lennywoods1 Offline

63 Happily married Male from Cambridge       68
         

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ONLY ON WIRE

For the past month or so, I have gotten numerous emails from wire that my account is in jeopardy due to the fact that my email is unverified. Ok....I may not be the brightest bulb on the bush, but HOW could they send me an email if my email has not been verified?????????????
PLEASE, PLEASE, I beg of any or all of you to please help me to understand this...

ON LIFE ENDS....A NEW JOURNEY BEGINS...

Monday, May 27, 2013, 8:20 am, RICHARD STEVEN ZENOBIA, born December 23, 1955, took his last breath on this earth. His spirit and his total being is now free to move about to greater places. No longer will he thirst, tire, feel hunger or suffer any more pain. Richie was (is) more than just a friend, Richie is Richie. For now, that is all that I have to say.

Richie's update

Went to see my friend today. Since last Saturday, Richie has taken a severe turn for the worse. In the past week, he has lost a lot of weight (not that he could have afforded to lose any), he is unable to swallow, speak or remain conscious. I did talk with him, because even though he may not be able to communicate, I believe in my heart that he is still able to hear me. I just wanted him to know that I am there for him. He will be sorely missed.

FAREWELL TO A 'TRUE' FRIEND

A friend of mine, actually my one and only 'TRUE' friend is going to pass within the next few weeks. He is now in hospice and the end is near. This summer, and many more to come, will not be the same as the last 14 summers have been. No longer will I hear Richie as he laughs at some of the antics that we shared. No longer will we hit the trails and try to outrun the wildlife that we may have stirred up. For now, I will only hold those in my heart, my soul and my mind. I would like to share one of those stories with you all. That is if you would not mind taking a few minutes here.
A few years ago, Richie and I were out on the pier fishing when he noticed that someone had been crabbing there. There were a few crab lines hanging and Richie noticed that one was taught.
As he started to pull it up, he exclaimed, "damn, this must be one big ass crab"! As he pulled it closer to the surface, we saw that a snapping turtle had swallowed the chicken bone and it was apparently lodged to where it was stuck in the turtle's stomach. Well, Richie being Richie, he was lifting and dropping the poor turtle saying "dunka the turtle, dunka the turtle". I told Richie not to torture him, he may come back and kick his ass!
Somewhere along the time of tormenting the turtle the line broke.
We went back to fishing, I was casting my line and Richie was casting back the BUD ICE'S. A short time later, Richie twisted around to get another Bud Ice. As he did, he said, "ah Ray, don't look now, but we have company". I asked what, "the crabbers". He said "no....the turtle"!
When I turned around, there was this big, somewhat pissed-off-mean-looking turtle come out along the pier. We were like "OH SHIT"!!
The pier is only about 50 feet long and the turtle was already over half way there! As we were deciding as to what action to take, e.g. jump in the water, jump over the pissed-off-mean-looking turtle, or to just let the turtle kick Richie's ass, for some odd reason, about 10 feet from us, the turtle turned right and dove off the pier.
Now....I can not swear that this was the same turtle the Richie was messing with....but boy if this was not quite the coincidence!

ONLY ON WIRE

Funny thing happened.
When I went on to wire, I had a notice that my email was not verified....
Funnier thing happened before I signed into wire....
I had an email that said that I need to sign into wire to verify my email address....
SOOOOOOOOOO.......how did they get my email in order to send me an email that my email was not verified???????

Why me?

Well.....I finally did it and the wife was very proud of me. No....I did not stop wearing dresses....that is a blog for another time!
Actually, I finally broke down and bought myself a new car. I got a 2013 Chrysler 200. That is the first new car that I have had since I allowed my wife to marry me almost 13 years ago. I always got the 'pre-owned' vehicles. But since she got her license in 2003, she has had all new cars, e.g. Chevy Cavalier, then a Pontiac G6 (which she submarined the night she got it. That is a blog for another time), then a Mazda CX-7 and now she has a Mazda 3.
But anyway, I got it on February first. So far, due to the nasty weather and the massive amounts of salt that the county has dropped on the roads, I have had to wash it twice. I washed it about 3 hours ago, then the wife wanted to go to the mall to give money away (like that is a friggin' miracle).
While waiting for her to do her thing, I waited in the car and got used to the features. Actually, I was downloading cd's into the HDD for the radio. (No more carring and/or loading cd's ). I saw people walking by looking and staring at the car like I had a dildo or something coming out of the hood. I told the wench....errrr...I mean the wonder woman that I allowed to marry me about it and she said, "Honey, they are just looking because it is a beautiful car". I said, "no, no...it has to be more".
Well, we proceeded to the grocery store, to give more money away (but for good reason). On the way, I was just getting off the beltway when all of the sudden "CRACK!!" A rock flew up, hit the windshield (575 miles on vehicle) and made 2 little pits! Why me?
So....when I got out at the store to inspect the windshield, I then noticed what ALL the passing people noticed that I did not. As I said earlier, I JUST washed the car. As I went around the front, what do I See? On the hood, 3, count them, (THREE) large spots of BIRDSHIT !!! They say that if a bird shits on you that it is good luck. Good luck for who? The bird? Why me???

Superstitions

Well folks....that time (and/or day) for the beginning of superstitions. The main one that I am referring to for today is the one "DON'T WASH CLOTHES ON NEW YEARS OR YOU WILL WASH SOMEONE OUT OF THE FAMILY"! That one.
My answer: hogwash, horseshit, bullshit, rats ass. (Why is it always animals? That will be another blog for another time.)
Anyway, I have never been one for superstitions, My mom was totally superstitous beyond any realm. Here is a prime example:
One day, we were on our way home. I was about 14 and as we were about 2 blocks (700 feet) from home. Out of nowhere, a black cat ran out in front of the car. My Mom slams on the brakes and on a 2 lane road with high curbs she decides to attempt at a 43 point turn around (well...actually maybe only a 3 point, but at the time, it appeared to be 43. Will explain in a moment), and in no way, shape or form was she going to "CROSS THE PATH OF A BLACK CAT".
At this particular time, I was having a little discomfort, my stomach was cramping, I was farting with no assurance that it would totally remain all air and no solids. I need to get home! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....she turned around in her 43 point turn (told you that I would explain the excessive points), and commenced to go about 6 blocks out of her way without ever having the possibility of crossing the path of that black cat.
Well....we did make it home with doing what she did not want to do, but at about 3 blocks (one farther than what home was to be) my discomfort resided. I no longer had pains in my belly nor was I blowing the uncertainty of gas. Why? BECAUSE I SHIT MY PANTS!
See....moral of the story: one's superstitions is not always good for all.
Happy New Year!

TWENTY LITTLE ANGELS

TWENTY LITTLE ANGELS

Twenty little angels were called back home today,
they were all called back to heaven,
it seemed by the most hideous way.
While here and now for eternity,
they will remain the innocent and the pure,
now GOD holds them in his arms,
where they will feel no pain ever more.
Together in Heaven, they will play
and dance all around,
there will be no more tears or even
so much as a frown.
They will sing children’s songs
and laugh together all eternity through,
for here on earth, they paid the
ultimate price, now nothing else is due.
All the children will all hold a candle,
whose light will show them the way,
they know that they will soon
be with Mommy and Daddy again,
together forever they will stay.
They want Mommy and Daddy to know
that now they are safe and secure,
nothing else can ever harm them again,
for that much, they are sure.
Though they are all happy now,
they all possess only one more fear,
And that is that their Mommy and Daddy would
put out their candle by shedding
even one more tear.

Lenny Woods
2012

Baby Skunk

On a cold rainy night, a couple is driving along when all of the sudden the car breaks down. The man gets out and tries to fix it. A few minutes later, he returns to the comfort of the car, but he is now cold, wet and shivering. As he is trying to get warm, his wife looks out the window, "Honey, there's a baby skunk out there. Look, he too is cold and wet and shivering".
"But Dear", the man starts, "he has a mother that will take care of him".
"But Honey, look at him, he will die if he stays out there. Please go get him".
The husband looks at his wife, grunts and then he goes out to fetch the baby skunk. He gets back in and hands the baby to his wife since she is still dry. As she holds him and tries to warm him, he continues to shake. "Honey, he is still cold and shivering. I don't know what to do!"
"Well Dear, try putting him between your legs to warm him".
"But Honey, what about the smell?"
""Well Dear, if you think the smell would be a problem, then try holding the little fellas' nose"!

Halloween Costume



A black man and his wife were going to a Halloween party in a couple of days so the husband tells his wife to go to the store and get costumes for them to wear.

When he comes home that night he goes into the bedroom and there laid out on the bed is a Superman costume. The husband yells at his wife, "What are you doing? Have you ever heard of a black Superman? Take this back and get me something else I can wear."

The next day the wife, not too happy, returns the costume and gets a replacement. The husband comes home from work goes to the bedroom and there, laid out on the bed, is a Batman costume. He again yells at his poor wife, "What are you doing? Have you ever heard of a black Batman? Take this back and get me something I can wear to the costume party!

The next morning his irate wife goes shopping. When the husband comes home again from work, there laid out on the bed are three items: one is a set of three white buttons, the second is a thick white belt, and the third item is a 2x4 The husband yells at the wife, "What the hell are these for?"

The wife yells back, "Take your clothes off. You can put the three white buttons on the front of you and go as a domino. If you dont like that idea, you can put the white belt on and go as an Oreo. And if you dont like THAT idea, you can shove the 2 x 4 up your ass and go as a fudgesicle!"
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