Getting over the past

funchick8: When i was younger my parents treated me terribly. My dad ignored me and my mom Bitched about everything i did and didn't do, sometimes ending up physically. I moved out when i was 15 trying to forget all of the things that happened in my childhood but i cant. I am 18 and living with them again, things have cooled down a lot the odd fight will come up, and they still treat my siblings differently from me. The only thing is i can't get over the past, and some things in the present, i keep trying to but it keeps popping up in my mind, i want to get over it, i am trying to get over it, but i just cant get over it. Any advice?

Heather: I went through something totally different than you, but yes, it's hard to get over the memories and the depression. A lot of mine was stemmed from my parents passing away... When I think about the past, I get that depression 'ache' all over again, and I have to tell myself that it just simply isn't worth undoing all of the work I have done just for those memories. Some memories are worth keeping, others, just simply should be forgotten.

Start over. That is the wonderful part of living on this earth, we have the ability to start new and fresh, and become exactly who and where we want to be. Nothing is holding you back from your deepest desires, except your past, and it's very easy to let it keep you down. You just have to figure out how to be stronger than those memories. You are a beautiful person, and are worth your weight in Gold. Try to keep your head up... the depression will pass

WAYTOBIG: "Life is only 2 days,get over yesterday because yesterday has gone already" Yours truly Waytobig

Set goals for your life,like for tomorrow,5 weeks or 5 months down the road and stay focus on those goals.Stay focus.

Good luck and Stay focus on your goals.

katzenkittenz: starting over is easier said than done. i am trying to get over my past but its very hard. I trusted my dad and this is how he treats me. my mother used to be my best friend until i tried to get my dad into trouble. but now my whole family disowned me so i have no family, except for my husband. i dont know where my biological sister is but i know she is out there somewhere. and wen i find her im goin to start a new relationship with her cause i miss her alot. I want to talk to her about what happened to me.

Massive I: I qas beaten constantly as a child as well as my brother and sisters. If my mom or dad had a bad day they took it out on us.
I moved to tIreland when I was 8 and remember almost nothing of the years before I repressed them for so long. Things didnt improve much in Ireland with the family, once we were too old to beat we were kicked out of home or jst recieved verbal abuse until we left on our own.

I recently just moved back to Canada on my own, the past is still there and it aint gonna leave, itll always be there as a haunting memory. Best thing to do is try to put it behind you and live life the best you ban.

katzenkittenz: i agree with u massive,but putting it behind u isn't going to help u deal with it. I am dealing with it every day and i wish i had a normal childhood.

Massive I: True, but ive realized analysing doesnt take away any discomfort, and I wish I had a standard childhood like the people I know, but I didnt. Theres no easy way about it and its pointless trying to work out why it didnt go the way we would have liked it to. The best you can do is try and let it go, and move on, imo.

katzenkittenz: I am trying to do that by going to counseling to help me deal with my past. i wish i could go back and maybe things will turn out differently.

PerpetualDreamer: I currently live with my grandmother. I do not have a choice. Its complicated. My best advice is to move out, if possible. Forgiveness may come in time, but not while comparing every experience and every argument to the past.

If you cannot move out, find someone local to talk to. A counselor or a religious leader, if you're religious. Someone you trust and can help you work through your feelings.

krisp7: Tell me guys, is there a rock in the ocean that has not been turned in by the waves.

Life is not easy unless we live it. The reality is that life is full of struggle.
You will make the struggle easier, if you start enjoying it. If you keep crying about
it, it will never leave you alone.

When you get a deep wound, it takes ages for it to heal and the mark would always be there.
You might look at the mark once in a while and remember how you got the wound but you should
not cry everytime, infact you should find out ways so that you can improve your life to avoid
such wounds in future.

Change your point of view, the way you look at your wounds. Consider your wounds have given
you the ability to understand what life means. You should move on and be independent because
you came to this world on your own, you have to live her on your own, and you will depart on
your own. So start living a life on your own now.

Astrid8: I believe that all we experience, whether it be good or bad, makes us who we are right now. I too tried to forget my childhood untill I realised that without going through what I did I would not be as strong as I am today. Traumatic experiences can enable us to develop many inner strengths and coping skills that can prove helpful as we travel down lifes hectic highway. None of us get to live life backwards and to expect to do so is just unrealistic. I think constantly moving forward and accepting that you have no control over what others do or did is the only way to achieve inner contentment.

katzenkittenz: i did nothing wrong so i didnt deserve that kind of abuse. but now all i can do is try to live my life the best i can even though i am dealing with my past. its easier said than done .

Astrid8: I understand that you did nothing wrong. As far as I am aware I didn't imply that you had. Moving forward is rarely easy, as I know from my own experiences. We all make a personal choice with regard to where we go from this point on. Only you can decide if you are worth the effort that is required to get to where you want to be emotionally. I think you are.

stormdamage21: Living with a painful childhood is horrible and traumatizing. Being treated horribly by the very people who are supposed to love you. is totally traumatizing and such betrayal. Going back into this environment and living with them again doesn't sound like the best idea for recovering from wounds.

I don't mean this in a religious sense, but you've got to forgive them. Not forget but forgive and let go for your own mental and emotional health. It may take therapy or counselling but it would be a shame to live your life holding onto such pain.

Perhaps your parents didn't have great parents either and family history is repeating with them. I don't often recommend videos but on youtube there's a holistic therapist (search on "AskVictoria". She has lots of amazing advice in getting over childhood trauma and moving on.

Stay strong!

katzenkittenz: stormdamage i cant forgive my dad, far as im concerned my dad is dead. My mother is a different story, i will always love her, even though she hurt me too. but atleast she didnt sexually abuse me the way my dad did. i want u to tell me how i am supposed to forgive my dad for that.

MaThinker (M.T.): Katzkitten, forgiveness isnt always about getting back together with the person(s) who have hurt u and are (un)repentant. It will often not be wise to expose urself to the same or similar injuries and abuse. Forgiveness is letting go and being able to live ur own life, (hard as it might be!) and not be bound by the memories of the persons who harmed u. Know that life is ultimately just, it is a matter of time before the suffering (call it God's retribution or something else) catches up upon the perpetrator. But U owe it to urself to set urself free to live for the present and future now, a better life ahead. Remember, God (Jesus) loves U and there are still many good people in the world u will meet. Dont let ur happiness be dependent on other people - find happiness in the way u learn to feel about urself, ur real dignity (which none can really remove inwardly, tho outwardly they may have robbed u), ur new positive thoughts of life and the future. And establish a relationship with Jesus, he can heal u and get u free from ur past. Jesus gives new life to those who receive him as personal Savior. God bless U.

ancientmariner: I made a lot of mistakes when I was younger, I'm not going to blame anyone for them although there were many contributing factors.....I couldn't start putting my life together until I was around 25, and it's only been recently that I've realized that I am no longer focused on the past....

My way through it was forgiving those whom I had been wasting my time hating and, more importantly, focusing on myself. I began to push myself to accomplish as much as I could by cutting away one at a time all of the things that were holding me down, getting an education, and trying to do as much positive with my life as I could...mainly by helping others.....During most of that it was a real effort but, in the end, it started happening naturally.....Now I am in a pretty good space....

Everyone is different....from the experiences they have to the way they handle them, and there is no single method or solution for dealing with your past or the things that hold you down. However, if you can surround yourself with positive people and try to make the best of what you have, usually (not always) things will start coming around....the less time you give the negative, the more time to heal.....

My two cents....prob worth less than that with this crazy economy....

john1576: What I find odd is the attention to detail some people put into recreating the scenes of abuse they suffered in the past in their memories, I mean WTF? why bother?. I had many bad memories but instead of recreating the scenes as they were I just put Zombies from Night of the Living Dead in the place of the Trash people who should be there. Works in real life too. One Jerk Off I had to deal with was a real drag. I just imagined every time I saw the Jerk that he has a Elephant Trunk for a nose and Elephant Ears. I could hardly stop laughing every time I spoke to the shit. 'What are you laughing at'? the shit used to say every time I saw him (me seeing him with an Elephant's Trunk on his ugly face wobbling about), 'nothing I just remembered something' I would say. Hope this helps.

Dy_lon: the trick to forgetting the past of letting go, prove fact, the harder you focus on tryin to forget somethin the more you remember it because you focusin on what your tryin to forget, im takin a memory class so thats how i know that lol, but on the real just dont try to forget, just let it come or let the forgiveness come,and itll come when te times right

MaThinker (M.T.): Focus on new things, better things, Dear. REplacement therapy one might call it. Focus fully ON new, and better things, and love urself, know u are worthy no matter what those shitty people made u feel, now make urself feel that u are precious and worthy (which U are !)AND ALL THE GOOD POSITIVE THINGS AND REALITIES WILL BECOME REAL AND ALIVE FOR U ! aND SEEK jESUS' HELP AND LOVE. U WILL MAKE IT !!! Thumbs up to U, my friend !!

Iloveroses: Katz, you are only young. You have the world ahead of you. Donot let your past hold you back and destroy your future. Look forward, achieve your maximum potential and proud of it. You will never get rid of the memories. We have similar stories, except my Dad was just physically violent towards me. I literally sold my soul to the devil to get out of home. I am still paying the devil to this day. I still don't speak to my Dad to this day. He is sick now, but he has not changed. Looking back now, he might have been mentally ill at the time. I never had counselling. I don't think it will help because it will not change what happened. But then everyone has a different opinion on it. It could help you if you are open to it. Main thing is, donot destroy your future because of the past. Good luck.

adrianablue2: I learned when i was in the mental hospital that u can't change the past all u can do is go forward and stay on the path that leads u to happieness.

shallaw_k: iam not good of starting conversation with girls is there any one to help me

shallaw_k: in that time u will be happy when u found the reality of living iam sure of this

OptiMusPrime: Hello ,They say Life is a journey ,it comes with Good Suddenlies and Bad Suddenlies ,But life only becomes Overwhelming in Negativity when we dont deal with what we can ,which allows the word Serenity to live our life for us as well (excepting things we cant change)Courage :To change the things we Can ,And Wisdom to know the difference ,Life can become good if we open the wounds that bother us by Lancing out the yuckness that has so longed installed its horrible infection with no Remedy.what is the keys to revivalizing our lives of depression?, Some are already Mentioned,The question really remains?, if we who are seeking help and not attention will heed to the wise advice That has been given?...An old wise saying i once heard ?:A wise Man/woman will seek wise counsel ,But a Fool/Unwise person will diregard all wise advice,It doesnt mean that all our problems that have either been Inherited by our parents and their parents before them will pass away instantly! but as encouraging words i learnt through wise counsel back in 1993 which if you think about it? It is so true to this very day for me now in 2010 and it came with 5 simple words from a very wise person i admired and soughted wisdom:AND THIS TOO SHALL PASS....we dont have to live the same life as what our b,lvd parents who also probaly had a simarlar life like ours but had no remedy to lift them out of the hole that so entangled them for years ,because like them? we too have a freedom of choice to change History..Take One day at a time...Dear God :Grant us all the Serenity to except the things we Cannot Change,The Courage to change the things we can And the wisdom to Know the difrence.... Oi Oi Oi ,And its Never Over! , Til the Fat Lady Sings

chronology: A young Soldier was Serving in Vietnam, far from his home in America. He was in a UH1 Helicopter flying low over the Sea off the Coast of South Vietnam. He is not sure what happened, either his Huey (Helicopter) was shot, or had engine failure, but the Chopper turned over and crashed into the Sea. There was Sea spray flying everywhere and the Helicopter Engine screamed and hissed, then total silence as the young Soldier sank into the cold darkness of the water. He managed to scramble out of the Huey, then was horrified to realise his heavy equipment was dragging him down fast to his death. In the cold darkness of the water the young lad struggled out of his strapped Ammo Belts and Pack, his lungs bursting for air he began kicking for the surface. Just as he was about to black out he broke to the surface and felt the warm Sun on his face and drank in the fragrant Sea air. Not only was his life saved, it was forever changed, the warm Sun on his face, every breath he takes still seem like a priceless gift. If you ever find yourself worrying about the past, or depressed, just remember that young American Soldier and his discovery of just how priceless every moment of life is.