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Chinese Traditions VS. NEW Chinese Dreams

I've always been a good girl in my family. Tame as a sheep in other words. I'd always listen to whatever my family wants me to do. Even if it'd hurt me badly inside. I dont know why I chose to be a sheep that can be killed for mutton at any minute instead of being a man that would fight till the very end even if someone tries to kill me. Until recently.
Chinese New Year/Spring Festival. This is the most important festival for Chinese all over the world. This is the time when families get together and friends visit each other. This is the happiest time for all. Or it should be. Yet every year, I felt my heart tearing apart because of the battle of Chinese Traditions against my new Chinese dreams.
I emphasize on the "new" part especially, because it's no more those old one that merely focusing on FAMILY only. For a woman, a particularly Chinese dream should be marrying to a decent husband and being a model wife&mother. That's all. No career. No herself. It's indeed touching to hear stories about them, yet stupid and piteous. Every human being is born equal. It doesnt make any sense that girls should sacrifice their everything to family. However much family weighs.
But wait. It's our tradition. We Chinese treasure COLLECTIVISM, from thousands of years before till now. Sacrifices are acceptable, for the larger good. This indeed brought many advantages to our country, without any doubts. Especially when there's natural disasters or wars. Remember the 5.12 earthquake in Wenchuan, which hit so suddenly and severely that so many people died within a blink. It's because of the collectivism we cherish that we are willing to donate everything we can to help those unknown family members. I do love this spirit from when I was young till now. However time has changed and something should be changed as well, something like self-sacrifice. Especially when demands of larger good confront my own. For example, my own Chinese dreams.
Something never changed in my textbooks and I think it's good to keep spreading the spirits like collectivism and respect for the elderly people, which includes everyone older than me. These are the core components of our culture, which, ironically, are the very things that pierce my heart.
I may be a freak indeed that doesn't fit in the old Chinese tradition. I have my own new Chinese dreams. I want to go abroad and see the world. I want to experience life across the ocean and settle down where I feel the most comfortable. It doesn't necessarily mean that I don't feel comfortable here in China. There is no such place as home. And Beijing is my home forever. But still, it's my dream to see how life is like over THERE. I want to know how people would like me. I want to show who I really am.
I'm Oread. I don't like to be told what to do. I hate babysitting, however good I am at it. I can be a clown but can't be forced to become one. I am not stripper. I am a student model either. I just want to be who I am, specifically, a language nerd, a write-whats-inside-my-mind writer, a friend seeker and a talkative chatter. I'm nobody. Yet I'm everybody's somebody.