Abrazaderas Offline

THE LAW; or, AN EXERCISE IN LUNACY, pt 2

a brief de-script-ion* (theres another target, be back for you later) of "magus" is, the second highest order of attainment, meaning, achieving the power of GOD to the highest degree possible, except for ipsissimus, which we might as well not talk about because, there IS no description of that level of awareness - i'll give you a hint, its always been said that any beggar could be a GOD in disguise... hmmm. damn, the woman i've been madly in love with for over two years now, always carries a stack of 5 dollar bills for homeless people... not getting into that right now. so, a magus is pretty much the definition of universal 'success', for occultists of a certain breed. which is not important. if you are a magus, you have complete power over yourself, your mind, and the material world insofar as the laws of nature allow, because, the universe just makes ALL of us its b1tch... because there is always a bigger fish in the pond and you can't argue a tsunami, much less a black hole or pulsar or supernova. anyways.

a magus is expected to 'declare his law to the world'. this is something that i may not explain fully here because, jesus mother fucking CHRIST, i've been writing for i don't know how long. ask any great artist, and you'll see they lose track of time when 'in the zone'. declaring the law to the world. that is what i am doing. i am writing down, and i will capitalize even though i sense it may appear obnoxious, for emphasis, since this piece of shit wireclub doesn't have the italics and underlines and stuff which would allow me to do more with the art - EVERY detail matters to a master artist! every thing is 100% intentional, the technique of execution to perfection is the ONLY chariot of genius! what i am going to capitalize is this: i am writing down, EXACTLY WHAT I THINK AND WHAT I KNOW AND WHAT I BELIEVE AND dare i say it? it would be a big step for me, a change - you can always change back, no belief is more liberated then another, its the possibility of change that is important, -peter J carroll... what i dare say is FAITH. faith as the faculty of... let me think... hmm, i may here stumble. its new to me. i had a spiritual experience at a party tonight, the first real party i ever went to, and enjoyed, and the first time i ever actually danced in public - i'll PROBABLY tell you what happened at the end. even NOW, when i sat down to write out a few short sentences i thought were crucial that i tell you all, and... holy shlt, i don't even know what i'm going to write next WORD by WORD, now that is some zen sh1t. focus... on a moving target... the thoughts that i know have value... that is the real target here, the real target is always more of GOD in you, and that's what i'm doing, trust me, this is all love, love is selfish, yes, i am telling you that fair is foul and foul is fair... in our heads. in the real world, the same rules of logic and material competition always apply. as above - so below... meaning, your inner world, reflects your outer world. and your outer world, reflects your inner world. we're all dealt a hand of cards, in this game of poker, but its not the hand you're dealt, its how you play them... i think now, kinda... because nature, which deals us the cards, is cruel. he gives a pair of aces to some people, and to other people a pair of 2's. really, you can win with either... poker is a game of willpower and being 'close' to each other. in the same way that brothers fight, in the same way that no one feels less lonely then when engaged in a brawl, in the same way our best friends are often our 'best enemies'... your ability to follow another persons thoughts, as anyone that knows how to get by in this world, and knows he knows it on an abstract, conceptual level, (as a corollary to the instinctual level), can attest to. anyone that's ever had to deal with others and express dominance onto them, knows, that you can 'see through' a person, and tell exactly what they're about to do next. i call it telepathy, because, its like, you're not that person (tele, greek word that implies 'at a distance', but, you have 'pathy' meaning, a sensation. knowledge is power, knowledge is a sensation, because power is a sensation, my study of music has shown me that when you acquire the power to do a new thing with an instrument, it comes to you as a new sensation you have never felt before. and the more used you get to that sensation, of moving your hands in a certain way on the fretboard, or writing a harmony according to higher standard (a mental sensation). power, is what everyone craves, insofar as GOD is power, (and everything else that is possible to be desired). backtracking a little to squeeze a little more gold out of this vein - god, am i greedy. telepathy. poker. being alone, or, togetherness. seems like there should be a better word for 'the opposite of alone'. perhaps i will design one. poker is so fun because you have to be mentally ALL FUCKING OVER your enemies mind, you have to HAVE SEX WITH THEIR ENTIRE MANNER OF BEING, and you look for patterns in deeper in deeper ways in them to try and get an edge... the people that play poker at the highest jackpot levels are some cool dudes, no doubt about it. they have love. and love is all that matters it sounds trite, but, GOD is love. god is not love. it occurs to me that i should have been capitalizing LOVE throughout the piece, and next it occurs to me that would technically be worshiping a false GOD, since there is no room for anything to compete with GOD, by definition. it is what it is. i lost track of my thought halfway through that last sentence because i thought about something to the effect of - well - the phrase 'I AM THAT I AM' came to mind and i weighed it against, "IT IS WHAT IT IS". IT would probably have been my second choice of 'stupid word for that thing that you can not describe that is all power and ecstasy all together'. i'm gonna try and keep wringing this one... i feel like pointing out i'm just getting started really. how about a little gully now, because, since i could write more of this like a solid fukking wall ALL DAY, i could go for 24 hours if i thought it was good or smart to do so, if it was for GOD. i'm just getting started, and this will never end! ever! until i die, because i don't believe in an afterlife because my CORE VALUES, which i was born with, lead to DESIRES for what i LOVE, and my BELIEFS arise (as ALL of ours do) from that desire. i am mapping the circuit-boards of the human soul, component by component, with the greatest detail of precision i possibly can. because... i'm here to win. and this is how you do it. and i am proving myself the superior to you, you, yes you, the reader, with whom i am attempting to communicate the uncommunicable (which is the seed of all great art... you can never 'tell' someone what that 'secret' is, simply because we don't know how to. many try and go spectacularly insane, as i am sure that many of you will think i am insane, that read this, or start to read it and run out the door. i am telling you this is my litmus test for you, to see if anyone can really understand me - because i know that i'm smarter then you if you can't figure this out. i'm trying REALLY hard to make this out as plain as possible, in the end, you have to follow the bouncing ball (like in a childrens sing a long music video. see, if i didn't explain that right there, you might have thought it was gibberish if you never saw one.) the thing is though, insane people don't CARE, and thus, don't MATTER. they have no stake in the game. they are not competitors in life. their lives suck, really. by insane i mean people that live in a way that makes them miserable and which does not produce GOD (god is a SUB-STANCE. i almost made a pun with drugs here. i erased it. because i don't know who is reading this and it is my goal that EVERYONE should be able to follow this.not that i may not produce a ahem, more tidy? and less artistic version. this is definitely art. its only practical for those who can see what i am talking about quickly enough, see that i KNOW what i'm talking about, to keep reading and actually get anything out of it. i have no doubt that many of those who look at this will not understand what i mean. in a purely ABSTRACT sense, that makes me more powerful then them, but, like i said, this is ABSTRACT power which is essentially without use in the 'real' world. although, jesus used false, imaginary, un-real statements and ideas and concepts which came from his imagination to beat out all the other dozen or so 'christ figures' which are recorded to have existed, if ANY of them existed at all, which i think is probable but not certain - in the end what we have is just some idea about some guy that did some things, and that is all jesus is now, an idea... because he's certainly DEAD, if he ever lived, physically. perhaps you could consider reincarnation to be real if you lived on through remaining in peoples minds... but that reeks to me of just thinking that so you can be at peace with wasting the one life you KNOW you have.

hmm. i sense that it is time to stop. i think that was a pretty good run.

so, lets get back to the ORIGINAL thing i came here to do real quick before getting back to the song i got so far as two select two bass drum samples before being carried away by this. and i'll also add in the summary of last nights party i wrote earlier on, because, well, god damn, now EVERYTHING is relevant to the topic at hand. i am NOT going to go through and edit this at all, i think that could only mar it, as it is a improvisation, and its worth is partly in just that. so, let me state this: if you got this far, thank you, sincerely, just for being who you are. i am going to copy what i put into my notebook verbatim, just because it was my original intent, so i'll make sure to follow through.... turns out its not about the destination, as much as the journey. when i'm working on music or studying, i take notes on what i'm doing, what i can improve and should think about how to do better, any thought that comes to me as being worth writing down, i write down.

"writing a song: do what you know to do. follow through. be honest. do you like it? then it is a good idea. have faith."

"you might say you need to calibrate 'what you like'. or you might say that true self-confidence will always be the right move."

"choosing the right bass drum is a matter of knowing the difference between right and wrong"

"between (your internal world) and (your external world), there should be no disparity. 'as above, so below'. the material world reflects the spiritual world perfectly. if not, correct it."

"on the outside, we compete, we fight, in order to win, subjugate, and crush. but, we all do so in the service of the same love we feel on the inside. we, all of us, every human, feels the love of ____, and we do battle against each other as an offering to ____"

"WE KILL EACH OTHER OUT OF LOVE. fathom that."

"THAT is why i feel it is good to strengthen each other - because even though it may seem that it is blasphemy, working against our own interest, it is not, for a glorious battle is a finer offering to that which we love. in creating stronger opponents, we increase our own stock in the only important thing."

"as brothers fight ye. the aztecs sacrificed the winners. that was wise"

"there is a time for hatred, cruelty, subterfuge, and ruthless crushing, hindering, poisoning, killing a helpless enemy"

"but the winner in a contest of any sort will usually be whoever has the greater love"

"so i went to the christmas party. and i danced, buzzing on focalin and wine and whiskey. i DOMINATED the dance floor!i extroverted. straight face. centered. the calm little center of my world. all eyes on me. i take a sip of black velvet. the glow is gone, the revelry finished, and more importantly, the lesson learned. the theory proven. that being, i can be a rockstar. i want the limelight. told everyone i want to be rich. sat still as a king. unperturbed by the sea of motion around me. at first, i did not know what to do or say. how to please people, get their attention. but that mindset did not work. when i gave it up, doors opened.

what should be mentioned is my failure with the girl. the other guy won. it does sting. motivation. i walked up and kissed her when another girl told me to, - mistake number one. what am i? a jester? i should have taken the data and used it. but, going and doing that, i was not acting from my inner impulse. i broke the laws of magick. now the ghosts are bitching. from right there i already lost. i took second place.

every failure brings with it the opportunity for an equivalent success. shame is prides cloak. nevertheless, overall, the night was a success. i grew - granted, ADD meds and booze played a part in it. training wheels. i know if i can do it high, i can do it normally and low even - everything is difficult at first.

i witnessed in me, the person i want to be. i imagined how to do it right. and i did it. in that state, i was not questioning myself or worrying about what others thought of me.unnattached to the result i focused on the action itself.

you still have a fight on your hands.