Joke for the Day. (Page 61) Fate_: I took our dog to the vet today, after examining the hound he told me he'd have to put her down, "what's wrong with her?", I asked, "she's too heavy for me" he replied I went into a butchers and I said, 'I'll have a pound of sausages. 'He said, 'I'm very sorry, sir, we only serve kilos in here. 'I said, 'Okay then I'll have a pound of kilos.' A fight kicked off at a fancy dress Bonfire night party, police arrested two youths, dressed as a battery, and a firework. They charged one and let the other one off. Fate_: My granddad was killed by a steam train, he was chuffed to bits. Bus company Arriva have been taken over by a German bus company. There was no announcement - the drivers just came in to work and found towels on their seats. I've just seen a huge Egyptian woman sticking her arse out the window of a car. It was a two-ton car moon. My girlfriend asked me what DVD’s I’d like to watch with her. I told her to get lost. Turns out Lost is some TV series! Mz Demeanor: A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says "uno, dos...." *poof* He disappeared with out a tres. Fate_: The Grim Reaper came for me but I fought him off with my hoover. I was Dyson with death. I got a brand new hedge-trimmer today, It's state of the art cutting hedge technology I've got a dog called Curiosity While walking in the park I saw a man with this amazing dog, it had put a tent up, lit a fire and was cooking some beans. "Bloody hell, thats a clever dog mate" "Its a guide dog" he replied. Man walks into butchers and says can I have an ox tail please? Butcher says sure......once upon a time..... Fate_: This man was about to throw dough, cheese, and tomatoes at me, I said, "You wanna pizza me?" I got shown around an empty perfume factory, it made no scents whatsoever. I've decided to marry a pencil, can't wait to introduce the parents to my bride 2B. I woke last night to find the Ghost of Gloria Gaynor stood at the foot of my bed. At first I was Afraid I was petrified Fate_: My Grandads last words were "you selfish boy!"... I respected his wishes and became a fishmonger soon after. Fate_: My mate called me up to ask, "what're you up to at the mo?", "probably failing my driving test", I told him. (Post deleted by davidk14 ) Fate_: Man walks into butchers and says can I have an ox tail please? Butcher says sure......once upon a time...... Fate_: My mate & his blonde Mrs decided to flip a coin to see what their new born son should be called, now he's called 'Tails'. Fate_: Two crisps are walking down the street and a man pulls up in a car and says, "Do you want a lift?", and the crisps say, "no thanks, we're Walkers" Fate_: I was driving this morning when I saw an AA van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked miserable, I thought to myself, ‘that guy’s heading for a breakdown’. Fate_: "The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine" - Winston Churchill 1944 | Off Topic Chat Room Similar Conversations |