Negative Thinking! Can somebody help me, please?!

Eliza95: Hi
Just a little bit about my past what i see as the reason of my problem: from 5th to 8th grade people bullied me. I lost a lot of self-confidence and self-esteem.

Since then I struggle with building up relationships. In general the interaction with people. The worst it's with boys. I actually don't have a boy as friend at all. With girls i am actually really easy and have a some really good relationships. yes, mainly i am struggling with being friend or more with a boy.
I worked a lot on me and I am pretty patient. That's why I changed a lot in the positive direction. i am very comfortable with myself now and now how to accept myself. In the past it happened that I got really depressed and had a hard time with getting myself out of it. Now I still have this depressions but i am better in getting myself out of it. For example i exercise a lot. I think I am still really struggling with accepting myself and tend to negative self talk. The last weekend i felt so good. So strong. Today is monday and I actually still felt like this as I came in to the school. ... And then, suddenly, any thought brought me back into the negative self talk and I am making myself down like i feel like my brain is telling me "you'd mess it up talking to anybody so better don't. Find yourself back first. The happiness in myself that I am usually spreading around my like crazy when i feel good." or the worst "my best friend makes so much more friends and she so much stronger with herself and gets a lot more accepted from people in school than me" I know all of that is crap. But i can't stop thinking like that. i don't want to be so negative! It messes up great chances ... like a nice conversation with a boy, which doesn't work out, is rather embarassing. i am getting in this negative thinking so easily without wanting it! Meen!

Does somebody has an advice for me how I can change this annoying part of my life?

LittleMiley: It's good that you already have realised it's not good to think bad about yourself. So you have made a good start! I don't know how tight you are with your mum and dad. Maybe you should talk to them, asking them how to get rid of negative thoughts. All I want to say is, believe in yourself. If you're good at something like riding horses for example think about that for a longer while. If you only focus on your negative side you'll never get to know the real you. Maybe that's why they had bullied you. They have to see the confident the pretty girl at school. Everyone will be dissed in no time. Hope it works, because it's easily said but hardly done.

manuel1861: hello !
I think you could start a new relationship with a boy,but slowly,through e-mails,just looking for friendship ,knowing each other in your inner side.This way ,patiently,you can find a really deep relationship with someone with common interests with you,good luck!

Eliza95: You're right Little Miley! When I look back on my life on the times where I actually believed in myself I did something great! Like I've never expected I could paint and then as we had to paint any famous person in school I kind of freaked out because I never ever painted before and felt like I'm not getting enough help from the teach but as I did fully believe in that I can paint this, that I'm gonna do an awesome job the work on it felt easier and then after it was finished they even put it in the hallway next to the master pieces, next to art work of people who painted for ever and mine was even a bit better then some of those art works. The same is it with life. I know I am struggeling with low self esteem sometimes but I know I have talents, singing, running is my passion, I'm such a kind person and developed a very positive attitude over the last year since I am in the united states as an exchange student. Especially during this exchange year I figured out if I truely believe in myself, what I am able to do, how pretty I am and what a loveable person I can be so successful in life!!! But sometimes like especially now I get to this point where I am getting in those desperate moments where I just don't know what would make the situation better and what is right to do and what not. Right now I am sticking in two situations I actually always struggled with in my life: Situtaion one: Sometimes I am forgettable or act kind of unwise. My host family always kind of makes fun about it or makes me down. Even my host mom. I have the feeling they are like pushing me to change immediately. When there was I situation when I acted kind of stupid even it just looked like it and I actually didn't they are directly telling me about it and sometimes in such a harsh way. My host mom told me I am tending to be kind of egotistical. What is not because I want to be and don't care about other people. The total opposite! I think sometimes I tend to care too much about other people and forget what I want to be happy. Like people are telling me I am wrong and I am not always suporting myself with my opinion then also if I should sometimes. Yes, and now I kind of don't really now ahow to act about this issue. I actually really like my host family and I don't want to get in a fight with them especially since I am leaving them pretty soon, but they are people that have a strong opinion and are kind of difficult to argue with. But I have the feeling that they don't see me like a person they really like because I am a really good person and I am really trying hard to be a good host daughter and - sister, I have the feeling they constantly want to tell me what I am doing is wrong or stupid and I am stupid and I just don't really know whether I should keep being the nicest person in the world because then I think I am letting them put me down, because I feel like it right now, and I don't want them to do that because people in the past did that, the people that bullied me and since then I still can't really speak up for myself. I think I am just really scarred to hurt other people and so I don't even take the risk and hurt myself ...

manuel1861, as I read what you wrote first I was like, how can I boy solve my problem with my low self esteem, I need to solve that by myself and I still kind of don't get how your suggestion will help me to get to know my inner side and to get more self convidence/esteem. I actually do have lots of really good friends. Toni, Anna, my cousin Katrin, Sarah, Dave and Lynne are like my second grand parents, another Sarah and there aer even a few more people that are not that close to me like the people I listed but I have a pretty close relationship with them which I am really thankful for! But I have never really had a friend that is a boy. I am more shy with boys and I am not the boy and girl are friends girl at all. I think I almost always see the different gender in a boy. And I actually don't like it because sometimes when I had conversations with a boy I realized we actually aren't that different and I would love to have a boy as just a friend. Especially with good looking guys I am struggeling with. I am not closed but not totally myself like I actually always am with girls. But since my exchange this is a lot easier for me and I felt I made a big development in this. But I still don't have a friend that's a boy and It's kind of bathering me. I feel like I am missing something or am behind compared to the other girls. I don't care if I haven't been in a serious relationship yet. I am not that kind of girl that makes up with every boy, I am waiting for the right one ore one that is gonna be the boy I really like. In fact I just met somebody who is a very nice boy! He is very handsome and literally the nicest boy I've ever met. He is a honest person and doesn't want to be in the center ever but he is an amaying runner and plays the guitar and has a super voice. He is this kind of guy that doesn't seem like it's that important to him what other people think of him. He just does what he loves and what his talents are and is good in it and people seem to really like this about him, including me! He is so kind to everybody. He is one of the people of my exchange organisation that will go on exchange next year so he is a year younger than me. And the most coolest thing is that he is gonna go to Germany. My home country! And he wants to meet me there! There is another girl in Oregon that is from Germany like me and she is very prety and outgoing and it's easy for her to just talk to him and I had the feeling she talks to him kind of more than I do but she told me, and we are haveing a pretty close relationship so I am positive she was honest with me, that she has the feeling that he is more interested in keeping in touch with me than with her what I couldn't believe in the first moment but we are texting and I thought not anymore but now he texted me again. He was interested in how my time in new york was, what I just visited for the first time of my life and came back today. I see he does have interest in me and I do too in him. I can't really figure out whether just as friends or as more than that and I am scarred he's gonne get bored of me because I am kind of closed/tight (but with him less than usually cause he gives me the feeling to accept me!) and offten I just don't know how to be funny, what guys like or what to talk about with them what could keep our conversation longer. And then usually boys broke up our kind of relationship or maybe I did because I was scarred they will. And that's my problem!

Wow, sorry, this was kind of a too long post!!!