Amusing and Interesting quotes (Page 5) MJ59: "I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings (humorist) "Age is something that does not matter, unless you are a cheese." —Luis Bunuel (filmmaker) MJ59: "I stay away from natural foods. At my age, I need all the preservatives I can get." —George Burns (comedian) MJ59: Kenny: [advice on getting married] “Cut out the middleman; find someone you hate and buy them a house.” — Kenny Debbie Vickers: “Oh, god. Do I look alright?” Tracy: “Rootable.” — Puberty Blues MJ59: Barry McKenzie: “Now listen mate, I need to splash the boots. You know, strain the potatoes. Water the horses. You know, go where the big knobs hang out. Shake hands with the wife’s best friend? Drain the dragon? Siphon the python? Ring the rattlesnake? You know, unbutton the mutton? Like, point Percy at the porcelain?” — The Adventures of Barry Mckenzie Auntie Edna Everage: “Did you know, Barry, that the Prime Minister and I once slept together?” Barry McKenzie: “Aw come off it Auntie, I don’t believe it.” Auntie Edna Everage: “Yes, Barry. It was at the Sydney Opera House, during the second act of War and Peace.” — Barry McKenzie Holds His Own MJ59: Legendary all rounder and decorated World War Two fighter pilot, Keith Miller, was asked about the pressure of Test cricket. He replied; “Pressure? Pressure is having a messerschmitt up your arse, not playing cricket.” MJ59: Aussie politicians: “Any boss who sacks anyone for not turning up today is a bum.” — Former Prime Minister Bob Hawke, following Australia’s victory in the 1983 America’s Cup. “No one, however smart, however well-educated, however experienced, is the suppository of all wisdom.” The word he needed was “repository”. — Tony Abbott referring to Kevin Rudd. Treasurer Joe Hockey tried to reassure us that the proposed fuel tax increase would not hurt poorer Australians: “The poorest people either don’t have cars or actually don’t drive very far in many cases.” Paul Keating refers to Andrew Peacock having another run at the Liberal leadership, “A souffle doesn’t rise twice.” MJ59: And let’s leave the final quotes to our comedians, because it’s always hard to top them. “The other day I got a big pile of money and burned it. Sorry, I mean I joined a gym.” — Celia Pacquola “I like to go to the library, get all the books on feng shui out, and put them back in the wrong section.” — Karl Chandler “Do you have any goals Carl? Nah, my backyard is too small.” — Carl Barron (Edited by MJ59) (Post deleted by Leyerann ) Leyerann: Funny. Yes think you chose some funny amusing ones. Takes a lot for me to laugh but the Feng Shi did. MJ59: Carl Barron I was asked by a waitress, with a straight face she said "Would you care for an orange juice?". I said "If it needed me". "Is it going to be alright?" MJ59: You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) ‘It’s the same sex all the time. The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery. Robin Williams Leyerann: First one is funny. Second one but i had to look up the Second Amendment and yeah it's funny. Robin Williams interesting. MJ59: "I was so poor growing up - if I wasn't a boy - I'd have had nothing to play with" "I'm so ugly - My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet" "My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was." Rodney Dangerfield LoisS: I kind of feel bad for attractive people who are now having to communicate with their words for the first time and are realizing they dont have a personality. | Off Topic Chat Room Similar Conversations |