Spreading smiles and a little happiness is my forte'. If you need a buddy, well here I am. Have Skype and also can phone anywhere in the world free on my land line.
I write short stories and poetry and will always help out if you need a special poem.Feel free to check out my blogs. I also make necklaces from Semi precious Gemstones and beads. I love my garden and you are welcome to take a walk around my pictures any time and share.
I also love to cook and entertain so any recipes you want to share would be greatly appreciated.
CatcherAl: A man goes to the doctor with a swollen foot. After a careful examination, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to choke a horse.
"I'll be right back with some water," the doctor tells him.
The doctor has been gone a while and the man loses patience. He hobbles out to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat. He hobbles back into the examining room.
Just then the doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water, "Okay, after the tablet dissolves, soak that foot for about 20 minutes."
CatcherAl: I went skydiving today for the first time.
This guy strapped himself to me, we jumped out of the plane.
As we plummeted he said, "So how long have you been an instructor
CatcherAl: I sat in my hair stylist's chair and said, “Make me look sexy!”
She then left me sitting there whilst she left, then came back with a couple of bottles, then got drunk before picking up her scissors. .
CatcherAl: I built a model of Mount Everest.
A friend asked, “Is it to scale?”
I replied, “No... it’s to look at.”
CatcherAl: I had forgotten just how much of a pain it was flying in, out and around the USA, until this little girl reminded me
.Hope u have a sweet day just as sweet as you areu
CatcherAl: The water is wide.
As you listen to this unusual combination think on, yes think on the vastness of the Atlantic Ocean keeping us apart. Yet if I can share my flowers, my woodturning, my silly jokes and then beautiful music like this, that vast sea, is but the size of a raindrop, simply because our hearts and minds are joined in perfect harmony.
Let each and every note be a smile and a kiss on your lives. With my love........Alan.
CatcherAl: Artist Pablo Picasso surprised a burglar at work in his new chateau. The intruder got away, but Picasso told the police he could do a rough sketch of the suspect.
On the basis of his drawing, the police arrested a mother superior, the minister of finance, a washing machine, and the Eiffel tower.
CatcherAl: A hefty looking golf club walked into a bar and asked for a beer with a whisky chaser.
I'm sorry the barman said.
What! You're sorry, what do you mean you're sorry?
I'm sorry sir but I can't serve you.
Why the hell not said the golf club..
Well sir, the barman explained,
I happen to know you're going to be driving later.
CatcherAl: The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why women like Chinese food so much.
The study revealed that this is due to the fact that 'Won Ton' spelled backward is 'Not Now'.
CatcherAl: Mr. Jacobson decided to take a week off from the pressures of the office and went skiing. Alas, no sooner did he reach the slopes than he heard an ominous rumbling. Moments later a sheet of snow came crashing toward him.
Fortunately, Mr. Jacobson was able to jump into a cave just before the avalanche hit. Just as fortunately, he had matches with him and was able to light a fire.
Hours later, when everyone but Mr. Jacobson had returned, a rescue team was sent to search for him.
After several hours they saw smoke curling from the cave and went to investigate.
Poking his head into the entrance, one of the rescuers yelled, "Mr. Jacobson, are you there? It's the Red Cross."
Bristling, the harried executive called back, "Get lost. I already gave at the office!"
CatcherAl: After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news, "Honey, we've finally saved enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979!"
"You mean a brand-new Cadillac?" she asked eagerly.
"No," said the husband, "a 1979 Cadillac!"
..._____________________▌▌ ......... ✶•´ ☆´,•*´¨★
Have a Super*Duper*Awesome*St.Patty*Dayu
CatcherAl: To be sure I did I did indeed and tank ye very much indeed. I would be after giving ye a kiss but last week I was after givin' da auld Blarney stone a wee kiss and me bein' da idjit dat I am forgot it was da middle 'o winter and me poor mouth stuck there for over an hour until some kind passin; stranger came wit a flask of warm tea and unstuck me, but me poor lips are poorly sore to be sure.. xoxox
CatcherAl: Five-year-old Becky answered the door when the census taker came by. She told the census taker that her daddy was a doctor and wasn't home because he was performing an appendectomy.
"My," said the census taker, "that sure is a big word for such a little girl. Do you know what it means?"
"Sure! Fifteen hundred bucks, and that doesn't even include the anesthesiologist!"
CatcherAl: Missing Husband.
A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair, and has a smile that makes everybody love him.
The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her. He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face."
The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report.
She replies, "Just because I reported him missing doesn't mean I want him back!"
CatcherAl: Dave took Mary out for a romantic dinner where the conversation turned to the subject of marriage. Dave had been saving for an engagement ring, but he was in graduate school and in dire need of a new computer.
Mary was understanding, telling Dave they had the rest of their lives to get engaged, so he should use his savings to buy a new computer instead.
During dessert, Dave suddenly reached into his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring. Mary was stunned, but after she collected herself, she looked up and prompted, "Well, don't you have something to ask me?"
Dave then got down on bended knee.
"Honey," he said, "will you buy me a new computer?"