Place your jokes here thread.

Anne aka Mags
Anne aka Mags: The other thread is getting too long, so thought I'd start another one (fresh)!


Q. Why did the chicken cross the moebius strip?

A. To get to the same side!
12 years ago Report
1
Zoey234
Zoey234: I'm gonna' forgive you for that one Mags but just this one time !!
Ahl be back with a joke.
12 years ago Report
0
Anne aka Mags
Anne aka Mags: Thanks Zoey!
12 years ago Report
0
~LoisLane~
~LoisLane~: Have I told you the joke about the cookie?
Meh, it's a crummy joke anyway (Oh come on you friggin loved it!!! )
12 years ago Report
0
Anne aka Mags
Anne aka Mags: lmao

What do you get when you cross a tiger with a canary?

I don't know either, but when it sings you'd better listen!
12 years ago Report
0
~LoisLane~
~LoisLane~: And when it flys and poops you better run for cover hahaha
12 years ago Report
0
Anne aka Mags
Anne aka Mags: lmao Lois! Gonna repost another here...

Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
Cos it was dead!

Why did the 2nd koala fall out of the tree?
Cos it was nailed to the 1st one!

Why did the 3rd koala fall out of the tree?
Peer pressure!
12 years ago Report
0
Sables
Sables: A crate load of Viagra has been stolen from a distribution depot - police are looking for hardened criminals.

In Pharmacology, all drugs have generic names. Tylenol is Acetaminophen; Advil is Ibuprofen, and so on.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name to call Viagra, and today announced they have settled on Mydixarisin. Also considered were: Mydixadrupin and Mycoxafailin.


Three women [a brunette a red head and a blond], had just finished robbing a bank and they were running from the police. To try and lose them, they jumped into a shed.

The police officer followed them into the shed and started to look for them. He noticed three sacks. He poked the 1st one which said Live Chickens and the red head started clucking like a chicken. He then moved on to the next bag that said live pigs. He poked it and the brunette started oinking like a pig. He then saw another sack that said potatoes and he decided to poke it. The blond said... "potatoes."


Two boy scouts went on a nature hike in the hills picking hickory nuts.
Along the way, they filled their small pails and then started to fill their pockets and shirts.
When they could hold no more nuts, they started down the country road until they came across a cemetery. The boys decided that would be a good place to stop and rest and divide out the nuts.
The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree and unloaded their pockets and buckets by dumping all of the nuts in a large pile.
In the process, two of them rolled away and rested near the road. The boys then proceeded to divide out the nuts. "One for you. One for me. One for you. One for me."
As they were doing this, another boy was passing by and happened to hear them. He looked into the cemetery, but could not see the boys, because they were obscured by the tree. He hesitated a moment and then ran back to town.
"Father! Father!" he yelled as he entered his house. "The cemetery. Come quick!"
"What's the matter?" his father asked.
"No time to explain," the boy frantically panted. "Follow me!"
The boy and his father ran up the country road and stopped when they reached the cemetery. They stopped at the side of the road and all fell silent for a few moments. Then the father asked his son what was wrong.
"Do you hear that?" he whispered. Both people listened intently and heard the Scouts. "One for me. One for you. One for me. One for you..."
The boy then blurted out, "The devil and the Lord are dividing the souls!"
The father was skeptical but silent -- until a few moments later as the Scouts completed dividing out the nuts and one Scout said to the other, "Now, as soon as we get those two nuts down by the road, we'll have them all.
12 years ago Report
0
✯ ℓυcΐ∂ ♡
✯ ℓυcΐ∂ ♡: A Virginia State trooper pulled a car over on I-64 about 2 miles south of the Virginia/West Virginia State line..
When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to Beckley, WV to do a show at the Shrine Circus. He didn't want to be late.
The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket. He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.
The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them.
The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit them and handed them to him.
While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunken good old boy from West Virginia got out, watched the performance briefly, then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in. The trooper observed him and went over to the patrol car and opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing.
The drunk replied, "You might as well take my ass to jail, because there ain't no way I can pass that test."
12 years ago Report
0
Sables
Sables: lol
12 years ago Report
0
Anne aka Mags
Anne aka Mags: lmfao Sables & Lucid!

A blonde woman walked into the hairdresser's wearing headphones attached to an mp3 player.

When she sat down in the chair, the hairdresser went to take the headphones off. The blonde quickly grabbed them and held them to her head.

The hairdresser said, "I have to remove them to cut your hair!"

The blonde, "Leave them where they are and cut around them."

So the hairdresser proceeded to cut the blonde's hair until the only area to be done was covered by the headphones. Before the blonde could do anything, she quickly pulled them off the blonde's head.

Immediately, the blonde keeled over and died.

Panicked, the hairdresser put the headphones over her own ears and heard...

"Breath in! Breath out! Breath in! Breath out!..."
12 years ago Report
0
Sables
Sables: lol
12 years ago Report
0
Anne aka Mags
Anne aka Mags: Q. How do fit 5 elephants in a mini minor?
A. 2 in the front and 3 in the back!



Q. How do you know there's been an elephant in your fridge?
A. A set of footprints in the butter.

Q. How do you know there's been 2 elephants in your fridge?
A. 2 sets of footprints in the butter.

Q. How do you know there's been 3 elephants in your fridge?
A. 3 sets of footprints in the butter.

Q. How do you know there's been 4 elephants in your fridge?
A. 4 sets of footprints in the butter.



Q. How do you know there's been 5 elephants in your fridge?
A. There's a mini minor parked outside!
12 years ago Report
0
Sables
Sables: Two men were walking through the woods and came upon a big black, deep hole. One man picked up a rock and tossed it into the hole and stood listening for the rock to hit bottom. There was no sound.
He turned to the other guy and said "that must be a deep hole...let's throw a bigger rock in there and listen for it to hit bottom." The men found a bigger rock and both picked it up and lugged it to the hole and dropped it in.
They listened for some time and never heard a sound. Again, they agreed that this must be one deep hole and maybe they should throw something even bigger into it.
One man spotted a rail-road tie nearby. They picked up the tie, grunting and groaning, and lugged it to the hole. They tossed it in. No sound. All of a sudden, a goat came flying out of the woods, running like the wind, and flew past the men and jumped straight into the hole. The men were amazed.
About that time, an old hayseed farmer came out of the woods and asked the men if they had seen a goat. One man told the farmer of the incredible incident they had just witnessed...they had just seen this goat fly out of the woods and run and leap into the big hole. The man asked the farmer if this could have been his goat.
The old farmer said "naw, that can't be my goat...he was chained to a railroad tie."
12 years ago Report
0
Sables
Sables: Merv was in a terrible accident at work. He fell through a floor tile and ripped off both of his ears. Since he was permanently disfigured, he settled with the company for a rather large sum of money and went on his way. One day, Merv decided to invest his money in a small, but growing telecom business called Plexus Communications. After weeks of negotiations, he bought the company outright. But, after signing on the dotted line, he realized that he knew nothing about running such a business and quickly set out to hire someone who could do that for him.
The next day he had set up three interviews. The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to and was very interesting. At the end of the interview, Merv asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?" And the gentleman answered, "Why yes, I couldn't help but notice you have no ears." Merv got very angry and threw him out.
The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the first guy. He asked her the same question, "Do you notice anything different about me?" and she replied: "Well, you have no ears." Merv again was upset and tossed her out.
The third and last interview was the best of all three. It was with a very young man who was fresh out of college. He was smart. He was handsome. And he seemed to be a better businessman than the first two put together. Merv was anxious, but went ahead and asked the young man the same question: "Do you notice anything different about me?" And to his surprise, the young man answered: "Yes. You wear contact lenses."
Merv was shocked, and said, "What an incredibly observant young man. How in the world did you know that?"
The young man fell off his chair laughing hysterically and replied, "Well, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no ears!"
12 years ago Report
0
Sables
Sables: A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: "You can have mine."
12 years ago Report
0
Anne aka Mags
Anne aka Mags: NB This is not a racist joke! Just fts many diff nationalities!

An Italian guy arrived for his first day working in a factory. The foreman greeted him and said, "listen mate, we have a few blokes here from different countries so for convenience, we refer to each in a way that helps us remember who's from where. So, seein' as your from Italy, do you mind if we call you Wog?"

"Nah, that's fine!"

"Great! Let me introduced to the fellas you'll be working with. Over here is a Greek fella we call Nick. Next is our Scottish bloke we call Mack. Over there is the Irish block Paddy. Last but not least is Wacka, our Aussie mate. Wack for short! Right, I'll leave you here to get acquainted."

So the foreman went of for a coffee and cig. When he returned, everyone was belting into the new guy!

He shouted, "NICK, MACK, PADDY, WACK, leave the WOG alone!"
12 years ago Report
0
Sables
Sables: lol grooooaaaaaaan
12 years ago Report
0
Karma
Karma: What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A f sh.
12 years ago Report
0
Sables
Sables: lol
12 years ago Report
0
Karma
Karma: The Invisible Man married the Invisible Woman. Believe me, their kids were nothing to look at either.
12 years ago Report
0
Sables
Sables: giggle giggle
12 years ago Report
0
Taima
Taima: What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No eyed deer.


Bahahahahhaha I kill me
12 years ago Report
0
Sables
Sables: snicker snicker
12 years ago Report
0
Stewart75
Stewart75: Q: What do you call a dull sheep with no mind of its own...?

A: A Sables

12 years ago Report
0
Taima
Taima: Q what do you call someone who vomits on the street after a dope binge?

A. Stewart
12 years ago Report
0
Page: 123