For those who want to learn about how to talk Texan.....here you go OCD_OCD: You Don't Want to Hear a Texan Say You're: Crooked as a Barrel of Snakes Crooked as a Dog's Hind Leg Dumb as a Box of Hammers Tighter than Bark on a Tree Dumb as a Box of Rocks Ugly as Homemade Soap Ugly as Homemade Sin Older than Two Trees All Hat and No Cattle Ugly as a Mud Fence Like Ugly on an Ape Dumber than Dirt Plug-ugly OCD_OCD: Like the Dogs Was after Him. (In a Big Hurry.) Hidden in the Basement like a Crazy Aunt. He Beat Him like a Rented Mule. (Ouch!) Blacker than Midnight under a Skillet. Fine as Frog's Hair. OCD_OCD: "Never Ask a Man If He's from Texas. If He Is, He'll Tell You on His Own. If He Ain't, No Need to Embarrass Him." "The Lord Never Closes One Door Without Opening Another One." "Tend to Your Own Knittin'/rat Killin'." (Mind Your Own Business!) " You're Good Enough to Make a Rabbit Spit in a Bulldog's Face." "You Can Always Tell a Texan, but You Can't Tell Him Much." "Evil Thoughts Are like Chickens--they Come Home to Roost." "You Done Stopped Preachin' and Gone to Meddlin'." (You're Sticking Your Nose into My Business, Here, Pal.) "That's Tellin' Him How the Cow Ate the Cabbage." "I Want You to Jump When I Say Frog." "If You've Done It, it Ain't Braggin'." OCD_OCD: I'll be sure to bore you to pieces with more if you let this thread fall off the first page. it's all about self bumpage.  calybonos: I have a few questions. Why do Texans want to be "walkin in high cotton"? Where is "over yonder",and what is under yonder? Why is "dad" always blamin it.gummin it,and nabbin it? Are the gulleys in Texas really so dirty that they need "gullywashers"? Is it true that larrupin' is a few fingers tastier than finger-lickin' good? OCD_OCD: If your cotton is tall, you have more cotton. there is no "under yonder". Under Yonder would be axle deep. Dads are always dad gummin' it because kids round here are badder than rats on skates. gully washers are required to clean out the road kill smoothed under big tires and even larger cattle pusher grills Larrupin' requires no fingers. You just lean your head over the bowl and get with it. calybonos: I'm slickern bug snot ma'am,and yur quickern a six legged coonhound with two tails.........? .....uh....I think. calybonos: nuh uh!......you really think so OCD? *practices quick draw*.......BANG!....OW! shot muh dang foot agin! calybonos: I think I better stick with the bullwhip...........crack!...ow! I'm no better with it but ....oh yeah!...hurts sooooo good!
OCD_OCD: You ain't right, piggy. You just ain't right. Return my riding crop and we won't mention this little episode again.  southern77: calybonos: I have a few questions. Why do Texans want to be "walkin in high cotton"? Where is "over yonder",and what is under yonder? Why is "dad" always blamin it.gummin it,and nabbin it? Are the gulleys in Texas really so dirty that they need "gullywashers"? the answers to some of the questions... and by the way its not a texan thing its more a southern slang walking in high cotton means youve had a great year and soon to get paid for the crops yonder is way over there... as im pointing in a certain direction under yonder ... refer to last example dads do this so not to hurt the persons feelings hes talking about ... and you really dont want to know the real words hes thinking gullywashers... well yes they do need washing out from time to time and best hope that rancher dont have some cows and flat rocks .... "its flooding like a cow pissing on a flat rock" best one i like is... "yall aint from around here are you" (Edited by southern77) southern77: In Texas there is a town called New Braunfels , where there is a large German-speaking population. One day, a local rancher driving down a country road noticed a man using his hand to drink water from the rancher's stock pond. The rancher rolled down the window and shouted: "Sehr angenehm! Trink das Wasser nicht. Die kuehe haben darein geschissen." Which means: "Glad to meet you! Don't drink the water. The cows have shit in it." The man shouted back: "I'm from New York and just down here campaigning for Obama. I can't understand you. Please speak in English." The rancher replied: "Use both hands." yup lol OCD_OCD: new Braunfels and Helotes. There is an awesome little store there where Willie Nelson, et. al. Just show up to play. Sweat and dance and sweat some more. LOL  OCD_OCD: So dry the birds are building their nests out of barbed wire. So dry the Baptists are sprinkling, the Methodists are spitting, and the Catholics are giving rain checks. So dry the catfish are carrying canteens. So dry the trees are bribing the dogs. So dry my duck don't know how to swim. It's been dry so long we only got a quarter inch of rain during Noah's Flood. So dry I'm spitting cotton. Dry as a powder house. Dry as the heart of a haystack. I keep forgetting that I need to post something inane on a daily basis. LOL | Off Topic Chat Room
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