to spank or not to spank? (Page 9) KanZ: And one spank WITHOUT FORCE!!! Is totaly efficient! The guy who is in the video just want prove his force, it's totaly daft. I recomended ONE spank as a sanction ONLY.  RequiemTenebris: Haha, looks like Cuarl beat me here again. nice one bud. Still, when i saw that, (fucked up stuff) I thought of this thread.  cuarl: Yea really fucked up. And also from what I have gathered, this was a completely legal thing to do too. Note that the guy say he will spank her... KanZ: Do you decid to be daft or what? Did you learnt to read at school? Was it useless for you going to school? Between spank and maltratment there is a big margin that you can't get apparently.  Sena: To me there is a difference between... punishment and discipline. You give it as punishment (usually noted as something done in anger to rebel whatever happened) they'll take it as abuse. You give it as discipline (noted as with a stern, strong "hand" as you may) it is more constructive. Punishment causes fear, discipline teaches lessons. In my opinion RequiemTenebris: Or... how about you talk to them? Explain to them, WHY it's wrong, not, "if you do that again, i'll hit you". I mean really, this is your own kid, don't you love him/her? Wouldn't you want them to know exactly why what they're doing is wrong? Believe it or not, kids notice it when you treat them with respect, and like one of your equals intellectually. So, I want to know, what is the difference between spanking and abuse? One spank, two spanks? Is it scale based? Like from 1/10? KanZ was saying that you should spank "without force". Then doesn't that defeat the purpose of spanking a kid? Because you spanking someone without force just sounds like you're patting their ass, and that just sounds mildly pedophilic to me. Okay, here's an example; what if you catch your kid lying? What does that merit? two spanks at 3, on a scale of 1/10? What if your kid tells you, you're hurting him? Do you stop? Or continue knowing he might be lying, but if he's not, risk mental scarring? See, the line is blurred way too much. Seriously, what do you teach by spanking them? Because to a kid (I would know, i've been there) you don't teach them right and wrong, you teach them to resent, maybe loath you, and fear authority. And you're suppose to be their parent, someone they first learn to love, and look up to... and you just go and display your want, for them to turn out to be decent human, by means of an old barbaric "learning" method... disgusting. Another thing, what you teach them is contridicting. Because, to them you're teaching them it's okay to hurt-- oops, sorry, "spank" or "discipline" someone if they find what someone else is doing wrong. Basically justifying violence. Weren't we always told to keep our hands to ourselves? KanZ: Pedophilic?!?! Hey go to consult a psychiatrist, beetween without force and caress there is noting commun! Do you see how you melt anything?! RequiemTenebris: *Takes note of how she didn't answer the points I made... just reacted to a solitary word.*  shark angel: i agree requiem i see that too but my bf said he was spanked and he turned out fine so ours will be too besides he said he wont till age 8 and even then not for little things.and just a couple with his hand thats all even though i am against spanking he has a point cuz he did turn out great. cuarl: And you did not turn out great? If you _can_ raise a kid without beating then I see absolutely no valid reason to beat the poor kid. I look at any alternative way then to use violence at my own family. KanZ: Anyway with you we walk round and round. You say bullshit as pedophilic (if you imagine that it's you who are pedo). It sucks. Period.  patti1965: this is only fr the information ...not to persuade u, one way or the other. My father was a cop, and a very....VERY patient man. we wld get 'grounded' no priveledges., the 1st time, Second time, same thing...but more chores. 3rd time? we got spanked...he knew that the butt has the most fat and that it would sting but never damage. And if we got to that point? we screwed up. We learned...boundaries, consequences...and the spankings did work if we took it too far. He didnt want us to...learn too late when the consequences of our actions?? might be jail or worse... RequiemTenebris: KanZ, you're trying to skirt the issue, turing the topic away from your skill (or lack there of) to debate. The ball has been in your court. If I don't see a reply based on the questions I've asked, I would assume you have conceded and I have changed your mind. I'm eagerly awaiting your logical and hopefully thought-out response. __Kally_: spanking is ineffective as a teaching tool....it is a reaction at the moment and serves no purpose...i was spanked as a child ...plenty... and i have spanked my own children,,..although seldom...so i can speak from experience... effective parenting is based on love and discipline, clear and understood rules and consequence...it is the most important job you will ever have in your life and the most rewarding, even though at times you are doubtfull...say what you mean and mean what you say when dealing with your children...i am a big fan of the family meeting where everyone feels like they are being heard RequiemTenebris: __Kally_ seems to have her head screwed on right, and I agree with most of what she says. Spanking is a "solution" to a temporary situation, and does nothing for the long term. Talk, and have many family meetings, they're the best. If you have to punish your kid, how about trying to take something away from them? like gaming, or perhaps T.V. if they watch a lot. Somthing they like generally, take it away, or don't let them use it. Nothing excessive either, usually the punishment should merit the the "crime". As for KanZ, it's been fun, going back and fourth with you. It seems that you have no counter point as to why spanking is "good". I will assume you have conceded the debate and have no further words. I believe i've said all that needed to be said. So i think I'll be leaving the topic unless I see it prudent to come back. Au revoir. __Kally_: thanks gentlemen!!! do either of you have children? it's a bloody hard job at times..lol my children are 14 and 7...obviously haven't spanked the 14 yr old for some time now..and the 7 yr old has had a few pats on the ass cuz she tends to get out of control and it actually gets her attention...so..really..although i am not an advocate for beating children....i have used spanking and nvr nvr with much force....but i have..and i'm ok with admitting to it...have a great day  KanZ: If it's not necessary for you to spank, well congrats. But everyone has his opinion, that's it. Sena: I will note something. The rule of "not allowed to hit your children as punishment" applies to spanking. Now, I have seen a heavy outbreak of whiny, tantrum-filled, ill-mannered brats! Not kidding. See one mother, her children throws a fit, breaks stuff in the store and she says: "No Jonny... put that down please - mommy will get you icecream, ok? but you have to stop.." Now, if it were my kid I personally would have grabbed that kid by the arm, marched him out of the store and given him a few swats. Nothing cruel, or inhumane... Just something to say "HEY! You do NOT walk all over me, kid." cuarl: Yea what she said ^ . Kids are not stupid, you have to think sometimes. In that scenario the kid totally outsmarted the mom..  shoe_maker10: I have worked in kinder garden for 2 years , really I offer to deal with them more than adults ,the kids didn't learn their faults from afar which we have it inside without knowing , we mast make the education operation MUTUAL WORK only justice sexydownsouth: if you do spank its means you have lost control...and you will feel guilty for it..taking something they want away is a far better way of restoring order. | Parenting Chat Room 23 People Chatting Similar Conversations |
