How to tell if it's just pity friendship?

electronic101: Is there a way to tell if someone's friendship with you is just out of pity because you're shy and quiet most of the time? They even comment on my posts on Facebook, but the comments aren't as enthusiastic as what they to others, so I wonder if they just like me out of pity?

Is there a way to test it, in real life and/or on Facebook?

Trail_7: That is an interesting question. I am not sure how to check online, I think if it is positive feedback it is sincere none the less so it is still true love. However, if they do not want to meet up with you or seem enthusiastic in person that might be a sign. There are also different levels of love.

Aura: Keep in mind that people who actually like you, will (subconsciously) try to mirror your energy levels when interacting with you. So their lack of enthusiasm might just be a bit of restraint as to not overwhelm the shy and quiet guy.
Best way to test genuine interest, do they remember the details of the things you talk about?
Lets say you mentioned you enjoy BBQ ribs above everything else. And this person comes across a really awesome BBQ place, will they randomly message you with "hey, I just had the best BBQ, if you are ever in the neighborhood of X-street, you have to go check it out"?
Because no amount of pity will make a person remember random crap about somebody else.

Trail_7: Hm, do you perhaps mean people who actually care about you?

Aura: That too, but the mirroring behavior has been observed with people who have not known each other long enough for "care" to have formed. It's a "please like me" signal. It's most noticeable with potential romantic partners; on good fist dates you will see two people even mirroring each other's movements. But it hold true to some extend to every type of interaction regardless of the relationship type.

Trail_7: Hmm that makes sense; That the care has not formed yet, But the mirroring has.

Trail_7: i mean i was trying to take myself as an example, i seem to do that with someone on this website actually, i like them but i also care for them i thought. I mean for their feelings, at least. I don't want anything i say to hurt them. I tend to mirror their perceived energies like you said. Pretty fascinating stuff!

Trail_7: Yes i think every interaction, because i think i am affected by more than just that one person on here, in regards to how I speak at least.

Trail_7: someone remembered I don't drink coffee - does that count?

Aura: Yeah, I think it does

Trail_7: hmmm. Funny since I was beginning to think this person doesn't love me - since they see me so seldom and talk to me so seldom and don't seem to make any effort to do so more. Maybe maybe not, it's complicated maybe.

Trail_7: hi again, to be honest i am not sure "pity friendship" exists - by saying that I mean that every person I would "hang out" with as some young/ish people say did really like me and want to be in my company - and we would talk, do an activity together - such as skating. However, sometimes online like on this site I came to understand that some people did just seem to be "nice" to be out of pity or wanting to be kind (open, warm, thoughtful) but not liking me as a person. Some people would even compliment me but soon-ish after would block me when I became needy or tell me they don't really like people like me when I exhibited more emotions. But in person, people have also come and gone from my life - so whether they couldn't handle something about me, or didn't like and or need me enough to push through, or were afraid - could all be reasons. I see you posted 10 years ago - are you still around and asking this?

Trail_7: Sometimes someone would even be willing to come back 5-7 years later - back into my life - so you tell me now- is this real liking? is this pity? what is this?

Trail_7: And on top of that the way I also measure true like and true love - they tend to go together it seems, is when a person, can be imperfect - mad - angry - leaving someone and they keep taking them back in. I know (of) a few women like this and the men love them - are eternally faithful to them. Doesn't it seem the men like them? and love them?

Trail_7: And also, sometimes you could give your most precious thing about you to someone, and they just squander it - don't appreciate it, and seemingly don't appreciate you For it. Doesn't it seem like they don't like you? No matter how much you sacrifice for them-of their own asking, they never appreciate it and you. It's almost as if people just like you for your core and not for your love or sacrifices. Just for your personality. And yet personality and love are the markers for a really good relationship.

Trail_7: I have never really known the love of a man - a dad or a non relative - they would always basically just want to use me it seems or come and go. The longest and closest friend in a man was my cousin and the closer we were was closer to our younger ages. We would play together and he would even make me cry by some of his mean actions but i would be quick to let it go.