JSimone: Hey I'm a 21 year old woman living in Belmopan. i am a incest survivor and right now i feel isolated because everyone is talking about it but not doing anything about it. Yes women's group are in our country but do we have a group that deals with molestation. I mean molestation do have a long term effect which I'm correctly going through but who in this country is a professional that deals with people like me. Many people have been molested in the past and currently are being molested but what is being done to help them? i have been molested from age 5-14 & it had affected me in my life that you guys wouldn't imagine. I have sexual issue, intimacy issues, anger issues and a lot more. I know I'm not the only one going through this. They may be some that are but don't know why because they block out the past but the effects of molestation stands example women who have been abused by their partner and still stand beside them. They is a reason for that behavior which is either the woman have been molested in her past or the way she was raised during childhood so that's what she is familiar with women stay in abusive relationship for so many reason but if they have been molested that is the main reason for their behavior. which is why i say molestations have its effects because the person becomes codependent. I didn't know something was wrong with me until i started to have a healthy relationship which I can't do properly because of my effects. Its hard to explain myself about my life writing it but what i mostly wanted to say that I was looking for a group that people talk about their molestation and the way it has affected them and the challenges they face. I want to be some where that women open up about their life because it will greatly improve my healing. Currently I'm reading the book the courage to heal if you will Google it the information is there also if u Google effects of incest all the information is there. Even if i have to create the group i will but then again I'm scared to open up my secret and other people don't open up then everyone will know about me so I'm asking if there is a place that someone can help me with my issues I am already getting help but I need more options the more the better for me. thank you for reading.
sugarshorts: I know what your going through i was molested from 3 to 7 then raped by my brother at 11 all I can say is dont stuff everything deep inside like I did cuz you will blow sooner or later. Take the relationship slow and make sure the other person understandes your issues just dont dwell on it it's not our fault it happend and it is devastating but life is good and it does get easier. add me if you want and I'll be here for you as much as i can
RayOliver: I'm a male but can still relate.
I was molested by a sibling from my earliest memory (about age 3) to the age 13. I am in my 40's now and it is just this year that my issues finally made their way out. One thing for certain...if you hold it in...it will find a leak...but you don't have control over when unless you take control and steer your ship through the fog.
I have been professional help now for months and it's still a hard struggle to cope with each day.
I am in the midst of a collapse of my world. My wife is leaving me. My closest friends are all going through their own muck right now and my family is now rocking because I opened a can that was long overdue.
To say the least: I'm a mess.
I hold it together because I know that I will get through this. I have come to learn a few coping methods and realize some things now that I wasn't so sure of not very long ago.
Before you can heal...you must have a wound.
Before you can let those things that will complete you into your heart...you must have a broken heart...otherwise it is not open to receive.
growth = change
change = discomfort
discomfort = pain
What you feel for pain is a part of growth. The experiences you have with your current upset and struggles is building a set of tools to help you through your next struggle.
You have to be able to consider that the pain and hurt you experience is a part of what will make you the person you intend to be. Without that pain and hurt the lessons are not set as strong nor received fully.
The amount of pain and hurt you feel is relative to how much you love and feel. It's not an entirely bad thing to feel the way you do. It is understandably difficult and often seems overhwleming...but keep focus on the fact...fact...that you will feel better in time...once a new norm is set and you've reprogrammed yourself to be the new you.
Hang in there...we all need each other through the tough times...and you're an integral part of the chain.
samanthareina: I have found a few friends in here that I have been able to talk to about it. I like what RayOliver wrote. I have read it a few times and each time I get something new. I am still in the hating life and everyone stage, hurting all the time, angry at everyone but who deserves it. I watch tv, I cry. Hear a song, I cry. I had no idea my body had so many tears inside it.
Keep trying, keep reaching out and you will make that connection. Yeah, you will find some flakes and pervs, but that isn't your problem. Just take care of you, and then you will start to help others without even knowing it.
Plumpcherry: And don’t listen to people who tell you ‘everyone go through it get ove yourself and stop seeking attention’.
Those are negative people.
Stop and care for yourself. There’s a lot of good advice here. Hope you over come your struggles. You are not to blame for it either.
AretoNyx: This is an older thread but all this advice still holds true.
Those human trafficked buyers to sellers , forced into marriage as a kid to adult rapists , and whom ever had sexual abuse such as molestation I hope you can get help after.
Survivors keep trying to reach out for help and help others. Do not give up.
AretoNyx: I am a survivor myself but it was a long time ago. Things still affect me some what mentally over the long run, but still surviving.
kittybobo34: From 4 to 16 by my older brother, (older by 10 years), I had intimacy issues too, and trouble having normal relationships with men... Some people turn to religion, I turned to the sciences, That was good for my career, but not much with relationships. Chatting with friends online has helped a bunch, found others that were in the same boat so to speak. Had a boyfriend that had similar issues with his mother. He turned out to be even more broken than I was... I have learned to just turn my emotional/sexual side off.
(Edited by kittybobo34)
Becky Red: Let me be dead honest here.You will never recover....that crap is in you till the day you die...Seeking help does sod all but make things worse...Talking to a idiot psychiatrist is useless..They don't give a toss about you..and don't care. Bury it deep inside you..and try not to think about it....Even being a drunk is better then those hell thoughts reappearing.No one understands or cares..I wouldn't tell no one...let it die with you....Better off that way
kittybobo34: Becky,, Not really seeking help, it is what it is. Just understanding it, That is why it helped talking to others that were in the same boat. Burying it deep as you said is what I have done. But, getting drunk is dangerous, it gets out.
Becky Red: Kittybobo34..I meant getting drunk would help more then bothering to explain the madness and pain from anyone who aint been though it. Talking about it doesn't do nothing really. Won't make it go away. You say understanding it....well...then what? Learning to be cold hearted and dead inside seems to work.Take care.
kittybobo34: Jkatz,, that is the crux if the issue, It can mess you up, cause serious issues with your emotional/ sexual relationships, you can hate that, and at the same time a part of you was seduced by it, and wants to go back.
vandike65: I never knew how important sex was, is and often plays in our life as we grow in ways of dealing with it. How it begins and grows in felling who and what we are to ourself and others; not just
males and or females with body parts; but objects of desire by which sexual pleasures can be had at most any time or age of our growth. And this is the sad truth, when we find that which was taken before we even knew what it was.
kittybobo34: There is a fairly new series called Sinner on Netflicks. It is a very good depiction of how the effects of sexual and emotional abuse can affect a person all the way into adult years.
AretoNyx: I was afraid it was going to fetish and attract those that do not understand definition or consent. Some sex addicts need help and many need help. Nothing wrong with getting that.
Not incest for me but teens forcing themselves on a little kid to be touched and such. Not good at all. Messed up socializing and being even close to people for a long time.
Some get PTSD , depression, anxiety, and other issues with abuse and molestation. Survivors have to go through much.
bego77: I feel guilty because during my rape and that of my daughter... I reached a tremendous orgasm. I'm a bad mother and woman for that?
kittybobo34: No your not a bad mother, it's biology. We get programmed early in life and there is no breaking it. The body wants what it wants.
kittybobo34: bego, I guess that depends on the hurt and the person. In my case, I can understand why things happened as they did.
robertcarlisle1975: Also early teens for me, never had anyone to talk to about it... but I soldiered on through like a brave guy (that's what we are supposed to do right?). The morons on here who like to turn this type of thing into a taboo fantasy, just make my blood boil. That is *not* what real life is like... this sh1t breaks and damages people.