"You'll never see the courage I know. It's colors' richness will never appear within your view. No I will never glow the way that you glow. Your presence dominates what people really think of you.
But you see...as the scenery grows I see in different light than most. All the shades and shadows spill their true colors in my perception. I see from greater heights. I understand what I am still too proud to mention....to you."
Kell_AF_see: James and I were just friends. We only cut up and entertained the rumors. Lol he legit started a huge fight with me outta nowhere so he could have a reason to block me so he could go after this other girl. We were only really good friends lol...well I thought. I knew how he was about girls. I don't care about that. You never really know anyone on here. It's funny how people can be someone totally different than they pretend to be.
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Kell_AF_see: Lol yeah sinner and here you are!!
I was just thinking about how people can just totally be different than who u think in general and how guys are even as just friends lol
Mark I'll beatchu up! I tossed bales of hay bigger than your butt!!😜
Kell_AF_see: I don't think I need to be here anymore. I don't enjoy it anymore and it's having a negative effect in my life now. I am thinking about taking a break for a while. I need time to get my priorities in order. I have been really getting to know myself the past 3 years. I was trapped in a nightmare for over 10 years that I couldn't get out of. You know how it feels when you are in a nightmare. You know you are in danger but you also know it's just a dream. You try to wake yourself up but you can't. YOU ARE ALWAYS TRYING!! Everyone around you knows you are in a nightmare because they can see you struggling and possibly hear you screaming. They even try to wake you up but they can't. But they don't know how to help you because they can't see what you are facing so they can't even understand the battle you are fighting. Well I finally woke up. But I am living in a world where I have to exist with the consequences from the decisions that I made to get out of that nightmare. I am extremely empathetic and I feel everything so intensely. It can make life very stressful. It's actually excruciating for me to be around people that imo are fake. I have the ability to manipulate and play games with people for my own entertainment. I am sure most of you realize that a lot of members on here do that. I am even guilty of trying it several times. But I just can't do it. Not because I am not capable because I could be actually dangerous if it was my intentions. But my heart is too big! You all aren't just conquest to me or just usernames. I develop true sincere feelings for the ones I really associate with and I consider those people my friends. I guess that's where I am naive at and where my biggest vulnerability lies. I am the perfect target for those that pursue all the ones they can in order to inflate their own ego or just because they are bored. I am too good to be involved with people that see me as that. I am the real deal. I either need to leave or set some strong boundaries for myself. I often feel that this whole world is just not for me. Idk what I need to do. But something has got to change.
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AArcAngel: It's not for everyone, wait rather.... It's best to choose those you associate with carefully... there are some really real good people in chat but it's few and far between. Im sorry things have stressed you so kelsee....Your a good egg!!
Kell_AF_see: I know the holidays are suppose to be a time of cheer and blah blah. And I will acknowledge that I will celebrate it cause it's Jesus's birthday but all I can really think about is that this is the first Christmas without my daddy and it will be the last with my momma. Please don't forget that some of us are dealing with an empty seat at the table this year. When all of your family gets together in one room it can be stressful but don't focus on that. Look at each and everyone of them and make yourself take a mental note of what they mean to you. Think about the special things that make them them. Appreciate your time in their presence. Even just the way they smell. Because I promise when they are gone you will try to remember all of these things about them❤️❤️❤️
Plus I am gonna be 40 this December😫😫😫 lol