 Friends         |  amandadowns8786: 2 months ago • Report • Link
     0 amandadowns8786: Pttttffffffftttt! Not sure if I can say but damn imm@ bout to break down. Imma unpopular monster ... amandadowns8786: An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags, and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice, "I have a gun and I know how to use it! Get out of the car, you scum bags!" The four men didn't wait for a second invitation, but got out and ran like mad, whereupon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and get into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried and then it dawned on her why. A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station. The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two with laughter. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale males were reporting a car jacking by a mad elderly woman described as white, less than 5' tall, glasses, and curly white hair carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed!!  amandadowns8786: A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies 'I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.' She answers, 'My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.' 'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.' She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that #1- you have to be single and #2- you must be Catholic.' The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!' 'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.' The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a man blush. When they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. 'My dear child,' says the nun, 'why are you crying?' 'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm not a catholic.' The nun says, 'That's OK..... My name is Gary and I'm going to a Halloween party.' amandadowns8786: WORD OF THE DAY: Hurkle-Durkle: a 200 year old Scottish term meaning to lounge in bed long after its time to get up. Happiness is HURKLE-DURKLING! amandadowns8786: Trying to get over the cold/flu crap getting my hair done today.... hope it helps me feel better!!!! amandadowns8786: Lordy LORDY! watching these temps drop toady!!! BURRRR!!! its kiss my ass degrees outside!!!
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