Joke for the Day. (Page 76) Mz Demeanor: The king of Spain has been quarantined on his private jet. That means that the reign in Spain stays mainly on the plane. Lilith___: @marval Sean and Hetty, an elderly widow and widower, had been dating for about three years when Sean finally decided to ask Hetty to marry him. She immediately said 'Yes'. The next morning when he awoke, Sean couldn't remember what her answer was! 'Was she happy? I think so. Wait, no, she looked at me funny.' After about an hour of trying to remember, but to no avail, he got on the telephone and gave Hetty a call. Embarrassed, he admitted that he didn't remember her answer to his proposal. "Oh," Hetty said, "I am so glad you called. I remembered saying 'yes' to someone, but I couldn't remember who it was." Lilith___: @retrocop Two Aussies were out hunting in the outback and came across a huge hole in the ground. They approached it and were amazed at its size. The first said, "Wow, that's some hole. I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is." The second said, "There's an old gear box over there. Let's throw it in and see how long it takes to hit bottom." So they picked up the gear box, carried it over to the hole, counted one-two-three and heaved it in. As they were standing there looking over the edge of the hole, a goat came crashing through the underbrush, ran up to the hole, and without hesitation jumped in head first. They peered into the hole, trying to figure out what that was all about. Just then an old farmer sauntered up. "G'day. You blokes didn't happen to see my goat? The first hunter said "Funny you should ask. We were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doing about 100 mph, and jumped head first into this here hole!" The old farmer said "Nah, that's impossible! I had him chained to a big old gear box... Campion: A nurse was escorting a man from admissions to his hospital room. He glances into a room and sees a man furiously masturbating. He stops and asks the nurse what was going on. She replied that he has a condition that if he didn't ejaculate every two hours a blood clot would form and he would die of a stroke. Satisfied , he continues with the nurse. He glances in another room and sees a man getting a blow job from a nurse. He asks the nurse about it. She just shrugged and said "Same condition. Better insurance." (Edited by Campion) Mz Demeanor: A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them. "Hey, show us yer tits, ya bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks. Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, "I don't think they know who we are; show them your cross." Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Piss off, ya fookin' little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!" Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, "Did that sound cross enough? jimstazz: Theirs these two guys walking over a bridge.one said to the other I bet my dick is bigger then yours.the other guy says ok let's toss our dicks over the bridge and who's dick is closest to the water has the biggest dick.they both toss em over and one says to the other this water sure is cold.the other guy looks at him and says it's deep too. (Edited by jimstazz) The13th: OK this joke I repeat once a year just in case people might have migrated from England to elsewhere around the world and miss it: Two guys has gone into a church asking to be married. The pastor has agreed to perform the rite, and upon finishing, feeling it may not be right to pronounce them man and wife, so he said: "I now pronounce you Man United". amyzen: How do you keep an idiot in suspense? ....................???????????? (I'll tell you later) Wild__: A woman walks into a pharmacy one day and says to the pharmacist, “I’d like a poison that’ll kill my husband but make it look like he died of natural causes.” The pharmacist says, “Ma'am, not only can I not do that for you, I’m going to have to call the police and report you.” The woman removes something from her pocket and hands it to him. He looks at it and discovers that it’s a picture of her husband making love to the pharmacist’s wife. The pharmacist says, “Oh, you should have told me you had a prescription.” jimstazz: This guy screwing this prostitute.the guy says damn you have a big pussy a big pussy.prostitute says why did you say it twice.the guy says I didn't it must a been the echo. | Off Topic Chat Room Similar Conversations |