Alan Barbour (CatcherAl) Offline

Sunny side of the street.

Hi lovely people,
'Tis me again, turning up like that bad penny. You probably were thinkin' that due to the hole you carefully created in your pocket that I would be long gone by now. Rolled off into the desert like a big ole bush of tumbleweed.
Well tough! I'm still here. (more by luck than judgement huh?)
So, why the silly title to this missive of mine, 'Sunny side of the street' ?
As you all probably know by now I've been under that cloud called depression, walking in the shadows, unable to even notice the friends that were walking on the sunny side, the glare of their love and well being, too much for tearful eyes to see. Somehow, I just about turned the corner at the end of the block and, metaphorically, stepped into life and love and the warmth of friends.
Depression is funny like that. Bear with me here, I'm trying to work all this out in my silly head.
OK. Imagine if you will a street, village, town, city or any other place where streets are.
Your street, the one you are walking, ie life, under depression means you are walking West on the South side of the street, in the shadows, buildings by your left side hiding the sunlight, yet able to shine brightly across the road to the sunny side, in this case North. You walk on and on in the shadow, events, meetings, are avoided, and if forced are met with a smile that is so patently false that you feel your skin will tear.
But, and this is a very big But, (no I don't mean a fat ass as that would be spelt butt) Saints alive, give me space from these vulgar people lol
OK back to the But bit.
Your walk, your life, your depression, in this case I of course mean mine. is still along that road / street and with all roads you finally reach the corner of the what seemed to be an endless block.
Now, and this is the Eureka moment.
Are you excited? Can't wait? So so eager?
This is it, my gold nugget found panning in the stream.
The 20ct diamond sparkling in the desert.
As you turn that final corner you step into sunlight, the sunlight of living, the sunlight of love, the sunlight of friendship.
Because upon turning that corner the sun now shines on both sides of the street. The sun in the South illuminates both East and West simultaneously.
Good huh? Fun huh? Well I thought so.
Changing the subject now, now that I have you all hooked, so to speak, (giving away my angling heritage there).
I know that a fair amount of you are believers in some sort of faith, be it Christian, Buddhism, Islam or one of the 80 plus religions that I know about, all have a 'Father' figure ie God at their head.
It is a well known belief or understanding that this God, will never load you with more than you can bear, He or his angels, will always give you that little shining ray of hope that leads us back into 'His' glory. He returns the gift of love and understanding, ready to meet a new challenge.
So it is with me. I was just about repaired and starting my journey once more when some awful news arrived by telephone.
My close friends Paula and Daniel live only around 10 miles away.
I taught Paula to dance and had known her for maybe a couple of years before she met Daniel. She was then aged 50 or thereabouts, Daniel was 26. Yeh I know what you are thinking, I did the same. Remarkably they fell in love and eventually married. I remember that day only too well as I was supposed to be chief usher and general helper after the service but somehow managed to have my 9th heart attack on that very morning and was carted off to hospital. I fought tool and nail against the doctors and nurses, demanding that they patched me up in time for me to get to the Church, all to no avail.
Of course, they managed without me and had a wonderful day.
Fast forward to January of this year and Paula had a big scare.
She was diagnosed with cancer and was taken into hospital for surgery and chemo. Two surgeries later and several chemo sessions later they came to visit on Sunday 3rd November, and although Paula was bald we enjoyed coffee and cake and chatted for a couple of hours.Me making fun of her.most of the time. She looked well and said she felt well. On Monday the 4th she had a final consult booked. They rang me later that day and were overjoyed that their doctor had given Paula the all clear. Cancer all gone, no sign of secondaries, a clean bill of health.
Well you can imagine I'm sure of the gladness we all felt.
The result also gave me that extra little boost that lifted me another notch on my recovery.
Daniel took her to Rome for five days, spent exploring and taking photographs. Many many pictures as you can imagine.
I know because the following Sunday 17th they visited and plugged their camera into my TV and I was taken on a tour of the many many stones and tombs and ruins of Rome. Who woulda thunk there were so many lol.
As long as they were happy then that's all that counts huh?
On Wednesday the 20th Paula woke with terrible tummy pain. Unable to talk to the Macmillan nurses or her consultant Daniel took her to the accident and emergency dept of our local hospital in Hastings.
An Indian doctor on call there sent her for scans and after looking at them decided that it was nothing worse than constipation. Luckily or unluckily her consultant was passing by and asked to look at the scans.
Yep, you guessed it. The cancer was back, back with a vengeance.
The whole of her tummy was covered in growth, he sadly informed them both that Paula had just maybe two or three months and there was no chance of surgery or anything other than palliative care.
They came home and rang me with the awful news.
Me being car less can't even get to their home unless by taxi.
Then just two days ago, the day Daniel was going to drive Paula over to see me, he rang to say that Paula had been taken in to our local hospice.
I will get over to see her, my heart is heavy, my very soul is weighed down with grief. Just as I had turned that corner in my own life, stepped back into sunshine then thunderclouds blocked the sun again.
I know my little miseries are nothing compared to theirs.
One thing I do know is that I will be supported enough to visit Paula, share some happiness, smile and remember the dancing and the little happenstances that made us close friends. Daniel will need me and I know that I am ready for that outpouring of love and support that I'm sure they both need.
Send your prayers to Paula and Daniel and reserve a little prayer for me as I try to help wherever I can.
Love to you all, as always...................Alan xoxox