A Million Funny little facts and laughs (Page 5) Corwin: Oh? Did it pertain to penguins?  Here's a penguin holding a gun to a monkey and demanding his wallet. Corwin: I think educating penguins is part of the problem... a less educated penguin wouldn't know how to handle a fire-arm.... no monkey is safe anymore.  Hyenablood: I would like to know how a deer kills 17,000, did it have a machine gun ? drop a building on people ? how is this possible ?  Comrade_: 1) You can know the approximate temperature in degrees Fahrenheit, by counting the number of cricket chirps in 15 seconds and then add 37. 2) You can know the approximate distance in miles that lightning struck by counting the number of seconds between the lightning and the thunder then dividing it by 5. Corwin: Did you know that you can determine the age of a penguin by cutting it in half and counting the rings? Corwin: Here's an interesting bit of fact about animals dropped into a 1000 foot deep mine-shaft... if a mouse falls, it hits the bottom, bounces, and scurries away... if a man falls, he hits the bottom and breaks... if a horse falls, it hits the bottom and splashes. But the real unanswered question here is..... what would happen to a penguin??  OCD_OCD: Well, if the man and horse are still down there at the bottom, the penguin would land on a soft spot, end up dazed and brain damaged, but you would have a live penguin who believes he is a labrador retriever.  Serabi: Makes you think, doesn't it?? Opposites! Actions speak louder than words. The pen is mightier than the sword. Look before you leap. He who hesitates is lost. Many hands make light work. Too many cooks spoil the broth. A silent man is a wise one. A man without words is a man without thoughts. Beware of Greeks bearing gifts. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Clothes make the man. Don't judge a book by its cover. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Better safe than sorry. The bigger, the better. The best things come in small packages. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Out of sight, out of mind. What will be, will be. Life is what you make it. Cross your bridges when you come to them. Forewarned is forearmed. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. One man's meat is another man's poison. With age comes wisdom. Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings come all wise sayings. The more, the merrier. Two's company; three's a crowd. Serabi: This is Punographic! I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now. When chemists die, they barium. Jokes about German sausage are the wurst. I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me. This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down. I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words. They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O. PMS jokes aren't funny; period. Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations. We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz. I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me. Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils? When you get a bladder infection urine trouble. Broken pencils are pointless. I tried to catch some fog, but I mist. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus. England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool. I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest. I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx. All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough. Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes. Velcro — what a rip off! A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy. Venison for dinner again? Oh deer! The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's fault. Serabi: EVER WONDER Why?? Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? Why "abbreviated" is such a long word? Why doctors call what they do "practice"? Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98? Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dish-washing liquid is made with real lemons? Why the man Who invests all your money is called a broker? Why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food? Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor? Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? Why they don't make the Whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ? Why sheep don't shrink when it rains? Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together? if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe? Serabi: What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup? Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup! Why don't aliens eat clowns? Because they taste funny. What do you call a fish with no eye? A fsh Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other : "Funny, I smell carrots too". What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? el-if-i-no Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted. Why did the fish get kicked out of school? Cause he was caught with seaweed. The fight we had last night was my fault, my wife asked me what was on the TV and I said dust. Boys are like parking spaces the good ones are taken!!!! They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak. When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance. Where did you get those big eyes? They came with the face. I went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls. It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look. A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth. "Has there been any insanity in your family?" "Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he's the boss." I was thinking of becoming a doctor. I have the handwriting for it. "My wife doesn't know what she wants." "You're lucky. My wife does." | Off Topic Chat Room Similar Conversations |
