ahahahahaha obnoxious jokes (Page 9) harlett daeava: .....Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter heaven. On entering they must present something relating to or associated with Christmas. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in. The third man pulls out a pair of stockings. Confused at this last gesture, St Peter asks, ‘How do these represent Christmas?' Answer: ‘They're Carol's.' harlett daeava: . Q..What do you call Santa’s helpers? A. Subordinate Clauses. ........... ....Q....What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? ... A...: It's Christmas, Eve! harlett daeava: ............  Attainable New Year's Resolutions This year, I resolve to... - Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. harlett daeava: ......  A Drunk Staggers into the Police Station A drunk man staggers into the police station at 3 in the morning and tells the officer on duty, "I'd like to have a word with that son of a _ you'll arrested who broke into our house last week." Sensing trouble, the officer informs him that this is against police policy and would not be possible. "You don't understand," says the man. "I'd just like to find out how he managed to get into the house without waking up my wife (Edited by harlett daeava) harlett daeava: .....What did one elevator say to the other? I think I'm coming down with something How can you get four suits for a dollar? Buy a deck of cards. Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball. Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils. harlett daeava:  I’d like to give a big shout out to all the sidewalks for keeping me off the streets. harlett daeava: lol A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. “No thanks, I’m traveling light.” harlett daeava: .... Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors? Because, if it had 4 doors it would be chicken sedan. harlett daeava: ...lol A Buddhist walks up to a hotdog vendor and says, “Make me one with everything.” Everyone chuckles, and the vendor makes the dog. The Buddhist hands him a twenty, the vendor pockets it & moves on to the next customer. The Buddhist complains, “Hey where’s my change.” And the Vendor replies, “Ah, change comes from within.” harlett daeava: ..  A length of rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says “get out, we don’t serve ropes in here!” The rope goes outside and cuts himself in half and ties his two sections together. Not pleased with his appearance, he takes a comb and combs out his ends. He walks back into the bar and the bartender says “hey, aren’t you that rope I just kicked out?” And the rope replied “no, I’m a frayed knot.” harlett daeava: ...........Q: Why can’t you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom? A: Because the P is silent. harlett daeava: ...........Why do seagulls live by the sea? Because if they lived by the bay they’d be bagels! harlett daeava: .......A guy walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. The guy asks, “What’s this about?” The bartender replies, “Well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyone’s drinks for the next hour. You wanna do it?” The guy replies, “Nah, the steaks are too high.” harlett daeava: ... ....Three tomatoes are walking down the street. A papa tomato, a mama tomato, and a baby tomato. The baby tomato starts falling behind so the papa tomato squishes him and says, “Ketchup.” harlett daeava: ...Grandpa John was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared. "Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled. "I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now." The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime. "Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk." harlett daeava: ........LOL..... A man and his wife were returning from a party one evening. As the couple was driving home, she asked her husband, "Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to women you are?" Totally flattered, he replied, "No, dear they haven't." At that point she yelled, "Then what the heck gave you THAT idea at the party tonight?" | Off Topic Chat Room Similar Conversations |
