SirHahaheeda Offline

31 Male from Johannesburg       13
         
There's a reason people say that laughter is the best medicine... and let's face it, people need it now more than ever. I do a bit of stand-up - though it's now mostly just sit-down given there are no stages available for standing on these days - but my pet project is a comedy show that I would love to get into a studio...

SirHahaheeda
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SirHahaheeda
SirHahaheeda: Anxiously calm,
Not stress free,
But dashing in a stressed flee
to point max
on the scale of relax
measured from no. 1 to 3
I fail, clearing it in its entirety
As I bail,
and take a bonus step on a rusty nail

Running dead,
Dead set in my tracks,
Becoming the light
through which the shine cracks,
There
but for
the wrath of Cthulhu’s call,
Halt and fall, do I,

Close my third eye;
Play the colours of darkness,
In a game of ‘I spy’,

I’ve started to date a tectonic plate, called Kate.
I love her, she’s great
though I gotta go underground for every date…
... and for that matter also every time we wanna mate.
It’s a bit of a sensitive subject but truth is I gotta be careful
because should she orgasms with too much intensity,
her body could quake quite hard,
and take out a whole entire state
in one fowl swoop
with a sink hole that opens on the surfaces
if she causes an earthquake
all the way below at the bottom.
__
I walk atop waters,
through storms of lightning and thunder,
on the crashing waves that tare the most rugged ships asunder,
my feet will never slip nor stumble,
my soles always land grounded on the fluid without blunder
as I traverse and tread the endless expanse of the horizons,
Witness to the beauty, to the majestic glory of every dawn and every dusk,
I willingly recluse to every step, to my life of walking, over and across these blue beauties, bottomless oceans,
yet in the end no prayers, no magic spells nor potions,
could save me from drowning in the delude of my own emotions
the floodgates built into my eyes could no longer withstand the immense force that had accumulated over the decades
and when the barriers of my tear-dam gave in to the strain, I was instantly damned then and there to a fate of a watery grave created from my own tears of merciless pain,
Rivers poured out from my very depths, their tides were stronger than any force my body had encountered prior
thrown around like a rag doll in a maddening whirl pool gasping for air in vain and yet the delude killing me still flowed from my own faced,
Then finally a shred of mercy came with the final death blow,
my last remaining air knocked clear by the full force from the tidal wave of my sorrow,
submerging my now lifeless body into deep darkness of the fathomless pit that I cried into creation
the pain and sorrow then gained sentience forming into thick black seaweed-like tentacles pulling my corpse further down into the depths below,
A drowning victim to a flood of my own damn tears,
Becoming a meal to my own fears,
Forever lost without a trace I disappear
In the depths of these murky shadows engulfed by creatures spawned from my mind
is this all that my legacy left? In wake of my death, floods and pollution with some kind of nightmarish worms,
My final remains shortly become erased in the feeding frenzy and menacing squirms,
The deluge was not the only monstrous manifestation to pour forth from my eyes and take shape and form into the existence of this reality,
I’ve let loose a worse horror and even in through death I carry my sense of guilt and responsibility,
Having released these demonic incarnations of evil, hellish embodiments of pure pain and abysmal sorrow.

__
With sincere irony,
I’m ironically sincere
Burning up in heaven,
While down in hell –
playing a harp as I fly,
a vegan butcher telling an honest lie,
Eating the pig,
along with its swill and sty.

Me,
I reproduce with me, myself & I
to be born as triplets
while all three of us simultaneously die,
in trifecta
don’t know what that means but it sounds effective

I gave up the need to try,
while trying to give up my sense of “I”,
I tie
the knot of my hangman’s noose
tightly loose
after the fact,
in the aftermath,
post hanging
in the wake of being hung,
following by my nonsensical gallows-based execution
already hanging by a rope from the sky,
its other end tied to a cloud,
made from the shroud,
which my body formed,
After my soul turned into sticky mould,
And took hold onto the sticks
That grew from the roots of the tick
That stuck to my sick pet brick’s
huge micro dick.

I melt the wick of my candle stick
And prick bits of its wax into my earholes
Because I wanted to have some earwax.

In the highest depths
of the lowest heights,
fluid and flame
become one in the same
in an elemental paradox
mother nature mocks
How do the:
Icicles flame,
Hanging down as they blaze up,
rainclouds bursting into smoke high above,
below scorched frost woven over earth and undergrove
hell indeed had frozen over,
Snowfall falling with rains of fire,
burning snowflakes hail,
from downpours rivers and streams trail,
which spark up, setting alight, fire waters flail,
Watery flames dance in waves,
toothlessly bite,
with fearless fright,
in the darkness of day,
in the bright light of the dark night
heatwaves shiver with glacial burns,
Freezing me into the pile of ashes,
Which then become my place of rebirth
into my new form; a majestic phoenix
And with a newfound arrangement of my genetic helix
From the smoldering heap the transformed man rose,
Now as the bird of fire, he’d never been braver nor prouder,
But unknowingly somewhere along the journey I had picked up a stalker
The one and only king of bling reached out behind me, laying a hand on my wing
The palm emitted the coldest sting known to any feather or skin
piercing right to the bones with a spearing freeze,
tenfold
sub-zero layers
cutting with pure arctic cold,
solidified before I could take flight, my bird was ready & bold,
But Midas’ touch had not hesitated for a moment before turning me into gold,
A statue that was sold,
To the lowest bidder –
living in squalor along the palace road,
there I patiently waited for my wings to once again open and unfold
eventually braking free from the incrusted cage of the golden chokehold
Soaring above I quickly came to be known as a legend, my might revered
the subject of stories frequently told, at every opportunity my name was cheered
My phoenix self beyond reproach and exult
Becoming ruler and king flawlessly without fault
Governing over the mighty kingdom that I now uphold.

Which means nothing,
Given that every inch and corner of the cell I’m locked in is rotting,

Politely fuck it,
I do ice bucket challenges jumping into live volcanos,
The conga lines I lead all disappear and vanish into limbos,
Mark the door to my soul with unoccupied cubicle symbols,

I… swing on the endless loop of heaven’s stoop,
as I scoop discombobulated gloop - out of the void’s bottomless bowl of soup - with a hula-hoop - made out of Cerberus’ dog poop,
I plant a seed into a microphone and grew beats,

Suckle silky milk bottles from fleets of arachnid teats,
Kidnapping strangers, taking them to the land of living sweets, I offer their bodies as treats to sentient candy chicks,
Diabetic candy floss monsters become my best friends as I cure them of their ailments and ails by feeding them human bits of entrails,

Instead of posting, I always bake my tweets, in the Dutch oven underneath my bed sheets, fart them out into the cloud & pollute nasal airspaces with smelly noises of creeks,

I use cheat codes on my imaginary friend’s imaginary game to help him win a spot of reality into my imaginary brain,

Arriving so fast that I never even came

The total sum nothing amounts to differentiating all things the same.

I believe that when the wilderness tires of rising wildly in the west, it sets of to the east to tame its wild beast,

Watching a mechanical bird build a biological crane
inspired me to become a trainer for rehabilitating derailed trains my first case a wayward train on which I used training tracks and trained it towards getting back on track and back onto its train tracks.

Actively anti-social on inactive social media.
Reading celeb gossip off the back cover of an encyclopedia.

Deep down I’m shallow and on the surface deeply profound .

In depth having kept every record I abandoned and left.

Turn my chair upside down & stand on its feet
reaching for the ground skywards,
the cloud worm I greet,
as I soar through the crust welkin of the earth
still pretending I don’t pleasure
to measure my worth.

Since birth
my heart warmth
like an arctic hearth
put a grave on your flower,
put the coffin in my nail
Sensibly daft
Along the desert sand’s flowery path
Drinking a draft - at the window - and inhale a draft out the bar
Using wind sails, to power my car
Step back … and go a mile too far
Living in a black hole atop a dying star
wave a white flag to start a war
The egg came first out of a mushroom spore
Hardened to a softened core
Hatched with a hatchet
Swung by the
Interstellar Lignum vitae tree feller
Flux slowly backwards with a supersonic propeller
Mouths of babe’s deliver
Stalks of beaks
I make a point raising my tips to end in climatic peaks.
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Byblis
Byblis: Wow crazy! I like it!
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