(nameless one) Offline

35 Single Male from Brampton       11
         

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Choking Victim

Things keep getting caught in my throat.
Then my face turns blue as I choke.
I throw my arms up as I kick back my chair.
And I gag and gasp as I breath for air.

Things keep getting caught in my throat.
Then my face turns blue as I choke.
Dr. Heimlich often saves me from death.
His maneuver helps me catch my breath.

But this time he is nowhere to be found.
And I choke and I choke until I hit the ground.
My face is the colour of plum.
Now I'm just a dead crazy bum.

Jesus Christ is Here!



watch it! you have to

Diary of a Zergling

(As seen on: Starcraft 2 Forums)

Day 1

I just got spawned! There was another guy in my egg, though. Not too sure what to think about that. The creep looks pretty cool, I guess. My job is mostly running around the base. Nothing too awesome going on.



Day 2

A whole mess of Zerglings just got spawned recently. Met up with a whole platoon of them. There were so many I couldn't even remember all their names. Most of them are pretty cool, but some are suspicious as to what our purpose is going to be.



Day 3

The queen sent Zergling #21 to a 'watchtower'. Not entirely sure what his job is. According to other people, he just has to stand there all day. Sounds like he got the easy job!



Day 3.5

Zergling #21's corpse was found about 3 minutes after being deployed. He had 5 Gauss Rifle bullets in his chest.

The queen sent Zerglings #22-24 to go to the watchtower.



Day 4

There was much lament for Zergling #21. Some of my friends are saying that we're all in a suicide mission. I think they're wrong. We're soldiers, not expendable beasts.



Day 6

Day 5 was too hectic...there were six more funerals today. The queen declared she wanted some 'scouting information' and that they served their purpose. More skeptics are arising amongst us. Some zerglings are speaking of a revolt.



Day 7

We all got our wings today! Everyone's suspicions of a tyranny are being quelled by the minute. All the zerglings are much more pleased to be moving so much faster.



Day 8

Our entire army has recently received orders to rush into the enemies' base. Our primary objective is to attack SCVs and run around in circles behind other zerglings attacking SCVs.



Day 11

There was a wall.


There was a god damn wall.


We couldn't break through. No matter how many chewed at the supply depot, we couldn't get through the damned thing. We were forced to retreat, losing 7 more soldiers to a small marine force piled behind the depots. The queen had no comment on this matter. The standard funeral is now being postponed by the swarm for 'important measures'.



Day 15

Mutalisks have begun to be trained at the hatchery. Our queen says they will solve the problem that the wall is causing. I can only hope at this point. I've seen too much.



Day 16

We've gotten recent orders to back up the mutalisk force in our impending attack. Our main goal is still hazy to me, as the mutalisks should be doing most of the work...



Day 21

I've lost all faith in the swarm.

Have you ever seen the bits of your comrades fly past you by a single shot of a Crucio Shock Cannon? Have you ever been so close to the heat of an Hellion that it takes you a minute to realize that your best friend is burning alive? I was hearing every tendon snapping and sinew ripping of my fellow Zerglings. The distorted looks on their faces as they realize they've been hit directly in the skull by a sniper round.

I barely escaped. I should be dead; just like the rest of my platoon. It was only me and 6 others that got away. Over 38 died.

We weren't an army. We were a distraction. The mutalisks were in on it, too. They took out probably 10, maybe 20 SCVs. But how many soldiers was it worth? How much do we have to sacrifice to win this war?!



Day 23

We can see the Terran forces coming over the horizon. They are armed with 2 of those infernal tanks and 4 gigantic mechanical monstrosities I've never seen before. I can taste my death.



Day 34

The Terran are toying with us. The tanks lie just outside of our homeland supported by rotating missile turrets in every which way. We are being contained. Our supplies are running low, we will be out of minerals soon.



Day 47

We have lost all of our resources. An army of Hydralisks and Mutalisks stand before me and my 6 Zergling companions. Our final attack is near.



Day 48

The queen has ordered me to 'test the front'. Alone.






Diary of a Siege Tank



Day 48

Spilled some coffee on myself during an attack. My life sucks.

2010 FIFA World Cup

This World Cup is shaping up much like the Second World War - the French surrendered early, the Italians didn't know what to do, the Americans left it late - and England face the Germans alone.

Four Walls

Four walls, I know too well. The silence is disturbing and it reminds me I'm alone. Procrastination and I gotta get my shit together. I gotta go out and get a life of my own. I call my friends but they all work too many hours in the day. Pick up my pen and try to write but I've got nothing to say. I watch TV until it's the end of me, Is there anything more? Come 8:00 and I'm out that door. Just another night of nothing like the nothing before.

The TV set occupies my wasted time until anxiety finds me and it starts to get me down. So I sit here and I sink a little deeper. I am crippled by security that keeps me safe and sound. The TV set: my only friend, my artificial sun; on for hours on end. My window on a world, I just don't see my simulcast life on monotomy. New generation future is in my hands. Infrared remotes obeying my command, but its just another night of nothing like the nothing before.

I got no ties that will bind but still I can't make up my mind. I've got no place to go that I can leave this place behind. Neurosis starts to breed and I can feel it eating me. Another visit from my old friend anxiety. I get up and walk away then I'm reminded while I stay. I got no place to go to end all this dismay.

The floor is like quicksand and the couch is like tar. The TV sucks me in and assures I won't get far. My hands on a clock and they're going backwards. Another night of nothing just like the nothing before. Four wall, I know too well. This silence is disturbing and it reminds me I'm alone.

Nothing

I dont know if you guys follow the events of Holy Week but when Mary Magdalene and company checked the tomb of Jesus, there was nothing. Nothing was in the tomb. Usually, nothing is a downer: one big goose egg. But this time, the goose laid a golden egg. Nothing meant hope, for everyone. So when you look and see nothing, have a little hope.

Fire!

Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a night, set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Stupid folks at work!

My job is so f&~&*%~ unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the f*^w^#w stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big f%y$wx& dog to work.

Every f^y@#^# day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single f%z#$*@ day.

Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.

Insomnia

When darkness drown your bleeding heart
And tyrants tear your world apart
And none of it is making sense
It's all mistakes or accidents

We're all just players in a game
The strings are never pulled the same
And I have to make a change right now
But nothing changes anyhow

Or any ways to change today
Seems f^$~^#^ pointless anyway
And sympathy it runs so deep
And I can't even fall asleep

I'd be abysmal to presume
Solutions to stave off our doom
Yes, I mean our sudden soon to end
Through all these fading times we spend

And when I think away on things I pissed
I'd ask to be writ off your list
No social skills, no special price
I can only try to empathize

Good memories held in my hand
Through finger cracks they fall like sand
If only there were some to keep
I'd have to trade them all for sleep

And losing sleep adds so much time
The days can drag my bleeding mind
Into a state of jagged shock
That twists and winds but never stops

And dreams are memories as well
And some of them read just like hell
If you could be my only friend
I'd cherish all the time we spend

And though we're so infrequent now
Our hearts dance somewhere anyhow
So many make our lives seem cheap
And in the end we all must sleep

And endless flaming turning fire
The setting sun that rises higher
The beautiful bright blinding light
That never quite turns into night

Our hearts can fly up freely there
Our minds can breathe such precious air
To all my fine fair-weathered friends
Good tidings are all I can send

I forgive you though you never knew
Just what it was you put me through
And to all my enemies the same
Your obsessions kept me in this game

And according to this life I've led
I should have lost more than my head
And on the edge that tilts so steep
I dream awake only of sleep

Holy Smokin' Koala

A koala was sitting up in a tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, 'Hey Koala! What are you doing?' The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.' So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints.

After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river. The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned over too far and fell into the river. A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?'

The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink. The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the groves, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint.


The crocodile looked up and said, 'Hey you!'

So the koala looked down at him and said,

'Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude...
How much water did you drink!?'