How do I deal with my boyfriends extremely ungrateful adult yet juvenile like children? (Page 3)
YouHaveMail: why do you want to deal ? do you think you can fix everything and everyone?
you d be wasting your life (time)
islandgirl7700: interesting how you took one word out of context to make that person look bad.... typical of men
YouHaveMail: islandgirl that likes to judge my advise should tell what her advise it and why is her wise and
golden comments are all deleted
YouHaveMail: Some people do not get it --- they take without wanting to give anyting in return - tis is what they expect others to treat them to give them and they just have to take it from othere.
most likley by a bad brining ups by shiity parents ----
buda032587: you are wasting your time waiting for him to change or come to his senses, just think about your age, do you want to spend the rest if your life waiting for HIS kids to become adults.......too many fish in the sea
Fog Swept Glade: Some shiny nickles have their good kids killed. I don't carry around meth, I forced to.
btrickinya03: If your asking this question you already know what you should do......for you and your well being....its prolly pretty deeply ingrained and very unlikely to change, the danger is how it can change you tho.....codependency is incidious. Good luck.
iliketocount: I note that your bf seems like he is being noble in trying to see the best in his children. You can't fault him for wanting to take care of them. However, clearly, you are being caught in the cross fire. So there are questions that have to be posed:
Does your bf love you if he compromises you over the mistakes of others?
It's one thing for your bf to have his children take advantage of him: it's parenting, albeit bad parenting, but parenting.
However, where you are concerned, the children's behaviors should not be impacting you. If your bf is fine with letting it have such a direct impact on you, not only is he not valuing you, but he certainly values you less that his children; if he doesn't mitigate risk impacting you or the relationship, he doesn't understand the value.
I think you are over due for a conversation with him (obviously), but I think the thing you should state that while you understand his children are technically his and his responsibility, it becomes your business when it spills over into your life. Perhaps he gave you this ultimatum from the beginning that he is a packaged deal, but unfortunately, his confinement has been his decision on why its time for you to put your own in place, as he clearly isn't interested in doing so.
If your bf is not interested in displaying "tough love" with his children, then you can't be the victim in his decisions. It will be tough because I think from what you have stated, it appears that he is kind and compassionate. However, its appearance. Your children do not respect you and has no care. Put this in perspective: find a mean animal that likes you but distrusts others: it's the same relationship as it doesn't respect them either and causes damage.
Hope your situation improves. Consider taking your boyfriend for counseling and discuss so that a form of arbitration exists.
(Edited by iliketocount)
iliketocount: ...in which case one's relationship with a failed parent becomes a relationship of torturous prison sex.
refurbwoodart: Well I have an in between solution for you on this. Just set a maximum boundary,then just tell him if you go past this point I'm gone and make yourself stand by that. Stand your ground. Its hard for men to turn down their own kids but you can make home think about it and give him an ultimatum.