Older middle-aged man, sufficiently experienced in life with a few rough edges to show for it, but with an optimistic view on life as a whole. Love to chat with those in Texas or out, just keep the drama away. Political talk will be duly ignored, except in the rooms specifically for them (and I'm darn opinionated!). Stay calm, stay focused, stay healthy, stay happy!
PS: If you want your pictures done like those on my Picture section, give me a PM. They are free for those on Wire!
jonah_kyle: I can give the short answer on dating, relationships, and happiness in this post. I have the numbers to back it up, but for more detailed analyses there are several podcasters that have excellent presentations that easily show you the phenomenon of dating in the western world.
This is going to be a multi-part post, so for this segment I will concentrate on women, ages 18-29. My next post will be advice for men in the same age range, then the following post will be about older women and men.
Your (legal) sexual attractiveness to men starts at 18. (Yes, age of consent is lower in many countries and US states, but I'll stick to the contemporary adult age of 18.) In most cases, without having to actively keep up your appearance, your prime attractiveness will last until you are 29. At 30, your attractiveness will start diminishing, and at 40 your primary sexual attractiveness will be mostly gone. Understand, this is NOT "every" women, and attractiveness doesn't always comport with physical looks alone. But to men, relative physical and sexual attractiveness is the primary factor in whether they are interested in a woman or not.
But if you "play" a lot in your twenties, and have body counts of 20 or more by the time you are 30, your attractiveness is reduced SIGNIFICANTLY, because by that time you now have a track record sexual interactions. In addition, because you are starting to lose prime attractiveness, at which time you will now start to be rejected more by men who previously would have dated you, but now they have the option of dating the younger twenty-somethings, you will find your own choices significantly reduced. Finally, because you are used to picking the prime men through your twenties, you were always looking for higher and higher quality men, so when suddenly you are being shunned by the men you were used to dating, you start to wonder why there are "no more good men anymore."
This is called "hypergamy." This is the dating paradigm where the top 20% of men are dating the top 80% of women, and in fact the top 5% of men are dating (mostly casually sexual) the top 50% of women; anyone not in those ranges, women typically ignore. So the numbers are strongly AGAINST all but the super elite of women from having a relationship beyond casual sex/friendship with a man they deem attractive enough to have as a mate.
Obviously, the odds here are predicated on physical attraction. But women look for far more than that; physical attraction is the GATEWAY. What they also look for is financial clout and ability to sustain a family. In addition, men rarely find older women (defined as being more than 2 to 3 years older) as attractive as one younger than them, or at least around the same age. That's why millionaire men's wives typically are much younger than their millionaire husbands; why the term "trophy wife" is bandied about, it is more about how men are primarily attracted to physical beauty and overall feminine grace, as well as optimal child bearing years, and the women generally have far greater access as well as incentive to maintain their beauty as long as possible, usually into their fifties.
Now the ugly truth: A top 10% male, particularly those that are in their 30's, are the primary dating beneficiaries of all sexes and all ages. The percentage is defined not just through looks, but finances, leadership traits, and overall societal stability. 50% of all women ache to have one of these men in their lives. But herein lies the problem: they are men. Duh, you say, but what does a top 10% man look for? Sex with attractive women. That is their main goal, whether they live in a messy studio apartment or Beverly Hills mansion. And they have their choice from, literally, the top 50% of women. So when men date women, sometimes the woman mistakes the level of attraction that a man has for them. News flash: Over 90% of such men want only to casually date you, casually hook up with you, then move on to the next woman. As I said, they have hundreds of contacts on their Tinder or similar profile. So only 10% of top tier men want to have a full, presumably monogamous relationship. Now, 10% of 10% is equal to 1% of all men, which upwards of 50% of the women are trying to attract.
Now, in your twenties, maybe full, sustaining relationships isn't something you are looking for. You are feeling the tingles of multiple men wanting you, including many men of the top 10%, so you live your life dating several such men, thinking that this can go on as long as you want. But remember that age: 30. That is the year when you will notice the attraction of men whom you consider good candidates for attempting to have a relationship with start to dwindle, sometimes with a thud.
Does this sound misogynistic? Certainly. I don't want to mince words, though. This isn't the place for it. To summarize your options being an 18-29 female:
1. You can generally have casual relationships with many top tier men, and since you are not looking to "settle down" yet, you may not be too worried if you have multiple relationships.
2. But this is ALSO the time when you are MOST likely to attract men who look for long-term (lifetime), committed relationships. I will call those men "prime relationship men," or PRM's. In fact, you are far more likely to attract a PRM from ages 25-40 while you are in the ages of 18-29. Of course, virtually every man with a pecker will want you (check your comments and likes for verification), so you have a lot of weeds to wade through.
3. Once you hit 30, your prospects will diminish greatly. If you actively maintain your physical looks through gym and healthy diet, that age may go up to 35, 40, and possibly older if you really are adamant about staying physically attractive, though most don't put the effort (same goes for men, not being mysogynistic). Because of this, you are NOW out of the "youthful attractiveness" pool, and now your own pool of PRM prospects diminish. In many studies, the diminished amount is upwards of 10 times; i.e., you have only 1/10th the ability to attract a PRM than in your twenties.
Summarizing: IF your end goal is to achieve a strong relationship with a PRM, I advise that you date casually from age 18 men of all ages up to your comfort ceiling, probably 10 years or less older than you. Be VERY selective whom you have sex with. Unfortunately, body counts matter to most men, and even if they think it doesn't matter, statistics show that women who've been with more than 20 men before having their first major relationship will NOT stay in the relationship 7 times more often than women who've had a reasonably low amount of sexual partners. At about age 25, that is the BEST time to start seriously looking for men who will be the best PRM. They may not be in the top 10% of men or in the "6-6-6-6" club: 6 feet tall, 6-figure (U.S Dollar) income, 6-pack abs, and 6 inches "down there." (Actually, that last figure is absolute minimum; 7 to 8 inches is considered optimal nowadays.) The best PRM's of course are those who aren't constantly on social apps looking for constant sex; those men you will know more instinctively than can be described here.
So it comes down to this: when you are ready and you are still well under thirty, stop swiping right on hot AF men just to get your tingles; your future happiness from age 40 until 90 or 100 (by that time, that will probably be average age of women) will be determined by what you put your mind to in your twenties.
Again, this is GENERIC in nature. There are many, many different factors, but the bottom line is you have the leverage for a healthy relationship more than any other gender and age group; use it wisely.
PumpkinMoondust: This girl says she has never been on Wire and lives in Indiana...has never been to any of the places Brandi says 'she's' from....