Tell me your faith story

orkanen: There are many reasons for becoming a theist, just like there are many reasons for becoming an atheist. I'd love to hear your story.

orkanen: My reasons for becoming a theist was partially because someone convinced me that religious people have a better life than others. My grandmother used to read me poems with religious contents, and made me say grace whenever I was there. Yet it was pleasant to go there, with condensed cherry juice, fresh fruit, raspberries and cream and an altogether bliss. I remember one poem in particular. Ironically, and unbeknownst to my grandmother, the poet in question became a rather famous outspoken atheist. There are several other circumstances for my path into Christianity, but they began in Africa.

My parents weren't happily married, something my dad wanted to do something about. He decided we move to Africa for a year or two and try sort things out. His decision was his alone, and they got divorced 6 months later. My sister and I went with him. while in Africa, he found a new wife, one who hated me. I was 6 at the time, with nowhere to run or hide. I don't remember much from my stay there, except finding a friend, 2 years later. He was a very strange boy. Living alone with his mother, who raised him to be extremely religious, I joined him at Sunday School. I must admit I didn't stay there for very long. The Chaplain didn't like my many questions. We returned back to my old country when I was 10.

I generally kept my faith to myself, except when seeking second opinions to unresolved questions. I prayed almost every night before going to bed. I loved to read, generally ploughing through every book I laid my hands on. They could be science-fiction, fantasy, documentaries, or popular science. It took me about 12 - 14 hours to read through the Bible at the age of 12.

My path out of Christianity probably began when I began paying attention to the contents of the stories in the Bible. I would sometimes go visit my then best friend and discuss a story I read, together with his father, brothers and mother. He usually reassured me out of my doubt, not by asserting, but by giving alternative explanations, or by asking key questions. I guess I was around 12 - 13 at the time. I joined them to an LDS event at the age of 15, where I experienced craziness I've never seen before. Mark 16:17 Except that they didn't speak in new tongues, they were just blabbering incoherently. Knowing a lot more about languages than my peers at the time, I could tell. I not only spoke English with any accent or dialect I wanted, I could also think in English. I understood a little Chbemba and Swahili as well, but as with everything else you don't practice, it's now forgotten.

My path out of believing in a god goes in the same lines, but took 10 years longer. I eventually saw no point in believing in a god whose perfect book wasn't so perfect after all, one who never answered me, nor anyone else for that matter, despite people's claims to the contrary. Nor did any believer I knew have better lives than others. Instead, many of them struggled with lowered self esteem and guilt given to them at an early age through their religion. Which was the last to go in me. The fear of angering my imaginary god, the fear of going to hell, issues from believing sexuality is evil, and so on.

Geoff: I was raised until I was 9 in the home of a theist.

Then, when I was nine, I stopped going to Sunday school at a high-Anglican school. My mother had her arm broken by said theist, I was removed from that environment by my mother who needed that shock to put herself into a loving environment again - one that didn't need god.

From then on, I was raised with an iron respect for the difference for right and wrong, with the view of morality that Marcus Aurelius would have been proud of.

orkanen: Was the theist in question a relative?

Geoff: Not by blood.

My mother split up with my biological father (who I have entirely different reasons for disliking) to be with this man.

I don't judge my mother for that, she was younger than I was when my son was born- and I regret getting with his mother (although my kids make it worthwhile).

lori100: It does seem the most anti -religious ones came from extremely overly religious, abusive experiences. I was raised Catholic...no bad experiences, I just out grew it as a teen. I still believed in God. I wanted to know real stuff about death , the afterlife, the mysteries of existence and began reading a lot. Mine and my uncle's ( a doctor) out of body experiences, near death experiences of relatives, my own unusual experiences have meant more to me than church or the bible.

near50ohoh: I grew up in a very conservative group of Christians. But even though my dad was a steward and chorister of the church, he also drank heavily. A lot of people in our church were cousins of my dad, mom and step mom. They knew my dad drank a lot and so did most of the people in the small village I grew up in. Also mostly cousins. A few of my uncles were pastors in the church/community. Obviously they knew my dad drank. And left us in his care, unsafe and subject to his morose, obsessive behaviours. My step mom was also obsessive and mean but sober. I was her whipping post, mostly verbal abuse. She hated me.

I started reading about different religions when I was a teenager. I took a history class in World Religions. I was hooked. In univ, I took more religion and got into cult readings and mysticism. I learned how much was common between the many religions and their people.

As a result of my reading, I went further and further from what the books taught and closer to the common faith or ideals.

I have always believed in God, but now I don't believe in the holy books or the rites. I identify as Panentheist. (You can look it up, wikipedia has a good definition.)

I had a struggle with sexuality too at first. But I figure if God created it, it must have a purpose besides having babies. More like the old fertility cults.

DawnGurl: My religious background is not from an an overly zealous lot but rather a more simple down-to-earth Christianity. Both parents were believers however and fairly active in church. At age 12 I became the church organist (the regular organist was seriously hurt in a car accident and the congregation elected me as organist) and although I was quite young and inexperienced I enjoyed playing the massive double keyboards with foot pedals below. I loved the old hymns, especially as I got older and realized many were remnants from the "American Romantic Movement." My faith was slowly shaken when, in a Bible Study class, any mention of other religions was frowned upon. I was about 15 or 16 when I began reading about Buddha, Krishna, Mohammed, et al. It dawned on me that they were ALL saying "the truth" and no one religion could ever claim exclusive rights to truth. To me this was becoming very obvious, but my minister and others insisted Jesus was the one and only "salvation." I was eventually tossed out of Bible Study class since I insisted that all these other religious founders seemed at least as genuine as Jesus.
I read about other religions and philosophies and spoke with people from other faiths, especially Jews, since I had many Jewish friends ( I grew up in and still live in New York City). I realized that the "good" one does in this world is reward enough in and of itself. You do not need to be "glorifying" any god by an act of kindness, or doing good in so-and-so's name.
By age 21 I eventually discarded the whole god concept altogether and am now a Humanist.

Corwin: I was quite literally born an Atheist. And as a child I thought that everybody must be like me.

I was raised in a Christian environment, and was forced to attend Sunday School and church, but I had a fascination at a very early age of all things scientific, and a hunger for knowledge. I was particularly fascinated with Earth's ancient past and dinosaurs, and learning about the planets and the rest of the Universe that was out there.
In the second grade we took a class trip to the local museum which had a Paleontology exhibit on display, and I saw, and laid my hands upon, a real and genuine Triceratops skull... as big as a Volkswagon... it was a profound experience as I physically connected with the distant past and another Era... and I was hooked.

And although my folks were extremely religious, they were at least kind enough to allow me to have a volume of encyclopedias, which I managed to chomp through from A to Z by the age of 11 or 12. I wanted to know EVERYTHING I could, and the encyclopedia always seemed to have the answers to any question I could possibly have.

And one thing was certain to me... the things I was being told in Sunday School did NOT jive with the sum of Human knowledge... the Bible was no encyclopedia, and it all became clear to me what religion was all about.
Fairy Tales... like Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy... I figured it was mainly about telling fibs to children to cushion the horror of the fact that we will all die one day, so a Fairy story about an afterlife seemed to make sense. But that when we were old enough to understand, we would see through the charade and figure out the harsh truth for ourselves.
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So here's the hitch..... I didn't think that ANYBODY actually "believed" in religion... I figured that everybody was like me, and would sooner or later wake up to the truth (I was about 7 when it dawned on me). I figured that the whole church thing was just a make-believe game that grown-ups played.

I continued to believe this until the age of 25, while having a few Scotches and chatting with my father around a campfire one night (my father being someone who I always perceived as an intelligent man). We got onto the topic of religion, and at some point I just started to chuckle. My dad was STILL attempting to maintain the charade.
Here's how the conversation went --

I said, "C'mon dad, it's just you and me here, and I'm all grown up now... you don't have to keep pretending."
He said, "What do you mean?"
I said, "You know... this whole Heaven thing and living forever nonsense. You don't have to pretend around me. I know that nobody REALLY believes that stuff."
He said, "Of course I do."
I said, "No, no, you're not getting me... of course you 'believe' (wink), but you don't actually 'believe-believe'."
He said, "Yes..... I do."
I began to shake my head, and said, "No... I'm not talking about 'religiously believe', I mean what you 'really' believe... in that place deep in your heart where all the unpleasant and harsh realities live... that place where we all have to come to grips with our own mortality... you know... 'the truth'."
He still maintained that he "really" believed......... and then it hit me.....

He wasn't kidding.... and I was suddenly struck with a horrifying idea... there are people who ACTUALLY believe this nonsense... in that one moment the world became a more dark and sinister place. If men could actually believe this sort of thing, who knows what horrifying things men could be capable of. If we are not all endowed with a BS detector like I was, and if grown men could truly believe in Fairy Tales, then there could be no limit to what sorts of things men could be programmed to do or believe.

At that point I shifted my studies into Human history... something I had neglected in favour of the natural sciences and the Earth's distant past. My thoughts were always far away, into the distant past or the possible future... or somewhere out among the stars and planets. So I was now seeing the present, and the recent past of Human endeavors, and not just the ones that struck my fancy like space-exploration. Like learning that Man's greatest achievement, setting foot on the Moon, was made possible through the use of tools forged with the intent of mass-genocide.

I had made many assumptions about Human nature, and the more I learned, I saw that those horrors truly did exist. Men are capable of atrocities when all can be justified by a higher-power or a deity. Religion, which had always seemed to me to merely be a favorite human past-time, or a curious custom, was now something I perceived as dangerous, and evil. And Earthly Human life becomes cheap, when Men believe we are all immortal.

I had never had faith in a deity.... and once the whole truth was learned, I found that my faith in Humanity was also on shaky ground.

lori100: God has nothing to do with church or religion.....humans created those and distorted them....

orkanen: I wish for this thread to be only about people's faith stories, and nothing else, Lori. There are more than enough bickering threads here. I also plan to enforce my right, as a thread creator, to delete posts not on topic.

near50ohoh: It's not a given that a believer believes every word of their holy book, Corvin. And maybe that will comfort you or perhaps make it worse, I don't know. And yes, history has shown that people will do evil things in the name of religion. As some do in science. Not every one who believes in God will. Nor does every believer discount science. I know many who follow science and faith.
No you can't trust fully another human being, we all have light and dark sides. The potential for good and evil. But Lori and I have both said, the books were written by people, not God.

lavendar_star: Interesting thread (there are some dumb topics on this site havent missed much since Ive been gone)

Well I interesting went to a good old church of England school which was fine, but interestingly it was when I left at 11 yrs old that I made a conscious decision not to be a Christian (my granny was one and at that time most people from a British Caribbean background were Christians, my mum had a few Rastafarian friends who told me about slavery and how it was justified by the bible well that put me right off and as did the issue of Women in Christainity. I also had great love of history and for my young mind much of it (ancient Egyptian especially) seem to put the so called truth of the bible in doubt. But actually I think it probably was when I went to Sunday school for one day at 7 yrs old was violent sick and refused to ever go back it seems I was allergic.

Being from a British Jamaican background when I was young I had no idea of any religion other than Christanity apart from Hinduism and I assume that was just for Indians. However, when I was 17 I had friend who was from the same background as me and her family were Muslim converts I still believed in possibility of a god at that time so was vaguly interested but when I turned up to the Mosque and saw that women and men prayed and did stuff separately it was a hell no for me. ( I was defo born feminist) I don’t think I ever really believed in God but just said so to fit in.

DawnGurl: Off topic here but just to say to Ork you hit on an excellent discussion topic. Congrats.

Geoff: That's not off topic, that's metaphysical.



Sorry, that was off topic.

DawnGurl: I meta Yankee baseball player once.....does that count?

Mz Demeanor: Great discussion topic. I'm always interested to hear what people believe and how and why they believe the way they do.

I grew up in a Christian home and went to Sunday school and morning church service for as far back as I can remember. I "accepted Jesus into my heart", as they called it, when I was 8. I also attended a girl's club at church once a week and began going to evening services when I was about 12 and into my late teens for the social events after the service.

There were always a few things that I questioned but I more or less bought it hook, line and sinker. I prayed a lot - giving thanks, asking for help for myself and for others. My mother suddenly passed away shortly after I turned 14 and I had a real hard time with the verse about "good things come to those who love God". I could not fathom how it could be good for a young woman to have her mother taken from her at such an important time of her life. I also had a hard time stomaching that were taught about how God knows everything we do and are going to do. I envisioned God sitting back and playing a chess game or watching us on a surveillance camera for the fun of it. Also being told that God answers prayer the way he thinks is best got me thinking "Why should I pray if He's going to let happen what he wants to happen?"

Then they started showing movies at church about the rapture. These were horror films - disturbing films that scared the shit out the kids.

I then attended a Christian high school that was run by a different denomination that what I grew up in. Both were Christian denominations but would have feuds over how each other was going to hell because they didn't have the same ideas about the rapture and how to get into heaven.

Around 17 I began helping out with a girls club and taught the lesson a few times and in one of the lessons I spoke about music and made mention about Michael Jackson being a Jehovah Witness and that shouldn't be a reason to disapprove of him or his music. I explained that he was brought up as a Jehovah Witness just like we were being brought up in our church and we have no right to say they're wrong and we're right. Well, I quickly learned that all open-minded thoughts should be kept to yourself because the youth pastor came and spoke to the girls club the next week and said the Jehovah's are bad, etc. Also at this time we had to listen to several seminars of how bad rock music is and it's all the devil's music by devil worshippers and we weren't supposed to like it.

The piece de resistance was when for a a whole summer of Sunday school we had to watch movies about different faiths and how wrong they are, how they are going to hell and how we need to save them. The arrogance of the church blew my mind. Also my eyes and mind started opening to the hierarchy of the people in the church. There were many "holier than thou" that were so two faced it was sickening. The whole organized religion just left a bad taste. I stopped going to church at 24 but it still took another 10 years to really rid myself completely of the beliefs - more particularly, to stop feeling like I was going to get struck by lightning for saying anything against the church and/or God. The guilt ingrained from such a young age takes many years to deprogram.

chayim: My story
God created everything, and human, and there was a righteous man Abraham my grandfather that seeked and looking for the truth, till God appeared to him and acknowledged him with his existence and wisdom, and further to his children, till the time of Moses that God appeared to all Jews and gave them his words and knowledge, from than till now all generations, and i was looking for the truth totally not depended on anyone only analizing and searching for the truth (not on the internet) till i noticed and realized the truth totally

chayim: And who says that belief and religion is a story, Judaism is not a story, it's the truth

Geoff: The question was about your personal experiences of faith, not an excuse to post your interpretation of "the truth".

//Edit - typo

near50ohoh: Mz D I can certainly relate to the stories of the rapture causing nightmares. It did for me too.
And I was in Sunday school, Summer Bible school, a girls' club and a youth group plus a prayer group as a teen and we had services often on Sunday evening as well as the morning one. It was the hypocrisy in our church that made me separate too.
But as I said I managed to hold on to faith. To God cuzz my issues with the church were all human failings.

Aura: My family was Easter and Christmas Catholic. I went to all the Catholic schools. There was a Sunday school thing I liked because they did a lot of arts and crafts but we never did much in the way of bible study. Most of the kids there came from old hippies (funny how religion suddenly gets more important when people have kids) and all we got preached to about was respecting all people and treating them the way we got treated, along with making artworks about some of the happier stories. That seemed all very normal to me. Never got scared once.

Then about 8, when I was going for the first holy communion I decided I really should give this religion thing a fair shot, not trying wouldn't seem fair (not going for holy communion never occurred to my 8 year old self. Are you kidding? Give up the chance to walk around in a pretty dress and have a huge party? yeah right.)

So for about a year I went to church every Sunday and tried to pray. By myself. My parents let me, they were probably amused by it. The priest was a great man, I remember him fondly. Very open and practical. Always ready to talk. He was delighted I was 'trying religion" but I think he knew it wouldn't take and he never tried to push me. I loved the bibel, still do, but I can't say I loved it more or believed it more than my bound copy of (close to) original version of Grimm fairy tales.

I never got disappointed with god either. The only thing I remember ever praying for in my own words, was good weather on days we were to be going to an amusement park. I had a idea somehow that God had a quota of rain that was to fall for any given day and I would ask him that if it had to rain that day, could he please let it rain when I was still in the car driving. It seemed a reasonable request to me and as I remember it, it did indeed rain only when I was in transit....You'd say that would help my faith...but it really didn't.

I didn't feel special, or happier, or anything in my time I did religion, so after a while, I just stopped. Not doing religion didn't make me feel any different either.


It just never took.

chayim: Because you never had the right belief and religion

Geoff: Chayi, everyone else here is being polite. This isn't about correct or incorrect. It is about our own personal experiences.

And I would ask that you be more polite.