Bri's Journal BrigaBee: BrigaBee, 27, N.C., U.S.A I don't have an owner because at present, I am not a submissive. •What do you hope to gain from this experience? I hope to gain a better understanding of what I want from a relationship and a better understanding of myself in general. I'd like to learn a bit more about beginning and maintaining a relationship and what I really want from my partner.  BrigaBee: 2. What does submission mean to you? To me, submission means consenting to live according to the will of another. It means allowing someone else to make decisions for you and living according to their dictates and guidelines. BrigaBee: 3. Dominants should always be typed with a Capital letter and submissives with a lowercase letter, unless otherwise instructed. Why? Dominants are typed with a capital letter and submissives with a lowercase as a show of status and respect. The distinction shows the individuality and power that lies within a Dom versus the dependence and submission of a sub. Subs draw their "identity" from a Dom. It is much like the show of respect a religious person embues their Lord or God with versus the more general use of the noun god. BrigaBee: 4.SAFE WORD: Halo List your safe word and limits, think carefully No blood play No water sports No severe pain play No needle play No piercing without permission No fists (Medium to gentle slaps are okay) No canes No drawing blood with whips, or bites (Medium hard to gentle slaps okay) No animals No cutting skin with knives (touching skin without cutting is okay, as is removing clothes) No choking/suffocation/breath play No enclosed spaces or insects Family fantasies -- calling my Dom daddy or mommy, etc etc Anonymity These things are always changing though and I might not have though of everything or there might be some that I change my mind about (Edited by BrigaBee) BrigaBee: 5. What does obedience mean to you? Obedience means trusting your Dominant partner enough to do what they ask of you. It means trusting they have your goals, development, care and best interests at heart when they require something of you. It means making a choice to comply their will for your own benefit, even if it may not seem clear to you at the time. BrigaBee: 6. Why is communication important in the D/s relationship? Communication is important in any relationship. It is even more important in a D/s relationship because a D/s relationship must be open and completely understood by both parties. Since D/s relationships involve so many aspects of the partners' lives, each action, reaction and behavior must be understood by all involved or it violates the very tenets of the bond. If a sub is being punished for something but doesn't know what, how can that sub prevent themselves from doing it the next time. If a dom never hears a safe word from a sub, how is he to know when he is truly hurting or scarring her? Communication is one of the most important parts of a D/s relationship because so much can go wrong with out it, but with it? Two (or more) people can be satisfied beyond their wildest dreams.  KittenBlu: 4. limits are an evolving list...better to over state them then to get caught during play by surprise 5. nice statement 6.excellent....communication is important in D/s and vanilla worlds BrigaBee: 7. Why do you need to trust your Dominant? Why do they need to trust you? A sub needs to trust their Dominant to not push them past their limits and to have their best interests at heart above all else. Nothing should be done to a some without their good in mind. A good Dom should always be thinking of the best thing for their sub and taking care of them and safely expanding their horizons. To truthst their control is for the pleasure of both the sub and the Dom and not just the Dom. A Dominant needs to trust their sub to tell them their true limits and to use their safe words so that they aren't harmed or scarred in play and don't end up doing something they truly want to do just to please their Dom. Doms need to know the ir subs are emotionally and physically okay before they take the next step in their relationship. KittenBlu: Dominants also need to trust that their subs will remain loyal to them and if they are unhappy...to be able to work through the issues or ask for release//// next lesson BrigaBee: 8. Why is honesty important between Dominant and sub? Honestly is important between a Dominant and a sub because if there is no honesty there is no way of knowing if each partner is getting their needs met. In a Vanilla world, those who are into the life are often afraid of what their partner might thing of their D/s needs. Honesty is important in any relationship because lies are like poison. Dominants need to know that subs will obey them (mostly) without question and honestly trust that they are doing the right thing. Doms need to know the subs with be faithful and vice versa (depending on the situation) Both partners need to know that their trust and honestly will not be abused or taken advantaged of, especially with how the mainstream sees the life style. Honesty also prevents miscommunications about standards for both the Dom and the sub, in cases like fidelity, swinging, potential promiscuity, limits and boundaries. For both partners to be satisfies in a D/s relationship, there must be complete honesty. BrigaBee: 9. What is your definition of respect? My definition of respect is the gratitude and honor you show someone for their actions. Doms earn respect for taking care of their subs. subs earn respect by showing respect for their Doms, but more importantly earn respect for having the strength to submit their own will to other and control their instincts and initial reactions. Honestly, I believe it is much more difficult to be a sub - curbing ones initial reactions and instincts, and taking the effort to please someone I have to say I believe that a sub is the stronger of the two. Subs are always "on" for lack of a better phrase. The respect for a Dom is more overt in language and behavior. However, I believe the respect for a sub is more subtle and is a true sign of a functioning D/s relationship. BrigaBee: 10.What importance does committment play in the D/s relationship? To me, personally, commitment is extremely important in a D/s relationship. To allow someone control over your life, your actions and your body implies a trust that few are ever brave enough to show. For that to happen, for me - there has to be a very hard and concrete commitment between those involved.. You are entrusting your life to someone else - that is the ultimate commitment right there. To not honor that with a commitment of words and actions is making a mockery of the trust you are placing in your Dom. Commitment is at the center of the D/s relationship. Without it, a submissive is just a person that is doing whatever they are told by whomever they are told and to me that is weakness. Without commitment, a Dom/me is just a person who is ordering the actions of all around them who will listen and to me that is obnoxious. Commitment is the bond that cements why W/we do what W/we do - because W/we have trust in our partner. BrigaBee: 11.What have you gained from this experience? I have gained so much from this experience. I've learned a great deal about the D/s lifestyle - truths, myths, misconceptions. I've learned how to look inside myself and be honest about what I want from life even if it is "socially" unacceptable. I've learned how much strength it takes to submit in daily life and how much responsibility a true Dom has for their submissive. I've learned that D/s is a beautiful, graceful, misunderstood culture that definitely doesn't get enough credit. Personally I have gained a master education in myself. From this experience, I have learned I am extremely sexually submissive, and have submissive tendencies, but I do not believe I am a true sub. While it greatly pleases me to please others, giving up that much control in my everyday life doesn't bring me the inner comfort and pleasure that it brings to other submissives. I love being told when I am a good girl, but it has to be by the right person in the right situation and the Academy has taught me that I shouldn't settle for any less than that. It would be easy to pretend that I am a full everyday life sub just to get what I needed sexually, but that wouldn't be honest or right for me or my Dominant and that relationship would never work. Each D/s relationship is different for each couple (or more) and what I have truly learned from this experience is that I need to wait for the situation and the person that truly fits me the best, instead of trying to force something that ultimately wouldn't work. |
