EMOTIONAL CHEATING... (Page 2) Social_Distancing: I think that emotional cheating can be very real to some people. Online relationships happen all the time. I lost my wife to one six years ago. However, the only way that can manifest itself is through actually meeting, at least in my opinion. The mind is a wonderful thing, and it can create whatever you want it to. Just imagine the number of men on Wire that have fallen for the picture of so and so that was lifted from some site and posted as their own. They've fallen for a picture and could very well be conversing with some man.. Eeeeewwwwweee. I don't know how the ex did it..lol. As for your friend, he has a vivid imagination to go along with his great communication skills. But he also has morals. I like him ! Tell him that there was this thing years ago called pen pals. Try that  davidk14: . Pen Pals. Haven't heard those words in a long time. Imagine that, reading words which have meaning. To be held accountable to. Your word. Your honor. Your integrity.  WTF was I saying. Words having meaning? Seriously..... Was just thinking about how those words: accountability, honor, respect are integrated into my life and what they mean to me. Who about you? .  uglycow10: DAVID & STILLS:
Thank you for your input. To you, David...you mentioned honour & integrity. Those 2 virtues seem to be sadly lacking on The Wire. People on here are dishonest and lowdown because...they can be...and with no accountability. They write whatever they want and frequently misrepresent themselves...because the can. They really don't know how much emotional damage they are inflicting...neither do they care. As far as your comments , Stills...you are 100% correct in stating that we don't know to whom we are speaking once we enter this virtual world.i is a chance that we take. We simply re-act to pictures which are posted, and to words which are written. In my case, the conversation was good, clean...and the picture was a handsome one. I have tried reading between the lines to catch any slip-ups but was more convinced (than not), that he was who he claimed to be. Was I being catfished? I don't know! All that I knew was that I had to accept his declaration that he felt as though he were emotionally cheating.That...in and of itself, served to convince me that he might have been real. I did find him to be honourable, in that he was thinking that to hide from his partner when he spoke to me, smacked of dishonesty.I also appreciate the fact that he shared it with me. He could simply have left. I also agree with you that as much as the mind might wonder; as much as we salivate over that handsome profile picture...if people don't physically meet, it remains what it is....a fantasy...a cyber connection...a cyber affair. The fact of the matter is that, all of this is an escape from the daily rigours of life. People just don't understand what a slippery slope they stand on,...they decise to do online chat. PS...sorry that your ex took it a step further, and actually met her online partner. One love Peace ugly davidk14: . Ms. Uglycow10 (a name I dislike by the way)... Because there is no accountability is the reason virtues like honor and integrity are lacking....not only on wire....but in our society. It is an illness that can be as debilitation as cancer. However, I believe these virtues can be reinvigorated with leadership. Achievement is often anonymous and being a leader is not about ability....it is about responsibility. . uglycow10: I am in accord with you as to why we have no accountability in society at large. Those in charge need to lead by example...and by God, that is what's happening! We have leaders who are unscrupulous and dishonourable in every way , shape and form. They show us how to be dishonest and it and how to get away with it....and that attitude trickles down to us.. It has become quite fashionable these days, to lack integrity....an attitude which is quite dismaying to me. Nonetheless, here in cyberworld, land of illusion, we should always be prepared to be lied to; to be deceived and to be disillusioned. It's the way of the world right now. PS...I smiled when you commented about my name. It actually is a childhood nickname (courtesy of my brothers) ...ugly for short,,,and yes, i respond to it when called lol My name is actually, Betty.  akpr361: I tend not to let my emotions impeed my judgement..... I speak my mind , and tend to enjoy honest chit chat with people who have similar interests.. I am glad you found someone with a good head on there shoulders to talk with online.. Now a days , it is hard to find respectfull people online to carry on a Mature conversation with.. Take care , and all the best... uglycow10: I so agree with you, and and that is why I refer to him as, "my best best chat pal ever", I think that it spooks him that I understand him so well, and he , me. Perhaps it kinda spooks him....perhaps it has endeared me to him...and vice versa, I might add. We just laugh together and talk crap...and it is great. Would that there might be more of his ilk on here....but I shall not hold my breath... uglycow10: Someone really wonderful...chatwise, of course. He would sign on looking for me, and I did the same. It was simply a chance chitchat after a game of Wordy. I was being a smart Alec with him and he was just taking it in stride and laughing. He did say that "it was not a forever thing and that he had no intentions of staying here", but it all changed as we chatted more...and at that point I cared very much if he would have left. He eventually did leave, and as I hardened my senses to not ever hearing from him again, he came back ...and I had to chat. I could not resist. He had told me about his child & wife...we chatted about his friends and his life. Unfortunately, he has just dismantled his profile last week, after a beautiful long chat...and without warning. I just need to wash him out of my hair but it is proving to be extremely difficult. The very same thing that I always quietly mocked others about, has come right back to kick me in the teeth.....I got attached to a stranger online.. After all, how could one feel so strongly about a complete stranger....someone who might not even look like his profile pic I dare say that he might even look like Onslow from that British sitcom, "Keeping up Appearances"...and I used to tell him so...and he would just laugh. Who is this guy, you ask? Just a guy on whom I got stuck...and he on me...hence the disappearing act.on his part And now David...now you know about whom I speak...a charming stranger... ugly uglycow10: I am so glad that you actually understand. When you talk to someone on such a regular basis and share information, you almost feel as though you know them. You look forward to the sometimes, multiple daily visits...to just open that PC and seeing them waiting for you. It sounds totally silly, but just seeing his name pop up on the screen would put a smile on my face...and now it is so sorrowful that that he has once again opted to depart . I almost wish that he would stay away long enough so that upon his re-appearance, I might be at a place where I totally no longer care.,, uglycow10: Yes Wonder, it is total madness as far as I am concerned....but it happens on the regular...silly attachments against which we must guard our emotions. In the end, it is the familiarity of it all...the clandestine aspect of it...this secret rendezvous in cyberspace where all that is exchanged is random chat with someone to whom you are secretly drawn, knowing fully well that they feel the same way too....but neither one wanting to be the first to confess, because it is not supposed to happen like that. Then, as always there is the inevitability of it all crashing to pieces.... ...and the sorting out of all of the wonderful, but now...shattered memories of precious chats. Finally, the end of your schmoozing with someone who might, or might not have been real. But, c'est la vie in fantasy land...land of illusion...... PS....THANKS WONDER..... UGLY davidk14: . I met someone on line in the old MSN Chat Rooms decades ago. We connected emotionally through the typed word. Then the first phone call....and second...and third. After a few months...we met. She had not honestly represented herself. I learned a hard lesson that day...the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence. uglycow10: Thank you David for writing the above because it is something on which I do need to focus. We have both discussed the possibility of his being a "catfish" and how devastating it would be.However I have chosen to believe 99.9% of the time that he is not misrepresenting himself.. He had actually wanted to meet me and it was very possible, but one of my rules is to never meet anyone with whom I chat online...even though I was bursting with curiosity. He offered to skype...and I said no. He offered to call me...and I said no. The person he claims to be, does ads and I would have known his voice immediately, yet I opted to not chat with him. We both agreed that it would kill the magic...the mystery of it all. I think that deep down I would feel like a fool to have allowed myself to have been betrayed, were that to happen. I am smart enough to know that deception is the order of the day in this online chat business but in my case i am always wishing that it could be true and that he is not one of the liars out there. In your case I am totally surprised that someone who was misrepresenting herself to you, actually had the nerve to turn up i person to meet you...was willing to risk being discovered for the dishonest person that she was. That is mind-boggling. It says to me that there is an unabashed boldness and quasi desperation that abounds with such individuals. At any rate, thanks for sharing your experience. It has fortified in my brain, that which I already consciously know. I have a chat pal who was so totally emotionally burned by someone who misrepresented himself to her. She was broken and distressed. These brutes might or might not be aware of devastating an affect their lies can have on others, but in the end, I suppose that it is up to us to look out for our own emotional welfare. After all, we are all strangers to each other....a fact that gets lost o us, once we enter that sweet chat zone, and get comfortable with our special chat buddy. Big thanks for sharing, David. MY appreciation is ten-fold ...to someone who has been there. Peace ugly Social_Distancing: I've met two women from chat.. Both very nice. Both very independent. Both represented themselves as one man women, but honestly, both were caught up in the attention they received in chat rooms. (one was video chat, the other was wire) So you just start slowly and break away if it feels wrong. It felt wrong for me. I like the local dating scene better. davidk14: . Betty, No one lost any money or any time, or were injured in any way. It was a human learning experience. It was a learning exercise so as to embrace the idea of 'trust but verify' no matter whether it be in my personal life or business...'trust but verify'. If I speak to anyone at work, since I'm 'on the clock', anything 'I do or say' must stand up to scrutiny. Some might say that I could be considered an expert witness in what I do for a living so integrity, credibility and leadership are mandatory. I'm not going to discuss at this time what I do for a living however, I did retire 8 years ago from a 45 year career but these last 6 years have been....awesome for so many reasons. Oooops  Rambling a bit. Sorry.. uglycow10: Rambling is a damn good thing....it's good for the soul. lol By the way, it is fantastic that you can say that the past 6 years have been awesome. So many people are daily, living lives of discontent and unhappiness. I agree with you that we have to learn from our experiences, and i do try to adhere to that principle. However, the situation with my friend is one which has gotten under my skin. Eve though I can anticipate what will happen (that he well re-appear)...I will again chat with him, instead of walking in the other direction. I suppose that it will take time to grow nerves of steel and not repeat my poor decision.... davidk14: . The last six years have been awesome, yes. There have been good experiences and some very painful experiences. I've made good choices and have made some not so good choices. However, I made all the choices with the best available information and facts at the time. Yes, emotions are also definitely involved. Did I eat a little too much dark chocolate believing that it was good for me?   bananashoes: What I have discovered in my many years of chatting and texting and emailing is...some people are very very good at writing. They have a knack or a flair which can entice a person. But then, when you speak with them on the phone or actually meet them face to face, they can be tongue-tied and extremely boring. Some can actually try to blame your lack of interest in them on you when they don't even see themselves as perhaps desperate or clingy or a little eccentric. Chatting in chat rooms has me a non believer in what is said to me about a persons personal life. Cynical? Yes. And that's ok with me because gullible was not good for me. (Edited by bananashoes)  calybonos: I had something to say, but for the life of me, I can't remember what it was. I don't even remember what the topic is. All I can think about is... 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....caly you and your jokes...