any jokes? (Page 5)

kinggary377
kinggary377: my pet mouse elvis has just died he was caught in a trap
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kinggary377
kinggary377: how to confuse an irishman put two shovels down and tell him to take his pick
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Cajun in Tx
Cajun in Tx: Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution.

"Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time."

The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis......fifty times"
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Last chance Craig
Last chance Craig: What do you call a cow with no legs?


Ground beef
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Most Valuable Player
Most Valuable Player: whats pink and fluffy?..........pink fluff
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Last chance Craig
Last chance Craig: What do you call a dog with no legs?


Nothing, because he won't come anyways
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Wild__
Wild__: A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife

Subject: I've arrived
Date: April 6, 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you're allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!
(Edited by Wild__)
4 years ago Report
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Last chance Craig
Last chance Craig: What do you call a fly with no wings?



A crawl!!
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jbjones1776
jbjones1776: Two explores, one older, one younger were trekking through the African jungle. Suddenly they were captured by a lost african tribe and taken to the tribe's chief. The chief stood before the two men and excalimed "You have trespassed on our sacred land and there are only two choices, death or Majumbo!"

The younger explorer realizes he still has a lot to live for and even though has no idea what it is says, "I choose Majumbo!" The chief replied, "It is spoken! Majumbo!" So all the male warriors grab the man and rape him.

Upon seeing this the older explore is shocked. He thinks to himself, well Ive lived a long time and there is no way I want to go through that. "I choose death!"

The chief stands before the man and says, "It is spoken! Death!....by Majumbo!"
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jbjones1776
jbjones1776: There was once a great Indian chief overlooking the vast plains. One of is warriors comes running up and says "Chief? Is it time for Yapoocha?"

The Chief relied, "I have looked to the east, I have looked to the west. It is not time for Yapoocha"

The next day another warrior came running up and asked, "Chief is it time for Yapoocha?"

The chief replied, "I have looked to the north, I have looked to the south. Its is not time for Yapoocha!"

The next day another warrior comes up to him and says, "Chief is it time for Yapoocha?"

The chief replied, "I have search the stars, and the winds of the plains. It is not time for Yapoocha.."

The next another warrio comes up and asks, "Chief! Is it time for Yapoocha?"

The chief replied, "The spirits have spoken. It is time for Yapoocha! Yapoocha right foot in, Yapoocha right foot out, Yapoocha right foot in and you shake it all about...."
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andrewbray001
andrewbray001: WHY CANT YOU GET A HJ IN NZ ANYMORE..????????
ALL THE CROCKSUCKERS ARE IN AUSTRALIA..

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andrewbray001
andrewbray001: WHY WASNT JESUS BORN IN NZ?????????????????
NO 2 WISE MEN OR......................VIRGIN
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Penny Fathing Legend
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sexyazzfoxy
sexyazzfoxy: What did the Banana Say To The Vibrator...............................What are you shaking for she is going to eat me lol
1 year ago Report
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tohio4you
tohio4you: Cowboy comes upon an overturned Conestoga wagon. Household and clothing articles strewn all over the ground. A dead man laying among the littered area. He spots a woman tied spread eagle, naked on the ground. She says, " help me ! A group of Indians raided our camp, killed my husband, took away my children, and 20 Indians raped me."
Cowboy starts to unbuckle his pants and says, "guess this just aint your day !"
1 year ago Report
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gigglezlots
gigglezlots: Question: What is black&white&black&white&black&white&black&white&black&white&black&white&black&white&black&white&black&white&black&white&black&white&black&white&black&white&black&white&black&white&black&white&black&white&black&white&black&white....?????

Answer: A penguin rolling down a hill,
8 months ago Report
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tonycrous100
tonycrous100: So tbis blind guys walks into a bar.

Poor fuck never saw it coming
5 months ago Report
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soberskarma
soberskarma: Man and a woman find themselves in front of a divorce court judge after 33 years of marriage..
The judge looks at both of them and lets out a long whistle then says "what in the world happened? 33 years is a long time!!"
The woman jumps to her feet and says "I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED!!! Every year on our anniversary it was a tradition that I strip off all my clothes and kneel sown, in front of him then he would pull his dick out and piss all over me and I had to sing the star spangled banner while doing it" The woman trails off into sobs
The judge wide eyed says "You poor thing that must have been awful!!!"
After choking back her sobs and tears the woman looks back at the judge and says "I know I KNOW!!! I HATE that fucking song"
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soberskarma
soberskarma: Why couldnt Helen Keller drive??


she was a woman...
5 months ago Report
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Gaylexdresser
Gaylexdresser: Q:If women with big breast work at Hooters where do women with one leg work at
A:they work at IHOP
What does Kmart and Michael Jackson have in common? ..They both have little boys pants half off
What does a hooker and peanut butter have in common?..they both spread for bread
Why don't fat girls get their pussies get eaten?....ever try to pull a grilled cheese sandwich apart
2 months ago Report
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Gaylexdresser
Gaylexdresser: A man finds a box with two eggs and 5,000 dollars he ask his wife to explain this box .she says to him "Well every time we had really bad sex I put a egg into the box" Man thinks to himself wow two eggs in 3 yrs of marriage not bad.He asks about the money .She says to him"Every time I got a dozen i sold them
2 months ago Report
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Suprmanrocks
Suprmanrocks: Hey y'all. I have joined your party. This is the never ending joke: Pete and Repeat are fishing at the docks. Pete falls off. Who's left?
1 month ago Report
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Suprmanrocks
Suprmanrocks: No reply. Ouch gtg. Peace!
1 month ago Report
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