...........This little girl,I don't know whats going to happen to her............This little girl,i don't know whats going to happen to her.
Yesterday,at the elementary school I'm currently co-oping at,a little girl who was a tad younger than my little sister (9 yrs old) had a seizure on the playground,and started convulsing right in front of me.I've never witnessed this before and it completely caught me off guard.I felt really bad but I felt that I could not do anything so I waited for the ambulance with the other teachers.Today,I got to the grade one class just in time to hear the anthem and the announcements,and it was pouring outside.When the principal mentioned the little girl,she said that she was in critical care and that she was still convulsing......
.......she also mentioned that the little girl had a stroke. -_-*
Now those of you who know me,know that I had a stroke two years ago around the exact same time in this month....well I'm hoping you could guess what I felt after hearing that...but if not,let me explain.
I was standing at the door looking at all the children when the principal said that,and immediately after she did I....don't know came over me,all these thoughts rushed to my head,I started looking around frantically and looked at the teacher in the class,she looked up and looked at me because she had already known what had happened to me before.I did not know what to say and all of the emotions were getting the best of me so I left the class and went into the teachers lounge.All these questions were building up in my mind,and I started to tear upIs it serious? Will she be alright? Does she have brain damage? How will this affect her life? Did she feel the same things I did? Is she thinking the same thoughts I had?
Now,I don't cry,I feel for myself its a sign of weakness,but I could not control my self.I ended up talking to a teacher about it,didn't really help so I went back to the grade one class,sat in the back of the room while the teacher was in the front of the class with the kids.I started making crosses out of egg cartons for some easter project the kids were doing,but every time I'd start cutting,my hands would shake,and my thoughts would constantly go back to that little girl and the same questions kept popping up in my head.Then I actually started to picture what she would have looked like during and after the stroke and my heart sunk.I had to leave the class because I started tearing up again,thought if went outside it could clear my head up a bit.
As I was about to head outside I saw the principal,I had to ask her how the little girl was,how bad was the stroke.She looked at my eyes,(which were probably still red and watery)and she gave me one of the saddest faces I've seen."It's Bad,she had a ischemic stroke,and the doctors said that she isn't speaking and can barely move."She also mentioned that the doctor told her he asked the little girl to squeeze her finger and she did,so that means that she can still think and understand people.
I started tearing up again,her life is basically over,but teachers were telling me that its "gods plan".
......What...the fx%& kind of god lets this happen.....bullshit
Every teacher,social worker,psychologist,guidance councillor,youth worker I've talked to today hasn't helped,I still kept crying.I called my girlfriend,she goes to ryerson university and is studying nursing,so which means she's working in the hospital right now.She's the only person that I know who's been around soo much pain and suffering,strokes,heart attacks,and just last week two patients passed away in one day.She told me that after a while you learn to get used to it.Its still very different for me because I've been through what that little girl has been through,but I was lucky,because instead of having a full blown stroke,the clot dispersed from the large blood vessel to the smaller ones(if it had stayed there,I would have been paralyzed,become a vegetable,or die).
.......I dodged a bullet....she didn't ......
I'm not a religious person,but I will pray for her because I feel that's all I can do for her right now.I honestly hope medical science hurries up and helps this poor girl,so that she may live a normal life one day.
I missed the last two days of my co-op at St Jude's for personal reasons,so I went there today hoping to get a fresh start to the week at get everything that happened last week out of my mind.I talked to the vp for a while,told him that because of what had happened last week I've been really stressed out and it was affecting alot of different aspects of my life,but that I was trying to get over it.Thats when he asked me..........
.........are you going to the funeral?.........
I thought I had misheard him for a second,I couldnt really think at that point.I asked him,what he was talking about,I thought she was in the hospital going to go in for surgery.Thats when he gave me that look.....f%&@ my life.He said that he was sorry he was the first one to tell me,but she had died monday morning.She had a piece of her skull removed and they were going to operate on the brain.But then she had multiple strokes and they couldnt stop it,she eventually,and finally was at peace..........
All these emotions bombarded me again in the room,I just started pacing back and forth trying soo hard to hold back my tears.He asked me if I wanted to go talk to the the social worker,or if I wanted to go home.I told him that right now I just wanted to be with the kids,I left them early on friday and hadn't seen them for two days.They were the only ones who could cheer me up,and they did thankfully.
Im just soo pissed off.....She survived the first stroke,and she was still able to think and understand people.That in itself at her age is amazing,I was thinking that maybe her life was over and that she could still have a chance at a normal life.
......Her name was Maria....And He wouldn't even give her a second f*x&$%w chance.... -_-*
R.I.P. Maria 1999 - 2009