Cars

Cars.

I got my first car when I was 23 years old. I paid the prior loan off in cash after making monthly payments for the prior 6 to 8 months. It was entirely too expensive, but I had little choice in the matter. I inherited it. It was either pay off the loan or lose the car. As I did not have the time or energy to make a thorough search of good, used vehicles, my mother’s sedan would have to do.

Rarely needing major work, it’s been a good car. I’ve kept it up with regular oil changes, belt replacement and diagnostic checks. The body could use some work though. Beaten up by some hail on an impromptu Wal-Mart trip for cookies I didn’t need, crackling hood paint from improper use of gas station window fluid, and a cracked fender from an accident I was too scared to report (also my fault), it surely needs some exterior restoration work.

Now, aren’t our lives a lot like my inheritance? Decaying (after years of life’s small dings and dents), but the engine, belts, and hoses are still running pretty well? (The engine is a little tired, but I encourage it to keep going!) Sometimes we can look pretty bad on the surface, full of wear and tear. And much of it isn’t always under our control (hail damage and dings from rude patrons at shopping malls or apartment complex parking lots). But it ends up there nonetheless—and it looks bad on our life’s vehicles. Some, or most of it can be accidental, and much of it is our own fault (if you’re like me). I’m sorry to admit though, I think some of it is not. Regardless, we are left to deal with the mess, the scratches and dents from life’s problems.
If we’re smart, law-abiding citizens, we’ll carry insurance, but usually (if you’re like me) you won’t utilize your insurance plan to cover the little things (like hail or a ding here and there). Usually, we pay “out-of-pocket” to save ourselves the higher expense and insurance mark-ups. It’s too bad. I think most of us also treat God the same as our insurance carriers. God, unlike The Hartford or Geico, has insurance that covers it all! Even the knicks and scratches on your new Lexus after a visit for milk at the grocery store! (Ouch!) Did I hit a nerve? Yeah, that offense. Minor, but it’s there isn’t it! The anger, the irritation. What about the rude neighbor or his kids who play loud music all the time? Your boss? Your irritating co-worker who knows just how to put you down—oh so subtlely. Doesn’t King Solomon state that it is “the little foxes that spoil the vineyards”? (SoS). But we aren’t vehicles, we are human, and life’s offenses and hurts damage our hearts (our engines) and wear on our faces (the paint job).

I read a proverb awhile ago taken off my Decaf-Vanilla Chai Tea bag: “For much wood a little fire suffices” (an Oriental saying). It took me awhile to get my “Aha” moment—I had to really think about the statement. But it’s pretty much stating what the wisest man who ever lived wrote—it’s the small things that add up.

I used to work for a clinical group home near Seattle, WA. If there was one thing I personally learned there it was this: the little things really add up. I saw it displayed every day in the young people we served and in my attitude and restlessness upon my arrival home after dealing with “blow-outs” all day long. I learned that if I don’t take that offense to the LORD immediately after it occurs (my insurance plan), I ended up really… angry! Moody, irritable, impatient, you get the idea, and it sure takes a toll on my mouth (my engine—the heart—see Matthew 12:34).

Dr. Neil Anderson offers some advice on this topic: forgive offenses (--for real. Give that person or group of persons to the LORD. He’ll take care of it if you forgive from the heart (Matthew 18:35) and truly give them and your feelings (all of them!) over to Him. For those of us who need help doing this (ahem!) we have the Holy Spirit, our comforter and friend. Like Dr. Anderson says in his booklet Winning Spiritual Warfare, “Don’t pray, ‘Lord help me to forgive, He is already helping you,” (p.). Or, “ ‘Lord, I want to forgive’; by saying this you are bypassing your (fundamental responsibility) to forgive,” (p.).

Ouch again! The Bible states that God has given us everything we need that pertains to… what? Life and godliness (II Peter 1:3). We thank Him for what He’s already done and given us—the tools to forgive. Then, we obey. This may not keep our vehicles dent-free, but it will keep us dent-restored. Thank God for the blood of His son Jesus.

Recommended Readings/Homework:

Proverbs 19:11
I Peter 4:8

A Ravaged Mind

Hello --,

Yes, I am thankful -- is almost well. He still isn't feeling that good, but sounds good over the phone. I, however, have not been well. Like I posted on a Facebook page--my time off antipsychotics is over. I now realize I really do have schizophrenic symptoms and behaviors. It's been really eye-opening actually. I didn't really think I was schizophrenic, but I have the symptoms!

I have managed to stay out of the hospital the last 3 weeks, but it truly has been hell at home. I haven't been able to call people, have people over, go out, etc. I only have maybe 3-5 good hours during the day, the rest of the time is spent in sleep, or with a confused and disordered mind. I am thankful to God, though, that He has provided me with a good doctor and I was able to see him in my time of crisis instead of going to the ER/inpatient psych. ward.

I am on a new antipsychotic, and it is not working. So I will have to keep trying with other drugs. The ones I want to try the most, unfortunately, are not available here in the US. They are available in the UK. I have no idea how I would get a doctor there.

Anyhow, God gives me moments of peace despite the fact that my mind is not okay. i also laughed a lot yesterday and even danced a bit, so I think that's good. I will update you further when things are better.

Healing,
--

Letter to a Church Staff

Hi {},

We spoke several months, if not about a year ago. I have included here a sample of verses and topics that can be used if a group for supporting mentally ill members of the church (of which there are many) were created. I am still interested in following up, and I have NO CARE who leads it or doesn't lead it. I feel that was misunderstood or communicated earlier.

The fact is, it is needed, and I am more than willing to provide resources and handouts and tools that are helpful for a class such as this. I do not recommend ignoring this. It's nice that {} has opened its doors to support groups for NAMI, this would take that support and make it more full circle, and each event can refer back to the other. I also know a woman who leads the NAMI support groups on Thursdays, she is a kind, Christian woman, and she could give valuable input to a Bible study group at the church.

I advise when taking into account who DOES lead a group such as this, you would probably want someone who already deals with a mental illness and is what we call "higher functioning" I am not quite in that group. And just as any other ill person would know, there are symptoms of mental illness, those are not an excuse to terminate or withold leadership positions, just like a diabetic can have keto-acidosis or go into diabetic shock and/or coma, mentally ill individuals also have symptoms, like suicidal ideation, isolation, anxiety or fears, lack of motivation, etc. But this does not mean they are incompetent to serve others in the church. I would advise {} staff and leadership to reflect on this idea. Thanks for your time!

My Cats!

Adopted from my neighbor upstairs. So thankful for them!

For the Love of Parfum

For the Love of Parfum

I had my first love affair with perfume sitting next to a super jock in a sophomore biology class. I was a shy freshman yet proud to be sitting with the upperclassmen. I didn’t much take care of myself then. I had poor oral hygiene and made little use of the Ban roll-on that never seemed to help me anyhow. Then, I encountered Denny . Fresh mint or cinnamon breath, clean-shaven, ironed plaid shirts and expensive jeans with large black boots, Denny was the ideal of the American educators “super-jock” class. With his cute-ish little boy smile, straight small teeth, and freshly shaven face, he smelled like heaven every day we had class. I was stunned. I certainly didn’t smell that good! Here was my first eye-opening experience to my own lack of self-care. I wanted to smell that good, and I most certainly did not want to smell bad.

So my search began—in a way. My friends and I regularly browsed, sometimes shopped, at the local Macy’s store. I liked the clean edged darkly lit glass counters that Clinique, Elizabeth Arden (EA), and the men’s and women’s fragrances held, respectively. My birthday was coming up, and EA had nicely packaged a new floral product called Sunflowers (I’m sure you’ve all heard of that one). I tried it and liked it you could say. It was strong and smelled feminine. I asked my mother to get it for me on my birthday, and lo and behold! She did!

Now, keep in mind, my other hygiene habits hadn’t changed much. I was still sweaty and nervous, and biology class was just after lunch. I was one of the first few at the door that day—which sometimes remained locked until our teacher would open it from the inside. However, on this new day, I was armed with my new eau de toilette, Sunflowers, a monster of a floral beast with enough power packed in it to nauseate even kings. It was powerful stuff and dispersed almost instantly.

I discreetly pumped a few sprays before entering the classroom. Wow, it was powerful! The girl who often chatted with me, a freckled faced sophomore, sat directly in front of me; I smelled myself—could she also smell it? She didn’t say anything—kindly now I’m sure. I was safe. No one seemed to notice. Everyone came filing in to class. Then Denny walked in. My heart rate went up for sure. I was nervous, would he notice?

“Awh! What’s that awful smell?!” He loudly exclaimed as he walked in and dumped himself and his backpack down next to me. I remained silent. My friend up front made a similar comment as to not being certain where the smell was coming from. My desire to smell nice had backfired! I wasn’t supposed to smell like a sunflower factory. I remained quiet. They were sophomore’s after all—I, a lowly freshman. The shock wore off, and class proceeded as usual. I made a mental note to myself to give it more time in the future—and some distance. I don’t recall wearing it anywhere else except church. I guess I wasn’t so fond of the scent after all.

As I grew older, the perfume counters really intrigued me, men and women’s fragrances. Cool Water by Davidoff was a big hit on most men my age, then Hugo came along and my best guy friend wore the stuff religiously. I think he thought I liked it, and I did—on him. I, however, somehow came into my own with my 18 yr. old discovery of Coco Chanel. No. 5 did not interest me, so I first bought the smaller bottle of Coco and have had a love affair with it for the past 11 years.

My father also seemed to believe Shalimar, by Guerlain, is an every woman’s fragrance and has bought me a bottle of it for almost every year for the past ten years. Oddly enough, thankfully enough, my dad hit a nail on its head because with its oriental, spicy nature, it well matched my already existent love for Coco and all items spicy. Poison is also a killer. I’ve also worn Chance, as a kind purchase for a Dillard’s saleswoman, and a wonderful fragrance by Avon called Perceive. Now that I’m 30, I’ve noticed my love for Coco is growing old—and its appeal to me isn’t quite the same. I’ve since expanded to Pink Sugar, BLV lotion, and other subtle gourmands and pricey treats. Just the other day, I made my rounds to the nearby Macy’s for, guess, my 30th birthday, and sampled several new products and a variety of other now extinct scents (L’Heure Bleu, for example) at a local beauty store. I decided to give No. 5 eau de parfum another chance. To my surprise, I loved it. Perhaps I’m just aging well.

Recommended Reads:

Perfumes, by Luca Turin and Tania Sanchez

Pain

God has given me 6 months or so of a psychosis free mind without antipsychotic medication. It seems that time has come to an end. Please keep me in prayer. God has began to show me things again, and allowed me to speak into others' lives the way I used to before I was diagnosed. Please pray for protection for my mind and brain, wisdom for my doctors and counselors, and protection for me from distraction and temptation. God bless each of you.

Banksy: There is Always Hope

There is always hope?

Gethsemane (The Olive Press) I

Gnarled branches on thick stands
We call them trunks.
Twisted roots rumble across the ground reaching out for water.
Olive leaves, eucalyptus shades and fresh oil.
A man’s hands cling to the rough bark of a tree,
bending forward in desperation, as if to crush the bark with his bare Hands.
Crying out to God.

“If only, if only,”
the wood-cutter says.

If not, then Who?
“No one,” a reply.

(C) TD 2011

Mountain Home

Mountain Home (a tribute to Arkansas)

Log cabin with blue-gray plumes of smoke rising to the surface—a Thomas Kinkade unveiling.
Mountains in the near distance, rising quietly to create two snow-capped peaks.
The rain is near.
Gray, shadowed peaks. Narrow ridged wrinkles climb up the mountains. Are they paths? Or are they folds?

Many folded Mountain, how art Thou? Do you have a Name?

I do. My name is Mystery. Climb my peaks and find me.

3/21/10

Vinyl

Vinyl.

Vinyl leaves on my neighboring tree
A hand held out to shake
A jungle in its depth, brown hanging branches.
Images of an ancient rainforest
in a web of branching lines.

7/28/10 TD