys in here!" as if the person who typed the statement feels they've been personally duped into going in. Later on, you'll see a few "Bye bye room!" comments, as if the dude is letting the room have What For for failing to provide him with loads of nymphomaniac chatter chicks.

Not totally sure why the girls come here. There's bound to be some sexual component to it, but they're not quite as blatant as the guys. Perhaps the men would consider themselves to be "sexually efficient" or something like that. The women seem to be seeking a basic personal connection, but it's pretty general. So they often avoid specific subject rooms, and head to the more generic "Dating" etc. Private Chat is pretty popular though. The name itself suggests one to one conversations, although you'll find a constant stream of room white noise chat going on in there. Also, the phase "Private Chat" just screams SEX to most guys. It's just that little bit more intimate than Dating. Maybe I could flirt with you in Dating, but once we get talking in Private Chat then digital clothing is about to be removed. Or something like that.

In the end though, I couldn't help getting the feeling that women would tolerate sex as a conversation piece more so they could get conversation at all. It's a tricky balance I suppose. You have to give just enough flirtation to keep the guy interested, but you know that once he's had a self induced orgasm it's Log Off City. So if you're a chick and you want a general talk about life or whatever, then you have to make sure it's Sex Rations but not starvation. And don't over feed. while you're at it. Naturally I over analyse everything, and this whole theory is just a bit crap.

There's no WAY I could maintain a blog for any length of time with my crappy theories. I can barely keep it up for one post, although I feel like I've stretched it out to one and a half now. People would be way more interested in facts than theories anyway. Or at least embellished facts. There isn't really such a thing as a good story without a bit of embellishment. And as it happens, I do have a few good stories from my time on the internet dating scene. I like to embellish them as well, so that works out well. After all, it's not much good talking about sex if it doesn't read like erotic fiction. Or in this case, erotic faction.

Does anyone want to hear my tales? I guess the good thing about a blog is, that's totally irrelevant. I just type what I want, and it's here forever, waiting for me to become a celebrity so that it can ruin my life. Then again, it's all anonymous isn't it? I've even got a pic of Johnny Depp up now. Plus, no one can really point the finger when it comes to sex. We're all a bit dodgy, deep down.

I think I was sexually pretty normal before the internet. Probably what the sex afficinados would call "Vanilla". My girlfriend at the time and I had our moments, but they tended to come in bursts, between which there wasn't a lot going on. I always had a bit of an imagination, I know that. As a teen I'd liked the "traditional" porn magazines, because I loved to imagine the dialogue that took place between the models and I. As she'd slowly reveal herself to me, in such an inviting way, lol. I wasn't so keen on porn movies, because the dialogue was a bit shit, and the foreplay was less than average. I hadn't precisely realised how much I liked being teased before sex back then, but it become apparent. Porn can be a bit average for that. OK, porn can be a bit average full stop.

When I started working, about half of my friends would spend at least a portion of their income on hookers. I've never done this myself, but I completely understood the logic. Men are lazy bastards, heh heh. So you'd go out to a bar on a Friday after work, get hosed and socialise with your friends, and be keen on a shag after that. It made perfect sense to stop by the shag shop on the way home, and still be guaranteed a good sleep in your own bed, and nothing to fuss about in the morning.

The reason I've never used prostitutes isn't from any great lofty perspective. But there are two reasons that will probably always make it unlikely I ever will. If I was a military guy I guess I'd class one reason as tactical and the other strategic. The tactical reason is that I can't abide condoms. Hate the bloody things. I think everybody does secretly, but it's one of those things that you're not supposed to admit. They're just unnatural in everyway, and I don't care how many sex experts try to go on telly demonstrating how to roll them on with their mouths. Unless you've got a rubber fetish, then it's all just an exercise in self deception.

So, what is it I have against condoms? Well, obviously the sensation is inferior. Along with the having to stop to put them on when things are flowing smoothly. But actually, that's not the main problem. Condom makers work on these issues, because they're the complaints most often articulated. But they'll never be able to fix the real problem, so they can give up now. Here's what it is. I want to put my cock in YOU, not a plastic bag. I want to pump YOU full of my jism, not a plastic bag. It's like a territorial marking kind of thing, I guess, I dunno. But whatever it is, it's psychological. I'm not sure how this works for women. Do they ever feel a bit shortchanged when a guy fills a condom with his wad, rather than their eager and throbbing pussy? I can imagine it so, but no one's precisely explained this concept to me. Anyway, for me, I don't want any barriers between us, and if your sexy hot little pussy can make me fill it with cum, then so much the better. Ooooh, I nearly excited myself then, writing that.

The strategic issue I have with prostitutes is that I'm naturally a pleasure giver. Which means I struggle to enjoy sex if I don't get to give pleasure, and lots of it. Of course this is such a turn on for me that I pretty soon get to be a pleasure getter. It's certainly going to be a fail if you're giving pleasure to someone else that only wants to give pleasure, so clearly we should aim to be both. The thing is though, no matter how much someone seems to be enjoying the pleasure that you're giving them, as soon as a mandatory cash transaction enters the equation the whole illusion is smashed beyond repair. Possibly the ultimate for me would be to find a hooker who doesn't care about condoms, and then when we're done she says "Oh fuck Me, that was sooo good ........ Look, I'm gonna have to pay You!!"

I'm not sure if she exists. Plus, it doesn't sound that healthy. So perhaps if she just had sex with me, instead of all and sundry. And now we've come full circle in the argument, and you can see that the woman isn't a hooker at all, she's my girlfriend. Except I can't recall a girlfriend who ever paid me for sex .......

When my long term girlfriend and I split up, I actually went off sex for a bit. I don't think that this is all that unusual, from what I've been told. Probably more worrying was the fact that I also lost interest in socialising at all. I think that if you're in a couple for a long time you just lose practise at it. So I spent a year or so celibate, and with only the smallest amount of drugs and alcohol entering my body. Friends started to try to arrange "hook ups" for me. My brother introduced me to a chick at a party with the line "this is Debbie. She hasn't had sex for eight months". Cheers bro, but I'm now starting to understand what the phrase "performance pressure" means.

(As an aside, Debbie was eventually dropped off at home by my brother. He reportedly apologised for my inadequacies, and then sealed the deal with the line "Eight months?? I'm simply not going to bloody well stand for it!!" Which is slightly ironic, because in his version of events he WAS standing whilst she was bent over her dressing table in front of him).

Anyway, I was happy enough, I think. Like a lot of single people, I got to do what I want, when I wanted, etc etc. I must confess though, it was starting to become apparent to me that what I wanted to do was to masturbate an awful lot. And you can't always do that when you feel like, as it happens. Finally though, something changed. And as is often the case in your life, the change was brought about by a friend. Which is what friends are for.

I'd had a computer and the internet for awhile. But I didn't use it a whole lot. Like most people at the time, it was just a work tool. Word processing and spreadsheet software were used a lot, and the internet gave me email to send them out. Being self employed, this was all very useful. But surfing the net was a bit alien to me at first. I dabbled in it a bit, because I had a lot of time on my hands in the evening. Mainly news sites, and then more specialist news sites (ie football pages). Like most, I'd viewed a bit of porn, but got a bit bored with it. I was starting to get into downloading music as I recall .............

A friend of mine, Greg, popped round for a beer one evening. (As Bon Scott would say, "names have been changed, to protect the guilty). He told me about all the sex he was getting, in his normal braggadcio way. I didn't mind that at all, that's just how he was. If he got the bus to work in the morning he'd have a phone number before he reached his stop, etc. But on this evening he was particularly enthused about the internet. He spoke of instant chat programs, and websites were women were lined up and were gagging for it. For him this truly was "shooting fish in a barrell".

I knew what msn messenger was, as I had the ubiquitous hotmail account. I didn't really use it much though. It was reserved for jokes and crap like that that folk would circulate, but it didn't hold a lot of space. The msn program looked interesting, but I didn't really have anyone to connect to. Except for Greg. He started to pop up on it a lot during the evenings, telling me that he was chatting so some "hottie" in another window and arranging a shag. I must admit the guy could type fast!

Anyway, Greg wanted me to join this dating site he was on. I couldn't even imagine what one was, let alone what they'd be for. Reluctantly I let him sign me up, using my hotmail account. I didn't realise at the time, but the site was pretty new, one of the first in New Zealand. And as such, all it's main features were free, for a limited time. If this hadn't been the case the I think life for me would've headed in a very different direction. The idea of paying a cent on a dating site was pretty much totally ananthema. And still is, .

So, I had a name on a profile page, with the barest of information, all hidden. Jeff had to leave, and told me to explore the place and fill my boots! As soon as he'd gone, I logged off. The plan was never to go back again. But as Paris once sang "the plan had plans of it's own for the brother man", heh heh. If anyone is reading this and wants to hear what happened next, then I might get around to telling it. But knowing me, I might not!

Btw, if you ARE reading this, then I hope you all have a pretty rocking Christmas with family and friends. And with loads of nookie of course, .................

Sharing my thoughts .......

What a novel idea. That anyone could care less ..........

Ummmm, what am I thinking right now .........

Well then, I logged in here AGAIN. I've become bored within the three minute mark on this occasion, and that time frame is ever diminishing each time I come here. I've messaged a total of two people in that three minutes.

The first one had blocked me. This suggests to me that we must've have chatted before, although there was nothing about her that suggested this to my memory. I'm not sure how many times I've been blocked. There's no tally counter for it that I'm aware of, which would make it seem like a secret process. Until the person you've blocked tries to message you again obviously, in which case your cover is instantly blown. Allowing them to establish another profile, and vent their unbridled internet rage, heh heh.

The second one was a going through the motions thing. I sent out the Louise Hayes type vibe that she wouldn't reply to it, and Louise didn't let me down. Then I checked out what else I could do here. Found this blob page. Thought I'd write a blob, about nothing. You can set up your own chat rooms, I see. Of course if you mention anything more specific than "chat here!" then the room has about ONE person in it. If your room name has any reference to nookie in it, they flock like flies to a three day old carcass. Actually, I think the woman who blocked me was in the sex room. Maybe I tried to chat to her about politics or religion or crocheting the world's largest poncho. It's all a blur. Except I kind've recall something about a poncho.

What else can you do on this site? You can ply your trade as a "cam girl" I guess. There seems to be a bit of that going on. The thing is, I don't know how you can possibly earn a living from that. Every single approach I've had from a cam girl in this place has come with the guarantee that it's all totally free! Obviously I'm a very appealing guy; they're practically jostling each other in the queue labelled "where you fall over each other to offer Mark free cam sex". I've never bothered with this, but for those who ARE interested in free cam sex on here, I can tell you that all you need to provide is your credit card details. It reminds me of the time I got my full weekly grocery shop for free, actually. All I needed to do to get the free essentials was to provide the store with money ..................

It's rumoured that gay or bisexual guys will show up on sites like this, posing as women. For the purpose of gaining some sort of sexual gratification I think. I can believe it, although it appears that most of them aren't familiar with the concept of the Turing Test. This is a bastardised version of the concept I'm using btw, so if you're geekily inclined then don't fire off any outraged missives to me. Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that it's reasonably difficult to pose as something you're not, without any experience whatsover.

Yes, shock horror, women DO indeed take part in cybersex on this site from time to time. But there's generally a certain subtlety to it. For example, if you say to a woman something relatively benign like "Oh, I love your hair in that pic where you're showing lovely long hair, that's all shiny and long and lovely", then she's not generally going to reply, "Fuck yeah, I'd love to wrap my sexy hair all over that monster cock of yours. Why don't you show it to me on cam right now? My cam's broken right now, but I'll still like watching you!"

Your cam is broken? Was there some sort of accident with a coffee cup? A failed driver? And the mic is gone as well? But the rest of your computer is working fine? What a tragedy for someone so enamoured with cybersex as you are. Funnily enough, such guys have no concept that they're not coming across like women at all. Their plan is as smooth as their hairless legs, and can't fail. If you give them three seconds to name their favourite lipstick and perfume you can just feel their personal hard drives melting. Of course the questions are redundant anyway. If you can't tell that you're talking to a guy after that intro, then you may as well just bust your cock out and go with it.

So, the boys come here for cybersex. And any other hookups they can parlez out of that. This is because men love sex, and are incredibly lazy. It's like, "Oh, I'm awake now, it's morning. Sex would be good. Look, I can reach over to my laptop/tablet/phone, and it's pretty much there for me. I don't even have to shave. Might allow myself a quick fart for comfort, and I'm away". Whereas I imagine the girls having a shampoo and rinse, and making sure their hair is right before they log in. More out of habit than anything else probably. A girl's got to look her best when she's turning on her computer. You never know, a computer that's running in front of you affords you the perfect opportunity to take a pic of yourself with your webcam. Then you can examine it with an intensely critical eye, before taking about sixty more.

I'm not sure what the girls come here for acutally. To practise pervert dodging? Some profiles indicate the desire to meet a life partner? There's a two word phrase the English use for such an excessive use of optimism. It's "Oh dear". But then it seems, some girls just come here for the chatrooms themselves, and not with any "hook up" intentions .......

One of the things that's always fascinated me is the people that are drawn to the "banter" of the chatroom. No offense if this is you. Simply put, you fascinate me. It's a similar concept to me to the people who only join dating sites "for the message boards". But ....., but ......, but ....,. really?? Cybersex may hardly be fulfillilng, but chat room "banter" is?? I don't think it's the banter though, is it? Not really. It's just an irresistible magnet for the narcissists. A chance to see your name in lights, over and over again, with every banal comment you make. Though, not your own name of course. Some brilliant and witty pseudonym you've thought of instead. People probably log into these rooms just in case you're there. Because you're fantastic! Apart from those blokes who keep interrupting your flow, with comments like "Any girl want cam sex with well hung guy? PM Me"

Saying "Hi Room!" is OK though. Whenever I walk into a room, I always do that. Especially if it's a social event, with a roomful of people I don't know. I just fling my arms wide and go "Hi Room! It's Me, the dude you were waiting for. Let me tell you what I had for breakfast this morning ........"

I may have to pause though, as some other guy suddenly drowns me out by announcing to the room how large his genitalia is, and if anyone wants to check it for themselves they should meet him by the hors d'oeuvres table. I always find that annoying. I mean, are people really going to be interested in his knob size, when I could be enthralling them with tales of the super strong espresso I had earlier, and the effect it had on my bowel movements?

OK, I've shared enough thoughts. Probably just enough to make you think I hate you all now. Well, hardly. I mean, I may hate you all collectively, but as individuals I'm sure you're just fine, . But now I must away. I've got to create a new profile, so that I can harrangue the woman who blocked me. But as I type that, it's coming back to me ...........

I got chatting to her in some room, and had just expounded the theory expressed above about chatroom loserhood. I should've checked the message flow through the room first, heh heh. Ah well, we're not all diplomats. In fact, on the internet, none of us are. Unless you're like that French IMF dude, scouring the internet for some sort of dodgy webcam hookup. And guys like that will be on here alright. Just hanging by the hors d'oeuvres table .........