Dark Jokes (Page 5) Hey, this is like a troll free zone! Kinda like the "work" topic cuz trolls never look for jobs! Ya ever wonder what sex is like for senior citizens??? Well...............................................depends  Speaking of wrong Two dogs were sitting in a vet's office. The bigger of the dogs gruffs, "Whatcha doing here?" The little dog responds, "I'm getting 'fixed'. Whenever I see my mistress I get so horny I just jump on her leg and start pumping. It's very embarrassing." The first dog says, "Yeah, I know what you mean. One morning my mistress had just got out of the shower, and was sitting on the side of the bed. She leaned down to pick up her clothes from the floor, and I couldn't resist it... I jumped up and starting taking her from the rear!" The second dog exclaimed, "Wow! So you're here to be fixed too?" "Hell no, I'm getting de-clawed." One day a young boy named Jerry came home from school to find his mother and her new boyfriend having sex on the kitchen table. Jerry yelled "Hey mum what are you doing?". The mother said "OH! .. umm Baking cakes hunny!". Jerry said "OK" and went upstairs to do his homework. The next morning he came running into her bedroom and said "hey mum you and your friend were baking cakes again weren't you?" His mother looked surprised and said "How did you know?", and Jerry answered "Because I just licked the icing off the table". what does a redneck divorce have in common with a hurricane? Someone is gonna loose their trailer! A man goes to his doctor for an annual check up. The doctor says "I'll need you to come back tomorrow with a urine sample, a poo sample and a sperm sample". The man replies "Right so doctor, I'll bring'em by tomorrow" When he gets home his wife askes "Well what did he say ?" The man replies "He needs me to bring in a pair of your underwear." An Indian tracker is taking some pioneers through the plains in the mid-1800's. Suddenly he stops and points. "Bear have babies." He says. One of the younger pioneers runs up and asks, "How'd you know that!?." "I know these things," replied the Indian. They continue their journey, and a little while later the Indian stops, points, and says, "deer tracks." "How'd you know that!?" asks the young pioneer once again. "I know these things." After another hour of journeying, the Indian jumps off his horse and puts his ear to the ground. "Buffalo come." "How'd you know that!?" "Ear wet." One day a multi billionaire was board, so he asked his butler to get him 3 men. A few hours later the butler comes back. The man says "OK I've a deal you can't refuse. Who can swim successfully across this pool filed with sharks, eels, and leaches. The winner may have whatever his heat desires." No one replies so the man gives up. All of a sudden the man hears a splash. One of the men is swimming as fast as he can, dodging all the sharks, eels, and leaches. The billionaire was so impressed that someone had enough guts take up his challenge. He congratulates the man and asks him what he wants. The man replies "I want the Sun of a Bitch who pushed me in" Three midgets are trying to get in the Guinness Book of World Records. The first for the smallest hands. The second for the smallest feet. And the third for the smallest penis in the world. The first guy goes in for measurements, comes out happy as can be. He's got the smallest hands in the world. The second guy goes in and comes out happy as can be. He's got the smallest feet in the world. The third guy goes in for measurements, comes out furious and screams "WHO THE HELL IS JUSTIN BIEBER" Redneck Children...... "You've just had your twelvth baby miss. What are you going to name this one?" "Phil" "But you named the last eleven phil" "Yeah its great. I say phil go clean the room, they all go clean their room. I say phil come for dinner, they all come for dinner." "But what if you only want one of them?" "Oh! Then I call them by their last name." (Edited by ~LoisLane~) Bobby-joe was riding in Jeds truck Jed pulled over, got out and pointed down yawnder and said, "Thats where I first had sex." Bobby-Joe said,"How was it." Jed said,"It was great til' I looked up and saw her mom was watching." Bobby-Joe yelled,"Oh shit, what did she say??" Jed repiled "Baaa" lols ^^lols^^ A women was pregnant with triplets. One day she goes into this bank as it was being held up. She gets shot 3 times in her stomach, but luckily she lives. She goes to the doctor who tells her her children will be all right, one day the bullets will come out. So 13 years later, one triplet, a girl, runs out of the bathroom and says "MOM, MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!" So the mother tells her the story. The next day the second daughter comes out and says the same thing, "MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHOOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!" On the third day the son comes out and says "MOM, MOM!" she goes "Let me guess, you were going to the bathroom and a bullet came out?" he replies "No, I was jerking off and I shot the dog!" Little Johnny was taking a shower with his grandma. He casually asked,"Grandma whats that?" She quickly replied, "That's my beaver". Little Johnny didnt say another word. Two days later he was taking a shower with his mom. Little Johnny asked,"Mommy whats that?" She replied, "Well Johnny thats my beaver." Little Johnny thought for a bit and said,"Well grandmas beaver must be dying her tongues hanging out!!" ^^^Oh that's so wrong, on so many levels^^^ What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex? Oral sex makes youe whole day. Anal sex makes your hole weak. |
