I cheated and things aren’t the same. (Page 3) LoisS: I agree, I think the guilt would eat me up. Communication is something that can change this space that does sometimes happen with couples over time. They forget how to talk to each other and no one wants to be uncomfortable or awkward for any length of time. They would rather, in a lot of cases, just stay unhappy and miserable which can lead to so many more problems.  flamingred: so true communication is so important and with some men like pulling teeth out of a lion lol LoisS: (or he just turns on you and eats you, again, leaving himself happy lolol) I dont understand why anyone would want to stay with someone knowing they are not happy in the situation. How can you stay with someone you know doesnt want to be there?  demon1: I wanted it to be just a mistake and things would work out. By letting it go on I lost everything. Everything I own was thrown away. Bank accounts drained. I still feel sorry and wish I could better understand why that I could move beyond it. LoisS: People staying in fear of losing what "they had" seems like a waste of time considering they have already lost what they had. Either talk about issues or stay miserable. If you could actually speak to the person and tell them how you feel instead of complaining to everyone else about them. That right there could be a start to fixing your situation or starting over. You have to talk about things that you want because it might change (no doubt) when you get older. flamingred: many people stay in their marriages for their childrens sake , and are not selfish about just doing what is better for them LoisS: Sometimes you have to ask a child what it is like to see their parents not happy together. No real engagement, no conversation and when there is, its short. They dont hear their parents encouraging words to each other. Kids pick up on this stuff and they remember it. Maybe that could damage how they view a relationship when they are older. Of course there is a lot more aspects to it but that is the basic first steps. Your child will appreciate you being happy. Kids catch on when you are "forcing fun". flamingred: well many people are mature enough to keep their problems private and dont let their children suffer for the mistakes they have made always too much generalization on a subject, there are responsible , thoughtful people and also ones who just do what makes themselves happy and to hell with anyone else  Swimbikerun: Lois , your spot on even relatively young children are far more perceptive and know what’s going on in the family then many adults. Keep it together for the children sometimes is worse and being exposed for the fake relationship that will linger with them for years  Sophie the Trophy: I think lots of people commenting on here are missing the point that one can be very happy with a husband and want to stay with him while at the same time craving "something extra" (for a whole variety of reasons, each one unique to the person in question). My position is that by indulging that craving I simply underline my happiness in my situation - and what hubby doesn't know won't harm him. LoisS: "amyhoff77: Yes I made a mistake. Yes I was drunk. Too drunk to realize what I was doing. Now everything is falling apart." <<----- OP I think we got it. What youre saying is "what he doesnt know wont hurt him" ....If that works for you in your relationship, groovy. Wonder if it would work for your partner too.?  deacon7771: Sophie, THANKYOU!! You are so right on about this. So far, it seems to me that I read one post after another that is just judgmental "slut shaming" written by some stupid puritan. Finally, I read your post and I see that at least one person is being real, candid and honest about things. We all make mistakes and we all have our faults, what makes us truly "good" (or at least mature and understanding) is when we acknowledge our own faults and faults of others and understand them. And when you say "what hubby doesn't know won't harm him" you are actually being kind toward your husband, don't humiliate or shame him by telling him and then forcing him to have to do something. He may very well already know or suspect somethings, but he is offering an unspoken agreement and understanding - something like "don't humiliate me and I won't humiliate you." Sophie, YOU are totally right in your thinking. LoisS: ^^lols. its funny how you feel "judged" when people are just commenting and giving their opinions about said topic. That's about you fella.  Mr and Mrs B: Yeah, don't know about all this. To me sex is not the important part in a relationship, its the trust and once trust has been broken, there is nothing left. At the end of the day we all live the consequences of our actions. My partner is much younger and I understand she has different sexual needs to I and happily accept her sexual exploration and know that she feels secure with me and doesn't have the need to cheat or lie about her desires as I am fully supportive of her. I understand that she is jealous of me so I don't sleep with others, but that's no Biggy as I've slept around way more than my share, so she has a bit of catching up to do. I mean fairs fair.... haha Anyway I guess the point I'm making is we all have to work through what's important to us and as long as were at least honest to our self, we'll be OK.  simontemok: Well Swim, younger is not necessarily demanding above expectations, slow and steady can be just as effective as rampant lol  machetenew3215: Over drinking is not an excuse you knew what you were doing, and you knew what could happen you just didn't give a shit, now that it's time to pay the piper you want someone to co-sign on your bullshit, never take advantage of someone who gave you their love and trust, its a wonderful thing get second only to giving it, sack up and stop whining, hopefully your partner will love you enough to give you a second chance, but don't expect things to ever be the same because they wont  simontemok: Life has become so much more fun since I started cheating, just be discreet and all will be OK |