Awesome Emily Offline

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Awesome Emily
Awesome Emily: Can anyone find me a word
5 days ago Report Link
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Awesome Emily
Awesome Emily in reply to marie1919: Lol
5 days ago Report
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MysteryMan4
MysteryMan4: KNAVE
1 day ago Report
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julesr
julesr: still looking.... sure it will come eventually......
1 day ago Report
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Awesome Emily
Awesome Emily changed her profile picture: 11 days ago Report
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Donna1985
Donna1985 in reply to julesr: Bit like a stalker πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
7 days ago Report
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MysteryMan4
MysteryMan4: Gorgeous
1 day ago Report
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julesr
julesr: no mystery man ,,,, Gorgeous, and she knows it,,, go girl!
1 day ago Report
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Awesome Emily Created a new chat room:
Emilys Chat uk 11 days ago Report
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Awesome Emily got the Crazy badge from Teresa29 13 days ago Report
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Awesome Emily got the Trustworthy badge from Teresa29 14 days ago Report
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Awesome Emily got the Secret Admirer badge 15 days ago Report
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Awesome Emily got the You're Awesome badge from Teresa29 15 days ago Report
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Awesome Emily
19 days ago Report Link
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julesr
julesr: oh Emily,,, so sad a story, but I cannot lie, i did smile at last line,,,, sometimes hard to know exactly what to say about something .....
19 days ago Report
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Donna1985
Donna1985: πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ good grief lol πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
18 days ago Report
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Awesome Emily
Awesome Emily: Divorce case in court:
Judge says to kid "Do you want to stay with your daddy?"
Kid "No he beats me"
Judge "Do you want to stay with your mummy?"
Kid "No she beats me"
Judge "Well then who do you want to live with?"
Kid "The Arsenal team! They don't beat anyone!".
18 days ago Report Link
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Donna1985
Donna1985: πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
18 days ago Report
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Awesome Emily
23 days ago Report Link
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julesr
julesr: hahahahahahaha!!!!!!
23 days ago Report
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Donna1985
Donna1985: πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
23 days ago Report
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Awesome Emily got the You're Awesome badge from itryhard 25 days ago Report
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Awesome Emily got the Box of Chocolates badge from itryhard 25 days ago Report
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Awesome Emily
Awesome Emily: BREAKING NEWS: Yesterday, a 45-year-old man was going to bed heard thieves in his garage. So he called the police. Unfortunately, the officer on the phone told him they don't have any police officers free at the moment. The guy hung up and then called again in a moment and tells the officer:
- it’s about these thieves in my garage. Don't bother coming anymore Ive shot them.
After literally 2 minutes, 4 police cars, Armed response, counter terrorists, ambulances,..... Thieves were obviously caught.
Police officers had a chat with the gentleman

Officer says - β€œ You said you shot them! β€œ
Gentlemen - β€œ And you said you don't have a free police car β€œ .. 🀣🀣🀣.
25 days ago Report Link
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Awesome Emily
Awesome Emily: A woman goes into a pet shop looking for a parrot. The assistant shows her a beautiful African Grey parrot.
"What about this one, Madam? A beautiful bird, and it's an absolute steal at only £20."
"Why is it so cheap?" the woman asks.
"Well", replies the assistant, "It used to live in a brothel and as a result its language is a touch fruity".
"Oh, I don't mind that", said the woman, making her mind up,
"I'm broad minded and it'll be a laugh having a profane parrot". So saying she buys the parrot and takes him home.
Once safely in his new home, the parrot looks around and squawks at the woman. "Fuck me, a new brothel and a new madam".
"I'm not a madam and this is not a brothel," scolds the woman trying not to laugh.
A little later the woman's two teenage daughters arrive home.
"Un fucking-believable. A new brothel, a new madam, and now two new prostitutes," says the parrot when he sees the daughters.
"Mum, tell your parrot to shut up, we're not prostitutes" complain the girls but they all see the funny side and have a laugh at their new pet.
A short while later, the woman's husband, Dave, comes home.
"In-fucking-credible, a new brothel, a new madam, new prostitutes, but the same old clients.... How ya doin', Dave?"
26 days ago Report Link
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Greatful4
Greatful4: 🀣
26 days ago Report
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Donna1985
Donna1985: πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
26 days ago Report
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Awesome Emily
Awesome Emily: All through school I tried to work out what made my teacher tick ??

Turns out it was correct answers .........
26 days ago Report Link
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Awesome Emily
Awesome Emily: Everybody thinks I'm crazy because I hear voices in my head ...

but without that little voice in your head,
.
you wouldn't be able to read this.......
26 days ago Report Link
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Awesome Emily
Awesome Emily: The Polite Way to Pee πŸ’¦
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" ☺
Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.' 😠
The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite'
What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.' 😢
'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. 😏
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners? 😠
Johnny said: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.' 😳😳
The teacher fainted...πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚.
28 days ago Report Link
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Donna1985
Donna1985: πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
27 days ago Report
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kimberley_hughes26
kimberley_hughes26: I wondered where that was going lol ..... love it
27 days ago Report
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Awesome Emily
Awesome Emily: I asked my Doctor, "How do you determine whether an old person should be put in an old age home?"

"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger"

"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want
a bed near the window?".
29 days ago Report Link
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Donna1985
Donna1985: πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
29 days ago Report
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julesr
julesr: omg!,, i had to read that 3 times before I got the punchline,,,, better book me a place in home now,,
29 days ago Report
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Awesome Emily
Awesome Emily: A Leaflet came through the door today it said: "If you are an Alcoholic, call this number"

So I did and it was the Off Licence!!!!.
29 days ago Report Link
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julesr
julesr: hahahahahahaha,, keep en coming,,,,,,
29 days ago Report
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Donna1985
Donna1985: πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
29 days ago Report
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Awesome Emily
Awesome Emily: Friends and chat friends are 100% NOT the same thing
1 month ago Report Link
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Anna1belle
Anna1belle: Nothing is 100% the same as something similar lol
1 month ago Report
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Awesome Emily
Awesome Emily in reply to Anna1belle: No just chat friends are piss takers
1 month ago Report
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Awesome Emily
Awesome Emily: Linesman at stags today
1 month ago Report Link
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julesr
julesr: so made me laugh this,,,,
Certainly the Stags performed better than my "Tractor Boys".. looking like a long hard season ahead for us,,,,, we may well end up playing Stags next season, unless they pass us on their way up!,,lol Jx
1 month ago Report
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Awesome Emily
Awesome Emily: We won but it was tough.............worst officials iv seen
1 month ago Report
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julesr
julesr: You are worried about worse officials Emily???? Lucky you! I am worried about worst Ipswich Team I have seen,,,, Bobby Robson must be turning in his grave!
1 month ago Report
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Awesome Emily got the Dirty Mind badge from LisaEireann 1 month ago Report
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Awesome Emily
Awesome Emily: I get it from you lol
1 month ago Report
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Awesome Emily
1 month ago Report Link
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Awesome Emily
1 month ago Report Link
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Donna1985
Donna1985: lol that was some finish
1 month ago Report
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Awesome Emily
Awesome Emily: Don't take the gloss off it
1 month ago Report
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Awesome Emily
1 month ago Report Link
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ContemporaryKathryn
ContemporaryKathryn: lol (dumb but lol)
1 month ago Report
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Awesome Emily
Awesome Emily in reply to ContemporaryKathryn: Lol
1 month ago Report
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Donna1985
Donna1985: hehehe
1 month ago Report
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