ahahahahaha obnoxious jokes (Page 27) The giant midget: I am truly proud to be Canadian and when I read big achievements done by my fellow brothers and sisters in this beautiful nation of ours I become very emotional , sometimes just wanting to burst into tears of joy “Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over 1.2 million dollars . The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to provide the man with more pleasure during sex. After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the British study were incorrect. After three years of research at a cost of in excess of 3 million Dollars , the French researchers concluded that the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft to provide the woman with more pleasure during sex. When the results of the French study were released, Canada decided to conduct their own study. The Canuks didn't really trust British or French studies. So, after nearly three hours of intensive research and a cost of right around 150 dollars (three cases of beer), the Canadian study was complete. They concluded that the reason the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent your hand from flying off and hitting you in the forehead.” I am So proud 🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦 The giant midget: One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: "Drinks for all on me including you, bartender." So the bartender follows the drunks orders and says: "That will be $36.50 please." The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him around and throws him out. The next night the same drunk comes in again and orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again the bartender follows instructions and again the drunk says he has no money. So the bartender slaps him around and throws him out. On the third night he comes in, the drunk orders drinks for all except the bartender. "What, no drink for me?" Asked the bartender. "Oh, no. You get violent when you drink." The giant midget: Folks I am sorry for pestering you people with my silly childish jokes This next one did really happen today but minus the fatalities and I will explain afterwards Okay so there was these three men that worked at a construction site. Well, one day they sat down and opened their lunch. The African guy opened up his lunch and got grits. He said that if he got rice again tomorrow that he was going to jump off the building. The Mexican opened up his lunch and got a burrito. He said that if he gets a burrito again tomorrow that he was going to jump off the building also. The blonde opened up his lunch and he got chicken. He said that if he got chicken tomorrow that he was going to jump off the building too. Well, the next day the African guy opened up his lunch and he got grits again so he jumped. The Mexican opened up his and he got a burrito again so he jumped. The Blonde opened up his and he got chicken again so he jumped. At their funeral the African's wife said "If I would have known he didn't want grits I would have packed something different". The Mexican's wife said "If I would have known he didn't want a burrito I would have packed him something different". The Blonde's wife looked up and said "Don't look at me, he packs his own lunch." Here it is Earlier on today just before noon I happen to go into my construction trailer office to email some stuff and to retrieve some blueprints Adjoined to my little office is a lunchroom where. Some of the labours have lunch Young lad one of my favorite till this event  pulls out some dish from the microwave Few seconds later he said that the food was horrible and never tasted anything like it I asked him where he bought it so I wouldn't buy anything off them After a very long silent half minute with a sheeplish wounded puppy look Young guy said I cooked it myself I just burst into laughter with the rest of the guys I told him that his girlfriend had invited me over for dinner on the weekend and hopefully he wasn't cooking His reply was , sorry boss but you are a asshole and I promise never to try cooking again (Edited by The giant midget)  (Post deleted by TheCovenant ) Angry Beaver: A vampire walks into a bar, 'pint of blood landlord' he says. The barman gives him his order. A second vampire walks into the bar, 'pint of your finest blood please' he says. Again, the barman pours his order. A third vampire walks into the bar and says 'a mug of hot water please barman'. The barman looks puzzled at the vampire, and asks- 'why the f*** do you want hot water for?' The vampire answered- 'i found a used tampon and i'm making tea'. Me:- Boss i am not coming into work to day coz i am sick. Boss:- How sick are you? Me:- Well i am in bed with my sister (Edited by Angry Beaver)  Big Bopper: A man and his wife are discussing what they think their son will be when he grows up. “I have an idea,” says the father. He puts a ten-dollar bill, a bottle of whiskey, and a Bible on the coffee table. “If he takes the money, he’ll be a banker. If he takes the whiskey, he’ll be a wino, and if he takes the Bible, that means he’ll be a preacher.” So the man and his wife hide just before their son comes in the door, and watch from where they’re hiding. The boy saunters over to the coffee table. He picks up the ten-dollar bill, looks at it, then sets it down. He picks up the bottle of whiskey, uncorks it, sniffs it, then sets it down. He picks up the Bible, leafs through it, and sets it down. Then the boy takes the money and stuffs it into his pocket, grabs the whiskey, and walks off with the Bible under his arm. “Well, how do you like that!” exclaims the father. “He’s going to be a politician!”  Corwin: A priest, and rabbi, and an evangelist walk into a bar... ... and the bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke??" The giant midget: A young man walks into a bar and orders ten shots of Jagermeister. The bartender says, "Wow, that's a lot. What are you celebrating?" Young man replies, "My first blowjob!" The bartender says, "Oh, congratulations! But if you don't mind me asking, why ten shots?" The young man says, "If that won't get rid the taste , nothing will." Big Bopper: I wasn’t allowed in a fraternity in college because I was circumcised. Apparently you need to be a complete dick. The giant midget: These three spies get captured one day - a French spy, a German spy and an Italian spy. Their captors come into the cell where the spies are being held, grab the French spy, take him to the next room and tie his hands behind a chair. They then proceed to torture him for 2 hours before he finally cracks, answers all questions and gives up all of his secrets. The captors then throw the French spy back into the cell and grab the German spy. They tie his hands behind the chair in the next room too and torture him for 4 hours before he finally cracks and tells them what they want to know. They throw him back into the cell and grab the Italian spy. Once again, they tie his hands behind the chair and begin torturing. 4 hours go by and the spy isn't talking. Then 8 hours, then 16 and after 24 hours they give up and throw him back into the cell. The German and French spy are impressed and ask him how he managed to not talk. The Italian spy says, " I wanted to, but I couldn't move my hands!" Lilith___: When someone said, "Most people laugh at you," Diogenes replied, "And so very likely do the asses at them; but as they don't care for the asses, so neither do I care for them." The flying Squirrel: Ive Got the Joke of the Century , The Politics Room Is headed Government Cival Rights , And Freedom , And Its all About the USA  You cant Make this stuff up The giant midget: okay and what's so funny about that Brian??? shouldn't that be in the political forum's?? Lilith___: First reading: Do not fall in love with people like me. I will take you to museums, and parks, and monuments, and kiss you in every beautiful place, so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth. I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave you will finally understand, why storms are named after people. /Caitlyn Siehl/ Second reading: replace 'kiss you' with 'break wind' , and 'people' with 'women'. The giant midget: A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad riding him ,bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?" The mother replies, "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it." "You're wasting your time," said the boy. "Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled. "Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up." Lilith___: A politician walks into a doctor's office with a frog sitting on his head. The frog looks at the doctor and says, "Hey doc, can you get this wart off my ass? The giant midget: A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband's key in the door. "Stay where you are," she said. "He's so drunk he won't even notice you're in bed with me." Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed none the wiser, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed. He turned to his wife: "Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What's going on?" "Nonsense," said the wife. "You're so drunk you miscounted. Get out of bed and count again. You can see better from over there." The husband climbed out of bed, fell twice ,got up and started to count. "One, two, three, four. Oh baby I am so sorry but You're right." | Off Topic Chat Room Similar Conversations |
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