 Friends  | Why, hello there! I bet you're wondering "why the red suit?" It's because my ass looks its best in red spandex. Anywho! The name's Pool. Deadpool. If you're gazing upon my profile, feel free to know that yes, I am that gorgeous cancerous lump in the big red body condom. I do charge extra for touching....and no. That isn't a pringles can in my pants. Wink.   DeadpooI: Well, while everybody is worrying about Mariah Carey defrosting, I for one will NOT forget to give thanks this year. That's right, turkey day is just as important to me as the next holiday with the other jolly red suited man! Though to the question, "who wore it best?" That title goes to me. #StuffYourTurkey  DeadpooI: Ah, don't ya just love when you get blue balled in the morning! No? Just me? I love it, cause THAT'S when you crack open the egg cartons and start merc-with-a-mouth'ing things up. The eggs are for a snack afterwards. I get hungry after mercenary work  DeadpooI: I'll just reverse the polarity of the...oh fuck it! I'll be back in a jiff, sweetcakes. I'm gonna travel back in time, win a few lotteries and hit up some now-defunct clubs. HAHA, I love this blue box. Could use a splash of red though!  DeadpooI: I may be late on this, but it's better than being premature. You heard right folks, I'm bringing Wolvie with me in my next movie. Wear your white pants. Don't question it. Deadpool 3, coming Hughn...  DeadpooI: Happy Friday the 13th! In celebration of this day, you can bet that I for one will NOT be strolling alone in some campsite woods. I've seen the movies. Never mess with a momma's boy  DeadpooI: Until next time: This is your friendly neighborhood Deadpool saying "Goodnight, sleep tight....and don't let Colossus spoon you in your sleep." Sweet dreams, you gorgeous maniacs  DeadpooI: And the award to 2nd place ass goes toooo, THIS guy! Seriously, me and the Spides are close competition in the ass department  DeadpooI: Hey! Deadpool here! So, you wanna be a member of X-Force, huh? Well call this toll-free number below and you'll be on our waiting list, so we can see if you have what it takes to fight with the big leagues. 248-434-5508 Sign up now! (X-Force is not liable for lost limbs, lost fun parts or any injuries during battles.)  View all 7 posts  DeadpooI: My presence does seem to carry a sort of Thor-like aura. But nevertheless, I assure you that you have earned the right to be by the side of Mr. D-Piddy himself! DeadpooI: Whatever your stance on the situation may be, I think we can all agree on one thing. During this crazy ass pandemic, it's best that we avoid direct contact with strangers. In fact, in honor of the pandemic, I'm going to save a life....by not touching anybody but myself tonight.  DeadpooI: When in doubt, always have a friend to hug. In my case, it's Uni the unicorn. She's been there for the good, the bad.....and more. #FriendsWithBenefits  DeadpooI: Hey! This is occupied, amigo! But since you're there, mind passing me some tissue and Uni? Oh yeah. It's gonna be a while.  DeadpooI: Tell me. What's the one thing Wolverine can't resist? A cat nap? Fish? Perhaps a little rendezvous with a lady friend who also happens to have metal claws, a thing for cigars and a heavily thick beard? No, seriously. Tell me. I need Wolvie in my next movie and I'll do anything to convince him to join. I don't care if I have to spam Hugh Jackman's emails. I'll do it. Oh believe me. He will receive many demanding emails from bigpooldaddy@gmail.com #LoveYouHugh #SeriouslyBeInMyMovie |
Shit's about to get fuckin nuts.