why let your child believe in the tooth fairy and santa? (Page 2)

deuce916: When my parents told me that there was no santa I lost trust in them & have never really trusted them since. Especially since they told me not to lie since I was born. & telling your kids there is a santa is a BIG lie.

Teece: Hmmmmm interesting Deuce. You just posted on the "Don't lie to your children" thread that you lie to your
children all the time and they lie to you........................

>>I lie to my kids all the time & they lie to me. I tell them big & little lies. Who cares?<<
(copied and pasted from other thread)

deuce916: Yep, that's true, ever since they didn't believe me when I told them santa is not real.

KathieCat: There is a way out not to look like a lier.

Do not say to the child that Santa Claus, Father Frost, St. Nicolas are real. By saying that they are real you force the child to believe into mystery and fantasy as long as he trust you .

I read a lot of information about ancient civilizations. Were they real? God knows. I am not sure. I rely on that source where I took information from. And it is my choice to believe into it or not.

The same thing can be applied to mysterious persons. You can say to the kid that somebody told you about them or you read about them. In this way you will make the child understand that you are in the same position as him. And you are not sure whether they are real. Then the child will have to determine himself whether to trust those sources of information.

It means that a child will have a choice and you will be not responsible for his beliefs.

I was in The Netherlands. And I saw that Christmas old traditions and customs are not any longer in existence over there. It is very sad for me. I love St. Nicolas, Father Frost, Jesus Christ as those old traditions exist thanks to them. Ukrainian St. Nicolas Day, a New Year, Christmas, Easter are grounded not on shopping but on very old traditions which involve fairy tales, interesting stories, beautiful songs, special behaviour, poems, tasteful! dishes and a lot of games.I like to watch animated cartoons and fairy tales about those persons on TV (except about Jesus Christ : too serious and sad for me :' ( ).
Does that matter whether I believe into those mysterious persons? I will always love them for giving me an opportunity to enjoy all those holidays.

Teece: Nice post Kathiecat!! You put things into perspective........

KathieCat: Thanks

†Jack☠OfHearts†™: It depends on your child and the situation. It wasn't meant to be a debate forum sorry, just an open forum and there wouldn't be a consensus simple because each child is different and a parent should know their child. My son ask questions all the time I know he's genuine about his questions and what he wants to hear is an explaination. I give him an answer and we talk about it, that is all. He's very smart and he trust me. Because I explained things to him doesn't mean I'll stop him from watching Santa shows or cartoons and point out everything he shouldn't believe in.

___paige___: my eldest believed in the easter bunny, tooth fairy and santa until she was about six. She came home from school and confronted me, telling me to basically keep it real and tell her the truth about these mystical people. i couldn't lie, and although i knew i would be robbing her of a piece of childish innocence, i saw no need to carry on the lie, since there was a general mix of kids in her peer group who either did or didn't believe. she was angry at me for lying and wanted an explanation as to why. i simply told her that when children believe in magical things, it is not only an amazing experience for them, but also gives the adults who love them a little piece of magic too.

quitelyell: i was brought up without santa an tooth fairys,it would have been a nice little bit of magic or hope to cling to,i was brought up dealing with the ugly realitys of life,dad not been able to hold job down,no money,not alot of affection,i say more like why not!!the tooth fairy,better than dealing with mentally,stuff you cant comprahend. yahhh for the fairy tales.

Teece: Aaaah, doll, that must have been tough! I like that you turned it around and give your kids the
magic you missed out on!! Good on you!!

zxy8: never lie to your kids about anything. Just tell the truth

Teece: Well zxy8......... just checked your profile............... come back and comment after you have have had
kids.............
Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't lie to my kids about the important things, but letting them believe in the innocence of magic is not exactly a lie............

___paige___: zxy8 - sometimes a white lie is for the benefit of the child, and harms nobody. i agree that the truth is something you must teach yr kids to tell, specifically through modelling, and thats why when i got caught out in the whole santa/tooth fairy charade, i came clean. but geez dude, have some spirit for the kids (when you have some) while it lasts.

†Jack☠OfHearts†™: It is his personal choice to make Paige and Teece. If you believe in teaching your kid(s) 'white lies' then that's between you and your kid(s) no one would attack you for it. It's an open thing either you teach them or you decide not to teach them...

Teece: Jack - What I was trying to say is that the perfect parent is the person with excellent child rearing theories
and no actual children...............
Its all very well to make firm decisions about how you will handle things once you do have kids - I am firmly
guilty of this myself. But experience has taught me that it is not quite as easy as that.....
Its a totally different story when they come along as we forget that they are born with their own
unique personalities that we have to work with....
As much as we try to keep on the straight and narrow with what we want to teach them, outside influences
are another huge factor.................

zxy8: Any form of lieing is wrong. Sure they may seems harmless, but lies build up.

M3lK4t: as a parent i didnt portray a belief in santa, toothfairy, or any of the other characters...but rather than take away all the magic of the world i did try to explain the legend behind the characters...
that way the kids still had fun with easter, christmas etc

JustABC: I don't read all the replies, so forgive me if I am being redundant but I cannot imagine bringing up a child to be so grounded in the truth and transparency that you would deny his/her imagination! The benefit of make-belive is not only fun but a necessary coping mechanism and its essential that it be taught to all children--Just like table manners and learning to share. The act of pretending and hoping and believing in a good outcome is essential to learning to survive in a world fraught with trauma and disappointments. Also, the fictional characters that pervade our childhood fantasies also represent the "reward" system, which is another fact of real life. "If you're not good Johnny, I'm going to write Santa and tell him to leave your presents with Susie this year."

So, off my soapbox and onto the world where I believe everyone is my friend, that there is no one that will do me harm and that someday, there will be peace on earth, honest politicians and 4 day work weeks.

†Jack☠OfHearts†™: Thank you for responding, no need to read everyone's response it is a parents personal decision, so far I read everyone's contributions and I saw there's no right or wrong way of dealing with it.

Teece: Awesome post JustABC! Well said.....

Jack - you are right..... there is no right or wrong to it, everyone has
to bring up their children according to their beliefs....
One thing I will say though - now its so close to Christmas and my youngest still believes in Santa, there is a whole lot of magic in our house - for everyone!!

miss gege: my parents brought us up to believe in Santa, but as for the others, well we just knew it was my parents. Hell I still want to believe in Santa

erin_hayte: As a new mom I'm going to tell my kids about the tooth fairy and all that, maybe it's becuase it's something I believed when I was a kid, and I don't remember it bothering me at all when I found out that they weren't real. I do remember my sister telling me santa died because a girl didn't get what she wanted for Christmas and went to the north pole and poisened him.

I guess what I'm trying to say is it's a personal choice to tell them if there is a Santa and what-not.

introspec: Western culture has embraced the joy and imagination of fantasy for, at least, the first few and precious years of a child's life........So, why not?
At age 6, for me, learning that Santa embodied the spirit of giving and love was no shock..
Maybe a bright child suspects anyway, and realization of reality is eased.....

WilliamGolding: I read on the internet sometime in the last couple of months that it's ok to lie to your children in the interests of influencing their behaviour. It suggested that you can use santa as a sort of scapegoat for your authority from October till Xmas by telling them that they'd better behave or else santa'll know and won't bring any presents(!) I'm of the opinion that this can only undermine your authority as a parent in later years. And why try and bring your child up in a fantasy world? Counter-productive.

introspec: Good thought, william. I always answered a direct question of my children truthfully. However, if asked if Santa is real, I would have told them no, but, Santa and Christmas are about the lovely fairy tale of giving and loving each other, They never asked.
On subject, if asked if an injection (shot) would hurt, I told them, 'just a little, like a pinch", and then would pinch their arm. The context was truthful, and they not only never cried, but trusted whatever I told them.