Joke for the Day. (Page 63) Fate_: While having their evening dinner together, a little girl looked up at her father and asked, "Daddy, you're the boss in our family, right?" The father was very pleased to hear it and confidently replied, "Yes my little princess." The girl then continued, "That's because mommy put you in charge, right?" Fate_: Five things women love in cats but hate in men which proves they are crazy hypocrites. 1. Cats are covered in body hair. 2. Cats don’t listen. 3. Cats don’t come in when you call. 4. Cats stay out all night. 5. Cats like to be left alone and sleep all day. S W l N E: Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. 'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?' S W l N E: I had a psychologist show me some Rorschach cards. "What do you see here?", he asked. "A man having sex with a goat," I replied. "And here?" "A woman having sexual relations with two monkeys," said I. "I know what your problems is," he stated with certainty, "You're a sexual deviant." "ME?!" I shouted, outraged. "You're the one with the collection of bestiality porn!" S W l N E: Classic: I was approached in the street this morning by a woman who offered sex in exchange for me advertising some household cleaner. Of course I turned her down as my willpower is very strong, almost as strong as Ajox, now available in vanilla fragrance. chronology: If you go to a strip club, how do you is a psychologist is in the audience? while everyone els is looking at the naked woman, he is looking at the audience and taking notes. How do you know if a Polish person is at a Cock Fight? he is the one taking the duck to the fight. How do you know an Irishman is there? he is the one who bets on the Duck to win. How do you know if some of the audience is Italian Mafia people ? The Duck wins the fight. No offence to any Polish, Irish or Italian people on wire. Fate_: I used to have a relationship with a blind girl which was rewarding but really challenging. It took me ages to learn how to copy her husband’s voice. Got stopped by a women in the street today. She said “Excuse me sir, have you had an accident in the last 3 years that wasn’t your fault? I said, “Yes, she’s nearly 3 now.” Fate_: That awkward moment when you're about to hug someone sexy as hell and then you hit the mirror. briansmythe: The teacher asks the class to make a sentence with the words Shirt and Pistol Little Marey puts her hand up straight away, Yes marey please do' My daddy is a police man he wears a shirt of blue, he leaves for work at 6 O'clock and he takes his pistol Too. Well done the teacher says Then little Johnny sicks his hand up I will have a go miss , Ok Jonny if u must Well the Old man ant no Copper and there ant no shirt of blue, But he gets his cheque at 6 O"clock and he:s on the piss till 2 Fate_: Little Johnny comes home from his first day of school. His mother asks, "What did you learn in school today?" Little Johnny replies, "Not much. They want me back tomorrow. Fate_: There are smart men, handsome men, rich men, sexy men and sweet men and then there is the combination of all. We call that one a "unicorn" Fate_: An attractive lady and an old man are sitting next to each other on a bus, the following conversation takes place. Lady: Can you help me get something off my breasts please? Old man: Yeah sure it would be my pleasure, what is it? Lady: Your eyes Fate_: A girl only has one heart so playing around with it is wrong, play with her boobs instead, she’s got two of them davidk14: . Play around with her boobs? They don't have feelings like her heart??? Of course they do. When was the last time you....um..... Sorry. . Fate_: Got breathalysed by the police last night while driving home from a fancy dress party dressed as the Titanic. I was a nervous wreck. Fate_: Q: What is the difference between a cat and a comma? A: One has claws at the end of its paws and the other is a pause at the end of a clause. Fate_: A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?" She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing." - Fate_: A blonde goes to the doctor's and find out she is pregnant with twins. She starts crying and the doctor asks her what's wrong. She replies, "I know who the dad is for one of them but I don't know who the dad is for the other one!" | Off Topic Chat Room Similar Conversations |