Jeremy43 Offline

45 Casually dating Male from Dallas       147
         
I am a laid back person. I deal with ptsd and fibromyalia everyday. So some days are a challenge for me. ( For Politics. I have had it with the repbulicans and the demorcrats) I am also a cancer survivor of 4 years now. I can be a little shy at first. Until i get to know you. I am not looking for a relationship. I am just here to make friends with new people. Hope that is ok with everyone. I dont do phone or cam sorry.

Jeremy43 
Jeremy43:
This is one holiday i miss out on now. My father pasted away 10 years ago. He and i did not get along with one another at all. I dont have any kids of my own to celebrate father's day with. Sometimes i find myself wondering if i would have made a good father. To a son.
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Jeremy43 
Jeremy43:
Funny Father’s Day quotes
1. “We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill, ‘He wants his mother.’” —Erma Bombeck

2. “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant, I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” —Mark Twain

3. “Remember: What Dad really wants is a nap. Really.” —Dave Barry

4. “I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, ‘My dad can beat up your dad.’ I’d say, ‘Yeah? When?’” —Bill Hicks

5. “Men should always change diapers. It’s a very rewarding experience. It’s mentally cleansing. It’s like washing dishes, but imagine if the dishes were your kids, so you really love the dishes.” —Chris Martin

6. “When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, ‘Daddy, will you take me to the zoo?’ He answered, ‘If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you.’” —Jerry Lewis

7. “A father carries pictures where his money used to be.” —Steve Martin

8. “To be a successful father, there’s one absolute rule: When you have a kid, don’t look at it for the first two years.” —Ernest Hemingway

9. “My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.” —Spike Milligan

10. “By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.” —Charles Wadsworth

11. “Dad taught me everything I know. Unfortunately, he didn’t teach me everything he knows.” —Al Unser

12. “The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get.” —Tim Russert

13. “The best fathers have the softest, sweetest hearts. In other words, great dads are real marshmallows.” —Richelle E. Goodrich, “Slaying Dragons”

14. “You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.” —Jerry Seinfeld

15. “When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape.” —Dave Attell

16. “I gave my father $100 and said, ‘Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.’ So he went out and bought a present for my mother.” —Rita Rudner

17. “Even though I’m proud my dad invented the rearview mirror, we’re not as close as we appear.” —Stewart Francis

18. “When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape.” —Dave Attell

19. “I gave my father $100 and said, ‘Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.’ So he went out and bought a present for my mother.” —Rita Rudner

20. “Even though I’m proud my dad invented the rearview mirror, we’re not as close as we appear.” —Stewart Francis

21. “Father’s Day is important because, besides being the day on which we honor Dad, it’s the one day of the year that Brookstone does any business.” —Jimmy Fallon

22. “Me and my dad used to play tag. He’d drive.” —Rodney Dangerfield

Funny Fathers Day Quotes 2 Gettyimages 1322653520
RD.com, Getty Images
Funny Father’s Day quotes from dads
23. “My daughter got me a ‘World’s Best Dad’ mug. So we know she’s sarcastic.” —Bob Odenkirk

24. “A father carries pictures where his money used to be.” —Steve Martin

25. “Having a 2-year-old is like having a blender without a lid.” —Jerry Seinfeld

26. “My 4-year-old son gave me a handmade card for Father’s Day. Maybe for Christmas I’ll draw him a picture of some toys.” —Jim Gaffigan

27. “Before I got married, I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories.” —John Wilmot

28. “How come my 3-year-old son knows every species and genus of dinosaur and I can’t even remember my home phone number?” —Taye Diggs

29. “Four-year-old: Tell me a scary story! Me: One time little people popped out of your mom, and they never stopped asking questions. Four-year-old: Why?” —James Breakwell

30. “I want my son to wear a helmet 24 hours a day. If it was socially acceptable, I’d be the first one to have my kid in a full helmet and, like, a cage across his face mask.” —Will Arnett

31. “Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.” —Martin Mull

32. “I just sit there and make up songs and sing to [my son] in gibberish. I’m very good at gibberish now.” —Elton John

33. “Buying your kid a goldfish is a great way to teach them about responsibility for 24 to 36 hours.” —Conan O’Brien

34. “My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.” —Jeff Foxworthy
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Jeremy43 
Jeremy43:
71. Joke: How do you know when a fish is playing hooky?
Answer: When it’s not in a school.

72. Joke: How do you know when a vampire bat is sick?
Answer: It can’t stop coffin.

73. Joke: How do you know when a vampire is deathly sick?
Answer: It can’t stop coffin.

74. Joke: How do you make a skeleton laugh?
Answer: Tickle its funny bone.

75. Joke: How do you make a whale float?
Answer: Two scoops of ice cream, root beer, and a whale.


76. Joke: How do you make a witch itch?
Answer: Take out the “W”.

77. Joke: How do you make friends with a squirrel?
Answer: Climb a tree and act like a nut.

78. Joke: How do you milk an ant?
Answer: First you get a really low stool.

79. Joke: How do you read a book about plants?
Answer: You leaf through it.

80. Joke: How do you say goodbye to a sick alligator?
Answer: “See you later, illigator.”

81. Joke: How do you spell mouse trap with 3 letters?
Answer: C-A-T.
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Jeremy43 
Jeremy43:
Happy father's day to all the dad's out there
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Jeremy43 
Jeremy43:
Wishing all the father's and step father's out there. A happy father's day
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Jeremy43 
Jeremy43:
Father and son jokes.

Why did the Energizer Bunny go to jail? He was charged with battery.
What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Krispies.
What do French hedgehogs see on Groundhog Day? Their chateau.
What do you get when you cross a fish with an elephant? Swimming trunks.
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
What color is the wind? Blew.

How do fish pay for groceries? With sand dollars.
Did you hear about the guy who's afraid of escalators? He takes steps to avoid them.
How do you find a cheetah in the dark? Use a spotlight.
Why did the boy do his homework on the plane? He wanted a higher education.
Why did the cake cross the road? It saw a fork up ahead.
What do you call a boomerang that won't come back? A stick.
How did the dog get all A's on its report card? It was the teacher's pet.

Why did the belt get arrested? It held up a pair of pants.
How do bees get to school? On the school buzz.
What do you call a teenager that refuses to grow up? Constantine.
What do horses do when it's time for bed? Hit the hay.
Where do fingers grow? On palm trees.
What did one eye say to the other? Between us, something smells.

Why did the pasta go to the dermatologist? It had a big ziti.
Why are shopping centers boring? Because if you've seen one, you've seen the mall.
Did you hear about the girl who ate a frog? They say she's going to croak.
Bacon and eggs walk into a restaurant. The host says, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
Did you hear about the magician who was driving down the street? He turned into a parking lot.
Why didn't the chef season his dish? He ran out of thyme.
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TexasBoy9572 got the BFF badge from Jeremy43 2 days ago Report
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TexasBoy9572
TexasBoy9572:
Thank you Jeremy
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Jeremy43 
Jeremy43:
12. Every day I say, “Bob, you’ve got to stop drinking so much.” I’m so glad my name is Chad.

13. Some people see the glass as half empty. Some see it as half full. I just wonder who on earth is drinking my beer.

14. Sign outside a bar: “Buy one beer for the price of two and get your second beer absolutely free.”

15. Beer and life are best enjoyed the same way. Chilled

16. This beer tastes like I’m not going to work tomorrow.

17. Beer is made from hops. Hop is a plant. Therefore, Beer is a salad.

18. To beer or not to beer, that is the question.

19. IPA a lot when I drink beer.

20. I fear my last words will be: Hold my beer and watch this.

21. Give a man a beer, and he wastes an hour. Teach a man how to brew, and he wastes a lifetime.

22. Remember, it’s only a beer commercial. That kind of happiness may not be attainable.

23. Fun fact about root beer. You can turn it into regular beer by pouring it into a square cup.

24. You shouldn’t drink beer every day. That’s why I only drink at night.

25. A neutron walks into a bar and asks, “how much for a beer?” The bartender replies, “for you? No charge!”

26. Spilling a beer is the adult equivalent of a kid dropping an ice cream.

27. Never look at your beer as half empty. Look at it as halfway to your next beer.

28. When my friend fell asleep at the bar I poured ale at him. It was a brewed awakening.

29. A Roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says:
Give me five beers.
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Jeremy43 
Jeremy43:
41. Joke: How do monkeys go downstairs?
Answer: They slide down the banana-ster.

42. Joke: How do ocean creatures cross the ocean?
Answer: By taxi crab.

43. Joke: How do porcupines communicate?
Answer: Through spine language.

44. Joke: How do porcupines hug and kiss?
Answer: Very carefully.

45. Joke: How do porcupines play leapfrog?
Answer: Very carefully.

46. Joke: How do rabbits keep in shape?
Answer: They do HARErobics.

47. Joke: How do rabbits travel?
Answer: In HARE-planes.

48. Joke: How do robins find their way to their nesting places?
Answer: They follow the “egg-sit” signs.

49. Joke: How do robins start their exercise routine?
Answer: With worm-ups.

50. Joke: How do skeletons send their mail?
Answer: By bony express.

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51. Joke: How do slugs get up mountains?
Answer: They slime to the top.

52. Joke: How do snails get their shells all shiny and clean?
Answer: They use snail polish.

53. Joke: How do snails greet each other?
Answer: “Long slime, no see.”

54. Joke: How do snails start their fairy tales?
Answer: Once upon a slime.

55. Joke: How do snakes sign their letters?
Answer: With hugs and hisses.

56. Joke: How do termites travel?
Answer: By chew-chew train.

57. Joke: How do turkeys wake their friends on Thanksgiving morning?
Answer: With alarm clucks.

58. Joke: How do tyrannosaurs like their eggs?
Answer: Terri-fried!

59. Joke: How do wasps communicate?
Answer: Through bee-mail.

60. Joke: How do weeping willows remove splinters?
Answer: With tree-zers.

61. Joke: How do you divide an ocean in half?
Answer: Use a sea saw.

62. Joke: How do you find a cheetah at night?
Answer: Use a spotlight.

63. Joke: How do you find your mosquito bites?
Answer: Start from scratch.

64. Joke: How do you fix a smashed jack-o’-lantern?
Answer: With a pumpkin patch.

65. Joke: How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?
Answer: You rock-it.

66. Joke: How do you get a frog off your back car window?
Answer: Use a rear-window defrogger.

67. Joke: How do you keep a buffalo from charging?
Answer: Take away its credit card.

68. Joke: How do you keep a dragon from going through the eye of a needle?
Answer: Tie a knot in its tail.

69. Joke: How do you keep a stinky salmon from smelling?
Answer: Hold its nose.

70. Joke: How do you know when a bee is talking on the phone?
Answer: You hear a buzzy signal.
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Jeremy43 
Jeremy43:
26. Joke: How do birds fly in the rain?
Answer: They use wing shield wipers.

27. Joke: How do birds keep in shape?
Answer: They do a lot of eggs-ercises.

28. Joke: How do bulls pay for their groceries?
Answer: They charge them.

29. Joke: How do cats keep their breath fresh?
Answer: They use mouse wash.

30. Joke: How do chickens keep in shape?
Answer: They do lots of EGGSercises.

31. Joke: How do cows find their way home?
Answer: They follow the Milky Way.

32. Joke: How do deer keep their coats looking good?
Answer: They use pine combs.

33. Joke: How do dentists fix dragon teeth?
Answer: With a fire drill.

34. Joke: How do dolphins make important decisions?
Answer: They flipper a coin.

35. Joke: How do elephants communicate with each other?
Answer: By elephone.

36. Joke: How do fish start their fairy tales?
Answer: Once upon a SLIME.

37. Joke: How do fleas travel?
Answer: They itch hike.

38. Joke: How do ghosts greet each other on New Year’s Day?
Answer: “Happy Boo Year!”

39. Joke: How do groups of whales listen to music?
Answer: They use their i-PODS.

40. Joke: How do jackrabbits keep cool in the dessert?
Answer: The use ear-conditioning.
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KeepingCalm
KeepingCalm:
This are awesome. Where's #18-25??
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Jeremy43 
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hoserman
hoserman:
all 3 so true
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Jeremy43 
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hoserman
hoserman:
that's my house 4 sure the 2 cats we have love 2 hang out in bathroom
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BENjaminToVeR got the Hug badge from Jeremy43 4 days ago Report
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Jeremy43 
Jeremy43:
51. Joke: How do slugs get up mountains?
Answer: They slime to the top.

52. Joke: How do snails get their shells all shiny and clean?
Answer: They use snail polish.

53. Joke: How do snails greet each other?
Answer: “Long slime, no see.”

54. Joke: How do snails start their fairy tales?
Answer: Once upon a slime.

55. Joke: How do snakes sign their letters?
Answer: With hugs and hisses.

56. Joke: How do termites travel?
Answer: By chew-chew train.

57. Joke: How do turkeys wake their friends on Thanksgiving morning?
Answer: With alarm clucks.

58. Joke: How do tyrannosaurs like their eggs?
Answer: Terri-fried!

59. Joke: How do wasps communicate?
Answer: Through bee-mail.

60. Joke: How do weeping willows remove splinters?
Answer: With tree-zers.
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Jeremy43 
Jeremy43:
"What did one ocean say to the other? Nothing, they just waved."



"What did the right eye say to the left eye? Honestly, between you and me, something smells."



"What do you call a dinosaur with only one eye? A Do-you-think-he-saw-us!"



"Why did the developer go broke? Because he used up all his cache."



"A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, 'I'll have a pint of beer, please.' The bartender asks, 'Why the big pause?' The bear replies, 'Well, I've always had 'em!'"



"What does a nosey pepper do? Get jalapeno business."



"My husband told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down."



"Two fish in a tank, one looks at the other and says, 'How do you drive this thing?'"



"My wife and I laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more."



"This is your captain speaking, AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING."



"To the person who stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my word."



"Never trust atoms; they make up everything."



"I used to think I was indecisive. But now I’m not so sure."



"My therapist says I have a preoccupation for revenge. We’ll see about that."



"The future, the present, and the past walk into a bar. Things got a little tense."



"My manager was complaining that I never listen to them… or something like that."



"People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders."



"6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down."



"Refusing to go to the gym is a form of resistance training."



"The rotation of Earth really makes my day."



"Well, to be Frank with you, I’d have to change my name."



"The world champion tongue twister got arrested. I hear they’re going to give him a tough sentence."



"Whiteboards are remarkable."



"Have you heard about the new restaurant called ‘Karma?’ There’s no menu—you get what you deserve."



"Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular."



Laughter is the best medicine, even in the workplace. Whether you're sharing these jokes during a team meeting or taking a quick break at your desk, these light-hearted quips are sure to bring smiles and create a positive atmosphere. After all, a happy workplace is a productive workplace!
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hoserman
hoserman:
thxs 4 the laugh it made my day so much better
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Jeremy43 
Jeremy43:
National Friendship Day.
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hoserman
hoserman:
EVERY one of them are so true!! Right om point & I agree 100000% to each one of them THXS !!! for posting them buddy
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Jeremy43
Jeremy43 in reply to hoserman:
Your welcome. ::
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Micheal 919
Micheal 919:
A special best friend is the one who always there for you and they never have to ask as they know that you always be there for them to.

And if the have fight Superman they'll be with you.
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Jeremy43 
Jeremy43:
Happy Early Fathers day to all the dads and single dads out there.

25 of Our Favorite Dad Jokes
Dad jokes – love ‘em or hate ‘em, they’re some of the most recognizable funnies out there. Mostly for the giant groans they illicit from everyone in earshot. A rite of passage for father figures everywhere, the humor in a dad joke comes from just how corny and cheesy they are. We all know the classic, Hi Hungry, I’m Dad!, but in honor of Father’s Day, here are 25 of the best (or worst) dad jokes out there.

I spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house… but the kids still get in.
Why is it a bad idea to iron your four-leaf clover? ‘Cause you shouldn't press your luck.
What do you call a beehive without an exit? Unbelievable.
Why do vampires seem sick? They're always coffin.
How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together!
Which days are the strongest? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta!
What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to be careful not to step in a poodle.
I remember as a kid, my dad got fired from his job as a road worker for theft. I refused to believe he could do such a thing, but when I got home, the signs were all there.
We all know about Murphy’s Law: anything that can go wrong will go wrong. But have you heard of Cole’s Law? It’s thinly sliced cabbage.
I don’t trust stairs. They are always up to something.
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese.
I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.
You think swimming with sharks is expensive? Swimming with sharks cost me an arm and a leg.
Do you want a box for your leftovers? No, but I'll wrestle you for them.
What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little hoarse.
How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh? Nothing, it's on the house.
Don't trust atoms. They make up everything!
I wouldn't buy anything with velcro. It's a total rip-off.
Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!
The rotation of the earth really makes my day.
Why do dogs float in water? Because they are good buoys.
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
Try and out-do the master joker this weekend. Happy Father’s Day!
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Jeremy43 
Jeremy43:
Sadly, we don’t always know the depths of someone’s depression until it is too late. 🥺 May I please have even 1 friend to copy and re-post? I am trying to demonstrate that someone is listening.
Just one.
Anyone !!!!!!
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hoserman
hoserman:
ok I re posted & i here 4 u buddy!!! U always have a friend with me
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Silent Witness
Silent Witness:
I am listening. Never give up, there is always light at the end of a tunnel.
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Jeremy43 
Jeremy43:
41. Joke: How do monkeys go downstairs?
Answer: They slide down the banana-ster.

42. Joke: How do ocean creatures cross the ocean?
Answer: By taxi crab.

43. Joke: How do porcupines communicate?
Answer: Through spine language.

44. Joke: How do porcupines hug and kiss?
Answer: Very carefully.

45. Joke: How do porcupines play leapfrog?
Answer: Very carefully.

46. Joke: How do rabbits keep in shape?
Answer: They do HARErobics.

47. Joke: How do rabbits travel?
Answer: In HARE-planes.

48. Joke: How do robins find their way to their nesting places?
Answer: They follow the “egg-sit” signs.

49. Joke: How do robins start their exercise routine?
Answer: With worm-ups.

50. Joke: How do skeletons send their mail?
Answer: By bony express.
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