how to say no to your child without being mean?

cutie29: I have a 6yrld son who thinks I'm mean when I tell him no . what can i do to make him understand i mean well?

repaired_goods: instead of just saying no, give him a reason for it.

ie. if he asks for something to eat just before dinner "not right now, we are going to be having dinner, maybe if your a good boy and eat all your dinner, you can have a treat after"

if he wants a toy at the shops "mummy doesnt have the money today, but if your a good boy, then you might be able to have it for your birthday/christams" if its small, suggest that maybe 'depending on his behaviour' you may buy it for him at a later date.

if your saying no for safety reasons, explain to him, the consiquences of doing it. at 6 he is old enough to understand this.

skyylinegtr32: Like what has already been sai just say things like"maybe next time" or "if you behave" but flat out saying no is like the devil to my 6 year old boy so i avoid it at all costs i'd rather deal with it in private than at a public place

jlunde: Hi Ihave a 4 yr old little guy. He is the best kid my wife a I think we have but, when he misbehaves he is like satan's spawn and it's hard for us to control him! Any Advice???

Stephie4_ever: consequences? It is never too early nor too late and children are very intelligent.

khlover: Cutie, I always explained to my children that "rules" I have are to keep them safe, not to keep them from having fun. I also taught them that there are natural consequences to their choices. Remember, parents are responsible for teaching right from wrong, boundries, delayed gratifaction, etc. You will be doing your child a dis-service if you don't tell him no. Also, some of our little darlings are why? children. My oldest is this way-very analytical. She seeks to understand the reasoning behind everything. It may very well help you son to understand why you need to say no. There will be times you have to say no and he simply will not understand. I taught my children that in those situations they just needed to understand that Mom is saying no to keep you safe and for a good reason. They learned that in those times they would simply have to accept it. Reflecting back, this was good training for the future, not everone will take the time to explain. Follow your heart. You appear to be a very sensitve and intuitive Mom. Best of luck to you.

khlover: jlunde- you little darling is testing the boundries. Next to come? pit mom against Dad. Rest assured that all is well and normal. The goal is to bend the well, but not to break the spirit. Try to identify what 'triggers' these outbursts. If possible, prepare you son by giving him some advance notice. ie: he needs to pick up his toys after playing. let him know in advance, have him play with one item, put it away before taking out another. Keep the request managable for him. Clearly state what is expected. Then say nothing more. Don't debate, bargain, negotiate. Do not allow him to move onto anything else until he accomplishes what you have asked of him. Don't make a big deal of it-keep your expectation consistant and stay calm. Children at this age become scared when they feel out of control and need to see you calm and in control. After his meltdown/temper tantrum require him to pick up anything he may have messed up. Do not underestimate yourself, your son will want to eat, watch a cartoon, play, etc. And, he will not want to feel your rejection (ignoring him when he's not complying). BE CONSISTANT. You'll do just great. I'll bet he's quite intellegent.

moondelamoon: no is not a mean thing! he will adapt. boundaries are very important. life will be much easier for all when simple behaviour boundaries are kept in place.

yazmeen: hug him when you say No and explain to him why you said No

stick to your guns and dont give in

tell him whining is for babies and he is a big, smart boy, who cooperates and understands that mommy is the one who makes the decisions because she knows what is best

flykila: hey parents i think that kids having to say to parents that they are mean is thing that can be said but not tolerated in a way, i beleive that we must havin them set the rules and the punishements that makes it easier for them to accept the consequnces of the actions.
In this case if he or she misbehaves then we as parents can enforce the rules without being mean

bahcatcha: We as parents have to set rules and stick bye them, if in the process of teaching our children right from wrong we hurt their feelings oh well, it wont be the first time they get their feelings hurt. my generation was disciplined and we didn't carry guns to school unlike this undisciplined generation. Legal or Illegal if my kid needs a good attitude adjustment from me you can bet your ass he will get it. I will be damned if my kid is going to be out running the streets doing stupid things that i am going to be held legally and financially responsible for. Or talking shit to me like so many other disrespectful snotty little brats that i hear being rude to their parents. If kids are out of control it is because of parents who are too damned afraid to be parents anymore. Hell just because you support them in everyway possible what gives you the right to tell the little darling NO. Contrary to popular belief a spanking is not child abuse , not teaching your children to respect you means they wont respect authority in general and more than likely they wind up in trouble with the law sooner or later all because mommy was afraid to hurt a feeling. You can do what you want with your kids, but my kids will not walk all over me and in 20 years from now when mine is doing good and yours is still living at home or in prison then you will understand. Children learn what we as parents teach them and if you let your kids think they can do whatever they want any time they want just because you wont do anything about it, you are setting them up for a very rude awakening and you are failing them as their parent in your god given and legal responsibility to guide them in the right direction , their friends sure as hell wont do it.

flykila: i think that we parents being strict in teaching the kids right from wrong is pretty harsh in a way that we forget that they are just children. in disciplining them i mean the kids i believe that if we let kids fall, let them learn from there mistake, not learniing to let them make mistakes will leave them to fear to the fact the kids will be scared to make mistakes, what then....... i beleive that if we as parents can some how provide a way that is fair in a manner not just having punishment that shoe that we the parents are the vitors of all but teach with love that will make the children remember u and me

Nosferatu: If your child thinks that when you say no is mean then maybe you taught him incorrectly as an early age that life is all about feeling good and getting everything you want. He needs to be disciplined.

flykila: i agree whole heartedly

L_Ash: I agree that saying no with a reason does help. But be careful not to fall into the 'maybe next time' phrase because you'll find if you don't follow through he'll remember and say "but you said next time!" Depending what it is your kid is asking for there are ways around it. For example, when I used to go to the shops with my daughter she would always ask to have a ride on those shopping centre rides. Because I never usually carry cash I started offering her pretend money. She takes the pretend money and is totally satisfied with putting her fake money in the machine and having a ride. Kids have a great imagination and I find ways of using her imagination to help when I say no.