jeanieinabottle Offline

Who I am.

So... a lot of people have asked me why I think everyone's soul is perfect. I don't think this, I know this. A few years ago, I had this weird electrical impulse in my heart, the technical name was "sustained monomorphic ventricular tachycardia" It is very rare to see someone so young as I was, with this condition. They treated the condition with ablation surgeries (a catheter up my main artery to burn my heart--32 times!). The first time they tried this operation, I died on the operating table.

While I was “dead,” I retained consciousness. I went to a higher state of being. There I became one with everything that has ever existed, that has ever been alive, that ever will be alive, not just here on this earth, but everywhere. The level of joy and peace and connection in this state of higher being is truly indescribable. Only at rare times now, can I feel a small sense of it. I cannot fully connect with it, but even a small sense of it gives me complete peace. Sometimes when I look at the moon, or when I hear the wind, or when I look into the eyes of a person who is aware of their own soul, then I see and feel that connection briefly and beautifully. When I died… it felt like an infinite amount of time passed. I was gone forever, because there is no time there. Like a flash, I had an idea, “do I want to live again?” I thought “yes.” So somehow I was ladled out of this primordial soup of our connection we share… and I was shocked to find myself in the same body that I had been in last. It still stuns me today, to tell you the truth.

Since then, I tend to see people as their souls that I know I am connected with. Some are easier to do this with than others, as some are aware, and some are lost. For those of you who know me, you know, I’m not a saint or anything, I get pissed off, and am just as petty and full of shite, as anyone else, but in quiet moments, when I concentrate and meditate I can re-connect with my own soul, and then I know and feel my soul is perfect, as is yours. Nothing we do here on earth takes away from that perfection deep in our souls, our actions, thoughts, and deeds merely either take us further away from who we really are, or bring us closer to who we really are. And who we really are… is…perfection. We are all one.

My second operation cured me, and I have been happy to be alive everyday since then. (Although some days are still totally full of shite!)

PS: I think one of the keys of getting closer to who we really are, is to forgive, yourself and others. Perhaps another key is to not be afraid of love, and not to dismiss it as "not love" just because it didn't last forever. Love while you can.