Joke for the Day. (Page 73) Big Bopper: Her: I'm Susan, but you can call me Sue. Him: I'm Dave, but everyone calls me Dick Her: Really? How do you get Dick from Dave? Him: You ask him nicely. Big Bopper: Late one night a man is driving down the road, speeding quite a bit. A cop notices how fast he is going and pulls him over. The cop says to the man, "Are you aware of how fast you were going?" The man replies, "Yes I am. I'm trying to escape a robbery I got involved in." The cop gives him a skeptical look and says, "Were you the one being robbed?" The man casually replies, "No, I committed the robbery." The cop looks shocked that the man admitted this. "So you're telling me you were speeding...AND committed a robbery?" "Yes," the man calmly says. "I have the loot in the back." The cop begins to get angry. "Sir, I'm afraid you have to come with me." The cop reaches in the window to subdue the man. "Don't do that!" the man yells fearfully. "I'm scared you will find the gun in my glove compartment!" The cop pulls his hand out. "Wait here," he says. The cop calls for backup. Soon cops, cars, and helicopters are flooding the area. The man is cuffed quickly and taken towards a car. However, before he gets in, a cop walks up to him and says, while gesturing to the cop that pulled him over, "Sir, this officer informed us that you had committed a robbery, had stolen loot in the trunk of your car, and had a loaded gun in your glove compartment. However, we found none of these things in your car." The man replies, "Yeah, and I bet that liar said I was speeding too!" Big Bopper: My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them... I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering...do I keep the letters? Big Bopper: One day, when Donald Trump is dead, on his tombstone, we'll read: "HERE LIES DONALD TRUMP" "EVEN THOUGH HE'S DEAD, HE'S STILL LYING!"  davidk14: . One day, when Hillary Clinton is dead, on her tombstone, we'll read: "Here lies Hillary Clinton" "Even though she is dead, she is still lying" .  chronology: Really David Old Man, that's a poor taste joke about Hillary. Anyhow, here is another Gravestone Joke. On the Tombstone of John Doe it read 'Pardon my bad manners for not rising ladies' . davidk14: . Really Chrono Old Man, that was a poor taste joke about Trump by Big Bopper. Seriously Chrono, it's obvious of your bias but then, this is a joke forum...right? . chronology: When Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth was being Coronated Queen in 1953 people from all over the world flew into London to be present at the big dag day, if only in London. Many fellow Royals from around the world attended the ceremony and were driven through the streets of London to Westminster Abby for the big service. A long procession of cars wound their way through the crowded streets full of cheering Londoners. In one car a Queen from a country noted for cannibalism in the past drove past buildings full of partying people. A man in one house party asked Noel Coward who was the little man sat next to the South Seas Queen. Mr Coward, a full glass of champagne in his hand looked down at the little man then remarked 'I think it is her lunch' . Big Bopper: It's strange to see Christians advocating abstinence only sex education... According to their own religion, even abstinence isn't 100% effective.  Mz Demeanor: A man died one day and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter replied, "Those are lie clocks. Everyone on earth has a lie-clock. Every time you lie the hands on the clock will move." "Oh," said the man as he pointed at one of them, "Whose clock is that?" St. Peter replied, "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie." "That's incredible, " said the man. St. Peter pointed to another clock, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe only told two lies in his entire life." The man was impressed, and then asked, "Where's Donald Trump's clock?" St. Peter said, "His clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."  Fate_: Instead of buying Christmas presents for your kids why not give them wisdom instead? If you wrap up an empty cardboard box this will teach them about disappointment. Just had some people knock on my door trying to convince me that ‘brown bread’ is better than ‘white bread’. They told me they were hovis witness. Q. What do wives and vacuum cleaners have in common? A. They both start whining and stop sucking when they need to be replaced My parents made a fortune from selling lamb chops. They’re minted. chronology: David Old Chap, how positively frightful of you. Have you no respect for a former White House Cabinet Member and Secretary of State. I take it courtesy and respect are in short supply in Arizona these days. davidk14: . Chrono Old Chap, how positively frightful of you. Have you no respect for the President of the United States. I take it courtesy and respect are in short supply in your part of the world these days. chronology: Well David, I have never disrespected Mr Trump at all. Just wish Hilary was there and not Mr Trump. davidk14: . Sorry, but Hillary is a proven coward re: Benghazi. I am happy that Hillary lost to a nobody that had no political positions. The DNC had a fix on her to win from Bernie and she still lost to a businessman. Imagine, the American public would rather have a nobody as a President than Hillary. Take a minute and think about that. Also, look at what is happening now with the FBI at that time, putting in a fix to get her elected....and she still lost. And that my friends, is the joke on Hillary. A nobody won. | Off Topic Chat Room Similar Conversations |
