ahahahahaha obnoxious jokes (Page 7)

harlett daeava: ...

Did you here about the guy who lost his whole left side?
He’s alright now!

FlashW: Four Catholic ladies were having coffee one afternoon, bragging to one another about their successful sons. The first woman tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third woman says, "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room he's called 'Your Eminence'."

Since the fourth woman just sips her coffee in silence, the first three give her this subtle, "Well...?" sort of look.

"My son is 6'2", has broad shoulders, is terribly handsome, and dresses exceptionally well. Whenever he walks into a room, women just say 'Oh my God...'."

FlashW: A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and
noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he
wore his collar backwards.

The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father.'

The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.'

The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of
many.'

The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he
doesn't wear his collar that way!'

The priest, getting impatient, said. 'I am the Father of hundreds', and
went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and
said, 'Maybe you should wear a condom and put your pants on backwards
instead of your collar.'

harlett daeava:

harlett daeava: ....best friend joke

Mark was passing by the bar on the way home from work when he sees his good friend Tom gulping down one shot after another.

Fearing the worst, Mark charged into the bar and confronted Tom.

“Tom what’s going on?” Mark asked.

“It’s my wife Beckie,” Tom replied. “She ran off with my best friend!”

“Hey wait a second! Said Mark “Aren’t I your best friend?”

“Not any more,” Tom said with a happy smile.

“He is!”

harlett daeava: ... salad dressing joke

You name it, we’ll make it!” Was the big sign outside the new restaurant on 13th Avenue. “There is no food we can’t make for you!” “Excuse me sir”, said a man with a heavy Russian accent to the waiter, “I vould like please, A Garden Salad vith Russian dressing.” “RUSSIAN DRESSING?! Screamed the head cook, “I’VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF RUSSIAN DRESSING! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO GIVE THIS GUY? “Don’t worry,” said the owner to the cook, “I’ll take care of everything, you just make the salad.” And that’s how it happened that two minutes later the waiter walked out with a big Garden Salad and a picture of a Russian man putting on his pants.

harlett daeava: ....
Why can't cats use computers?

Because they only want to chase the mouse

harlett daeava: ........ true love joke

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. ‘No,’ says the neighbor. ‘The seat is empty.’ ‘This is incredible,’ said the man. ‘Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?’ The neighbor says, ‘Well actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.’ ‘Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible….But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?’ The man shakes his head. ‘No,’ he says. ‘They’re all at the funeral.

Big Bopper: There was a young man from Nantucket
Whose *oc* was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin
If my ear were a *un* I could *uc* it!

harlett daeava:

harlett daeava: .... military joke

The sergeant-major growled at the young soldier: “I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning.”
“Thank you very much, sir.”

harlett daeava: ... another military joke

One reason the Military Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language. For example, if you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors. The Army would occupy the building so no one could enter. Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat. The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy

harlett daeava: ... .. dentist joke

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes off his trousers and washes his hands again. The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."

The guy, surprised, says "Yes! How did you figure that out?"

"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."

One thing led to another and they make love. After they are done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist."

The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, How did you figure that out?"

"Didn't feel a thing!"

I K R: LOL

harlett daeava: ... ...signs of aging gracefully

I'm very good at opening childproof caps... with a hammer.

I'm usually interested in going home... before I get to where I am going.

I'm good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin, beano, antacid, etc.

I'm the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go.

I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.

I'm smiling all the time because... I can't hear a word you're saying.

I'm very good at telling stories ... over and over and over and over.

I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as bright as mine.

harlett daeava: ...Jill had applied for a job and when she returned home, her mother asked how the interview went.

"Pretty good I think," replied Jill. "But if I go to work there, I won't get a vacation unless I'm married."

Her mother, of course, had never heard of such a thing and asked, "Is that what they told you?"

"No," replied Jill, "they didn't tell me that, but on the application it said, 'Vacation time may not be taken until you've had your First Anniversary.'"

harlett daeava: ...the king & the pawn broker

King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world.
Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.

Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it."

"But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the King!"

Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are."

harlett daeava: ahahaha ????

I ask my 85 year old grandfather at what age does someone lose interest in the opposite sex.

His answer was he did not know and suggested I ask someone older than him.

harlett daeava: ...

When you combine "Red Dawn" with "Blue Velvet," do you get "Purple Rain"?

There's a band called 1023 Megabytes... they haven't had a gig yet.

harlett daeava: .... airline jokes

I couldn’t decide whether to go to Salt Lake City or Denver for vacation, so I called the airlines to get prices. “Airfare to Denver is $300,” the cheery salesperson replied.

“And what about Salt Lake City?”

“We have a really great rate to Salt Lake—$99,” she said “but there is a stopover.”

“Where?”

“In Denver,” she said.

...............

The young and not so bright new pilot was learning to fly a helicopter. After two hours of great flying, she crashed.

When asked by crash investigator what happened, she said, "I got cold so I turned off the fan."

wayne elliott: "Turned off the fan" LOL *coffee shoots out nose*

Big Bopper: Planes are easy to fly. They're built for it. You only need to learn to land if you plan to use the plane again.

harlett daeava: ... Why did the banana go out with the prune?
Because he couldn’t find a date.

harlett daeava: ...obnoxious one liners..

You have a lot of well-wishers. They would all like to throw you down one


You always have your ear to the ground. So how's life in the gutter?


Heard your family went to a restaurant where they serve crabs just so they could bring you along

harlett daeava: ...

Why did the dishonest man grow a beard?
So that no one could call him a bare-faced liar!