A Million Funny little facts and laughs Hyenablood: life is far more exciting in your forties. At any point, you could sneeze wrong and end up getting emergency back surgery. The bell couldn't keep a secret, because it always tolled. The mail had gotten so slow that last month some flower seeds arrived as a bouquet.\ May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on facebook. Ever notice that Soup for one is eight aisles away from the party mix ? whatever you do, always give 100%, unless you're donating blood. Hearing Aid Sale! Give us a shout if you're interested. The new voicemail:" if you have reached his recording, please hang up and text me" Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google or Wikipedia A will is a dead giveaway. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges ? If you lie down with dogs, you'll stink in the morning.  OCD_OCD: The king of hearts is the only king without a moustache on a standard playing card There are 18 different animal shapes in the Animal Crackers cookie zoo Every day 20 banks are robbed. The average take is $2,500 Tourists visiting Iceland should know that tipping at a restaurant is considered an insult The names of Popeye's four nephews are Pipeye, Peepeye, Pupeye, and Poopeye Forest fires move faster uphill than downhill  Comrade_: "Rather than using a paper clip, a crocodile clip, a paper bag or a handbag, an alligator can be rendered helpless by placing a rubber band over its jaws. The muscles that are used to close the jaws add to a force of several tonnes per square inch, but the ones that open them are so weak, it can be stopped just by putting a rubber band over its mouth." Who wants to test this out? It might work though.. Comrade_: More people have been killed by ducks than by atomic bombs. ...as they were responsible for the 1918 outbreak of the Spanish flu.  Serabi: Only one McDonald’s in the world has turquoise arches. Officials in Sedona, Arizona, thought yellow would clash with the natural red rock. Duct tape was developed in 1942 for use by the U.S. Army as a waterproof sealing tape for ammunition boxes. George de Mestral, the inventor of Velcro, also received a patent for a toy plane at age 12. While sailing around the world in 2000, TV journalist Geraldo Rivera was followed along the coast of Somalia and nearly attacked by modern-day, Uzi-wielding pirates. The good ship Geraldo could have been a major haul for the pirates, but they were foiled when the newsman had his crew fired flare guns, drawing attention to the vessel and frightening off the attackers. Chocolate chip cookies were made by mistake when the chocolate in the cookie did not melt properly. The antennae sticking out the head of a snail aren’t feelers, but peepers. It’s true- a snail’s eyes are located at the tips of those long stalks. There’s a rumour that Twinkies have a shelf life of 20-plus years. The truth of the matter, however, is that it’s closer to 25 days. The plastic-wrapped desserts contain the same apocalypse-vulnerable preservatives you’d find in most commercially baked breads. Herbert Hoover was Stanford’s football team manager. At the first Stanford-Cal game in 1892, he forgot to bring the ball. HBO didn’t like the title Curb Your Enthusiasm. They suggested Best Foot Backwards, Half Empty or Regrets Only. Thomas Jefferson and John Adams, once sworn political enemies (though after retirement they became quite friendly), died on July 4th of the same year 1826 (America’s 50th anniversary). Prior to 1938, engagement rings more often than not were comprised of a combination of the bride and her mother’s birthstones, which meant that sapphires, rubies, and emeralds were the order of the day. The little bump on the front side of your ear is called a tragus. Rogaine and Viagra were discovered by testing potential blood pressure medicines. The Barcolo Manufacturing Company of Buffalo, New York, started the American tradition of the office “coffee break.” In 1902 they offered free coffee to their employees in order to boost morale, as well as a few free minutes in which to enjoy it. Serabi: Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. Serabi: Bumper Stickers My karma ran over your dogma. I brake for... wait... AAAH! NO BRAKES!!!!! A fool and his money are a girl's best friend. I'm not driving fast-just flying low. Help starve a feeding bureaucrat. My other vehicle is a Romulan Warbird! Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. "I is a college student." If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you. Gravity- It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW! Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible? (RR) Life is too complicated in the morning. All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done. The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography. Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody. My wife said "If you go hunting or fishing one more time I'm going to leave you" ...I'm sure going to miss her. Serabi: Ask me about my vow of silence. Today's subliminal message is: ( ) I love animals, they taste great. EARTH FIRST! We'll strip-mine the other planets later. "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes." Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. Give me ambiguity or give me something else. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep. Your kid may be an honour student, but you're still an IDIOT! Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips. I took an IQ test and the results were negative. When there's a will, I want to be in it! Tastes like chicken keep on licking. Tastes like trout get the fuck out! It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. Forget about World Peace....visualize using your turn signal. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? Born free... taxed to death. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast. OCD_OCD: 1 The people most fearful of crime in big cities, don’t live in big cities. 2 When you have 10 channels, you can always find something to watch. When you have 500, you complain there’s nothing on. 3 One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronized with a complete stranger. 4 You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green chips. 5 As kids we all entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator. 6 Reading when you're drunk is horrible. 7 Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly. 8 You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden. 9 Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones. 10 Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl. 11 You never know where to look when eating a banana. 12 Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat. 13 Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly. 14 Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball. 15 You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses. 16 Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school. 17 The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad. 18 The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity. OCD_OCD: Im not sure, but I may have bitten whoever came up with that list. You can see why I might do that. LOL Serabi: A cockroach will live nine days without its head, before it starves to death. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out. A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. A snail can sleep for three years. All Polar bears are left-handed. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class. Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age. Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. Butterflies taste with their feet. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, dogs only have about ten. Cat's urine glows under a black light. China has more English speakers than the United States. Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants. Duelling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump. Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie. Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. I am. is the shortest complete sentence in the English language If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall and have a neck twice the length of a normal human's neck. If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction. If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. If you keep a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn white. If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes. In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. OCD_OCD: Wow. Some of those things I want to wipe from my memory bank. LOL Particularly the pigs and cockroaches. Oh, and the hair-plucking priests. OCD_OCD: LOL. Caly is keeping secrets, isn't he? We'll have to hear that from a pig's point of view....or maybe not. I don't think I want to hear him describe it.  lizard_king_: The world’s tallest battle monument is found in Houston, Texas -The world’s highest roller coaster is located in Ohio. -The world’s first atomic bomb was set off in New Mexico during 1945. Montana has 3 times more cattle than people. -Death Valley is the lowest point in the U.S. -Alaska has a longer coastline than all the other 49 states put together. -The Four Corners region is the only point at which 4 states come together. -Maine makes more toothpicks than any other state. -The first U.S. Mint was in Pennsylvania. -The first night baseball game was played in Cincinnati, Ohio. -California grows more food than any other state. -The smallest state has the longest name! -More Revolutionary War battles were fought in South Carolina than in any other state. -The oldest public building in the U.S. is in New Mexico. -In Nebraska, you can still see the tracks of wagons over 100 years ago! -Maine sees the sunrise before the whole U.S. every day. -The biggest popcorn plant is located in Iowa. Well, these were just a few of the many, MANY interesting and fun facts about the greatest country on earth. I hope you enjoyed reading them! | Off Topic Chat Room Similar Conversations |