Dark Jokes (Page 4) Men are getting laid more often in these tough economic times as women cant afford fresh batteries.  Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home. The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!' Two guys are hiking deep in the woods when they cross paths with a very hungry grizzly bear. One guy takes off his back pack, pulls out running shoes, and begins to put them on. His friend says "thats pointless, you cant out run a bear!" He replies "I don't need to out run the bear." <WARNING TO ALL MEN> Female sexual predetors are using a date rape drug called "blow jobs" to lure men into these scams called "relationships." "Relationships" can lead to a long term form of servitude known as "marriage!"  Not sure if I put this one up before but....Meh lols Very Short Story Man driving down road. Woman driving up same road. They pass each other. Woman yells out window, "PIG"! Man yells out window, "BITCH"! Man rounds next curve. Man crashes into a HUGE PIG in middle of road and totals his car.. Thought For the Day: If men would just listen.... Paddy was walking through a field and sees a man drinking from a pool with his hand, Paddy shouts "Na ol an t-uisce, ta se ian do ca bo!" (Don’t drink the water, it’s full of cowshit). The man shouts back "I’m English! Speak English, I don’t understand you." Paddy shouts back "Use both hands, you’ll get more in!" How can you tell the difference between a straight rodeo and a gay rodeo? At a straight rodeo they yell "Ride them suckers!" EWEEEE, Speakin of ewe's I recently went for a drive in the country, and I couldn't help but notice that all the guys have wool stuck in their zipper??? ^^Sick man^^ lols..... What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry. OH OUCH!!! Are you Jewish or Catholic? Its a sick world and I'm a happy guy! What's the definition of indefinetly? When my balls are slappin up against her ass, I'm in definetly!!!  Lols.... This one is gross as hell but Oh wells haha......... There once was a vampire named Mabel whose periods ran quite stable; every full moon she'd pull out a spoon and drink herself under the table. Oh that reminds me of how I earned the nick name "vampire." You see, one time I was.... Oh nevermind........................................................................ PUKINGGGGGGGGGGGG hahahahaha....... This is an old one but it always made me laugh..... A tomato, a piece of gum, and a penis are all talking. The tomato says "I've got the worst live, I get cut up and stuck in a sandwhich". The piece of gum says "No, mine's worse, I get chewed up, spit out and stepped on". The penis says "No, by far I've got the worst life... I get a plastic bag stuck over my head, then I'm shoved in a dark tunnel and made to do push ups 'till I throw up!" This guy was walking down the street and this hooker says, "Say, wanna have a good time?" as he looked him up and down seductively. "Sure," he says and they are off to the nearest motel. She takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her. She says, "Is this the first pussy you seen since you crawled out of one?" The guy says, "Nope, just the first one I've seen big enough to crawl back into." |
