Sick twisted and dark. (Page 8)
LoisS: You’re a woman from East Transylvania
Dating Dracula with his weird mania.
He asks you each night
To go out for a bite —
An experience certain to drain ya...
LoisS: Frankenstein wasn’t very compliant.
He was mad and annoyed and defiant.
But he happened to pass
Anger management class —
And turned into The Jolly Green Giant!...
LoisS: A mouse in her room woke Miss Doud
Who was frightened and screamed very loud
Then a happy thought hit her
To scare off the nasty critter
She sat up in bed and just meeoowed...
LoisS: There once was a
chef from Marseille ,
Well known from
Nice to bombay.
If a critic pooh poohed
The chef's splendid food,
He'd wind up the
Soup of the Day
cloudygrey33: There once was
a jolly old club
where all of the
patrons were wired
They chatted so much
they broke all their thumbs
and suddenly had to retire...
LoisS: Tell me a story, says the Witch's child
About the beast so fierce and wild
About a Ghost that shrieks and groans
About a Monster, crawly and creepy
Something soft and nice, to make me sleepy...
LoisS: There once was a cat called Smith Dith Rith
His name was passed on, he had fifth shift
Im the strongest boy alive
Was his proud battle cry
The swamp gave his midriff a stiff whiff
LoisS: I know of a fellow named Fred
Who stashes a box near his bed
His wife disappeared
And everyone feared
The smell from the box was her head.
LoisS: I once met a strange pair of twins
Who shared the same steps and same grins
In front of the other
The curious brothers
Insisted I think on my sins.
cloudygrey33: There once was turkey named Kenny
Who live on a farm in New Guinea
One minute he rested his head on a log
then he heard a slice, and felt a bit odd
next thing ya' know he was watching his bod'
flopping and spinning like a merry old top
That was the last creepy memory
before New Guinea Kenny became Dinny!
LoisS: If you do something at Christmas
That’s either risqué or rude
Then don’t be at all surprised
If it ends up on Yule Tube....
LoisS: I decided to spice up Christmas
And along with some scanties
I bought her some special toys
That cost me a fortune in batteries.
Little Bo-Peep has lost her sheep,
And can't tell where to find them;
Leave them alone, And they'll come home,
Nurse where the fck is my valium!
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell down and bumped his head,
Mama called the doctor and the doctor said,
We found no pulse, this monkey is dead.
The itsy bitsy spider crawled up the water spout.
Down came the rain, and washed the spider out.
Out came the sun, and dried up all the rain,
and the itsy bitsy spider went to do cocaine.
LoisS: It started with the wind, on a cold night, much like this. It was almost Christmas, but this Christmas was darker, less cheerful. But I still believed in Santa, in magic and miracles, and the hope that we could find joy again. But our village had given up on miracles, and on each other. They had forgotten the spirit of Christmas, the sacrifice of giving, and my family was no different. I tried to help them to believe again, but we were no longer the loving family I remembered. They too had given up. And eventually, so did I. And for the first time, I didn't wish for a miracle. I wished for them to go away. A wish I would come to regret. And that night, in the darkness of a howling blizzard... I got my wish. I knew Saint Nicholas was not coming this year. Instead, it was a much darker, more ancient spirit. The shadow of Saint Nicholas. It was... Krampus. And as he had for thousands of years, Krampus came not to reward, but to punish, not to give, but to take. He, and his helpers. I could only listen as they dragged my family into the underworld, knowing that I would be next. But Krampus did not take me that night. He left me, as a reminder of what happens when hope is lost, when belief is forgotten, and the Christmas spirit... dies.
Nasty Boy: Ode to Mods Past and Present
To the mods who gave this dying soul another life
I will continue to express myself, but first I drop the knife
Which cuts my heart, doing more harm than a crazy wife
Who licks my tip only to take my money and my life.
It seems I never learn, or maybe just don't see
What the problem is, with me being me
But rules are innate, you have been great,
Out of respect for that, I will try to be straight
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down and broke his crown,
And he died in a coma.
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey,
Along came a spider, who sat down beside her,
And said why tf you voted Kanye?
LoisS: And they'll shriek squeaks and squeals, racing 'round on their wheels.
They'll dance with jingtinglers tied onto their heels.
They'll blow their floofloovers. They'll bang their tartookas.
They'll blow their whohoopers. They'll bang their gardookas.
They'll spin their trumtookas. They'll slam their slooslunkas.
They'll beat their blumbloopas. They'll wham their whowonkas.
And they'll play noisy games like zoozittacarzay,
A roller-skate type of lacrosse and croquet!
And then they'll make ear-splitting noises galooks
On their great big electro whocarnio flooks!