A DOCTOR THAT CARES

I am so lucky to get a Doctor that cares about me. When she took over my case from the Doctor I had that retired she felt we needed to fight my diabetes agressively because I had been to lax and it was doing uncontrollable damage to my organs that I didn't even realize it was doing. That was a year ago. And wow have I made progress.
First off it started off real good blood sugars started droping things seemed good but she kept insisting that I should see a podiatrist when I was doing my toenails myself.(That is in a earlier blog.) And thanks to her recomendation I have spent months driving back and forth to Lincoln aproximately 120 miles one way for treatment each week that I had to borrow money for in order to pay for the trips. Thanks Doctor.
Now after a reccent break with a lady I was quite attached the last several months the good Doctor has helped my starting me on antideppresents and sitting an appointment with a therapist even though I said I didn't think I needed one but just some time to get over the heartbreak but thank God she knows what is best for me just like seeing that Podiatrist I just hope this time the good Doctors judgement and choice of assistants is better. I am not sure they can fix your mind after the screw it up like my foot was.
I think a pint of ice cream, a good cry, and a few days of sunshine would be a lot better prescription for a broken heart then drugs and some teeny booper telling me about life that she hasn't a clue about.

Looking For Love

Why is it that we put are selves through the pain of getting are hopes up after just talking a few times with someone on a computer or telephone that perhaps they are for me. Then atimes set you prepare yourself with extra care. You pay for the best bath oils, the finest perfumes / cologne and of course the breath fresheners. Everything the finest for this first time meet your hopes riding high.......Then to be crushed like you have no feelings or needs. You are just someone they talked to a few times nobody important just a face in the crowd. It bothers them not to stand you up or cancel at the last moment. Well I guess that leaves you / me to prepare for the next one. Yes there will be another because you / I will we have a need a want to be apart of the norm and not feel alone in a world with millions of people all around us. I think It is time to-----to what get ready for the next one and just hope you don't hurt as bad. For life goes on it is just another day to them not the first day of the rest of thier lives.

Sores On My Foot

Don't really know how to explain what happened on this new sore. I knew it wasn't right and I should have gone back to have them change it. But when you are on a limited budget and it costs $75 to get there and back you are not so quick to jump in your car and go. I should have done some thing but I don't know it is just easier to go with the flow of things any more my daughter calls it giving up but I think it is more of just getting tired of the fight and more complacent with as many years as I have been fighting it. I haven't had a drink in five years but this is one of the hardest times I have had with wanting to drink. I feel like what is the since of not drinking if the sores just continue at least if I started drinking maybe??? I don't know why I feel like I am alone my family and friends all love and care about me but I guess it is like I always said you can't feel other peoples love until you love yourself. I know there are a lot of people a lot worse then I am and I would like to apologize to them for how I feel they have fought the fight a lot longer and harder then I have. And no I will not start drinking as much as I want to that will have to wait I still have some sores to heal up before that ever happens if it ever does. I feel sorry for the young man that put the cast on my foot last week I am sure his boss got onto him about his performance but it was not intentional.I took the them some flowers that I had grew and they sent me a very nice thank you card I thought that was nice. Until next time take care. YFR

Doctors and attitudes

Today I visited a doctor to check on the leakage from the bottom of my foot. After looking at it he said he thought it looked pretty good considering the poor blood supply it has to work with. Then he stated it should be trimmed up a little around the hole and proceed to do so. After he was done he then questioned me on my care of it and I told him which he agreed was fine. Then I was told to come back in two weeks which is fine. As I was walking out I thought about what was said. Thought it looked good considering poor blood supply. It was almost making me think it was my fault. Well on my last and also the first to this man. He made the commit about trimming the old wound on the bottom of my foot that never had a problem for at least two years. I told him then that I didn't think we should mess with it but he assured me that he had been doing this along time and knew what he was doing. He then trimmed the old wound which he said he knew what he was doing then why 4 days later I noticed a brown drainage on my sock. That is when I started taking care of it the way I knew how from over 8 years experience from this type of thing. If I would have just told him to leave it alone and not allowed the expert to whittle on my foot there would be no drainage there right now and how many months is it going to take to heal again. I am just glad some in are health care system go with the theory that if it is not broke don't try and fix it. I have worked with a lot of Dr."s and nurses along with all the others involved in the operating of a hospital or clinic. 99.99% are great wonderful people It just takes one to put a sour taste in your mouth that is hard to get rid of. YFR

Rest In Peace Troy

Troy A. Henry was driving a 2010 Harley Davidson motorcycle on Wednesday afternoon when he lost control and hit the rear of a pickup turning onto another road. He was wearing a helmet but died on the scene. He was well liked, respected, owned, and operated the Black Dragon Tatoos shop in Hastings Nebraska. Your Friends Miss You Already

Part 3 : Sexual Abuse

I was at the camper before I realized I forgot my shoes, socks, shirt, and coat but I didn't care then I was crying so hard I couldn't even catch my breath. When I got there I had a hard time reaching the door but finally got in then the light came on there was Dad on top of Mom with her legs spread. I was crying so hard I couldn't talk I tried but it wouldn't come out and every thing I tried to say was so muffled by the sobbing. Finally Dad just screamed at me to get the "HELL OUT OF HERE". Then Mom said very calmly " Ralph you wanted to stay in the house and promised to stay there, now go back in". I was crying so hard I just turned around and left. As I walked towards the house I seen all the lights were out again and I wasn't going back in. By the time I got to the porch the cold was starting to get to me. I sat down and leaned up against the side of the house and started pulling Texas sand burrs out of my feet till I started shaking from the cold to bad. Then I seen the dog house and there were those chicken feed bags in there for the dog to keep warm. I took the bags and wrapped up my feet with one. There was enough of them that I covered both arms, my back, chest, and one for my head. The dog soon came over and laid on my feet to warm himself I guess since I had his bags. That is when I saw him, the man in the sky upside down with what looked like a bow. I laid there in the dark shivering and watching the man climb across the sky till he finally disappeared. I laid there with the cows bellowing in the distance along with the coyotes as the tears ran down my face and I waited for the warmth of the sun. Your Friend Ralph

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Copy write pending 7/7/ 2011

Part 2 : Sexual Abuse

The next thing I remember, still gives me the chills to this day. I had this really stinky hand that stank terrible bad covering my mouth and some one was holding my hands so that I couldn't do nothing. I couldn't figure out what was going on. All of a sudden I felt some thing slick being put on my bottom then some thing was going in my butt I tried kicking and screaming then I figured out it was some ones finger. First one I think then another hurting more each time he was moving them in and out. Then it stopped for a little while as he did some thing more with the greasy stuff. I was so glad it had stopped, then it started for real. Some thing that felt huge was being shoved in my butt. It hurt so bad I was crying but there was no sound except when I sucked in air through the snot and tears while trying to breath. It seamed like forever the burning tearing pain in my butt. But it did stop after I felt some thing wet on my butt check. After a few minutes I felt his hand loosen as the person holding my hands was trying to turn me the other way. That is when I saw the the face of the middle brother. I was staring right at him and seen a big grin on his face. I hated him so much at that time. Then I felt the hand slip and that was when I got out a short scream. But quickly covered my mouth again. Then they started turning me the rest of the way over. Then all of a sudden the light came on and he was standing there. He was the youngest of the three brothers. He told them to let me go in a real mean voice that was very loud. They let me go and he told me to go to my parents,"NOW" he said again real mean like. I grabbed my shorts and pulled them back up. I then grabbed my jeans and ran out. Your Friend Ralph

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Copy write pending 7/7/20011

Part 1 : Sexual Abuse

Well I really don't know how to start so I'm going to make it like I remembered.

I was watching a star come up om the horizon it was so bright I couldn't believe it could be that bright. The group of stars that formed an upside down man had disappeared hours before. But now this new star was special I could tell. Then I heard the door start to open. The youngest of the three brothers was coming out the dog up ran to greet him. He went over and took dog food out of the sack and filled the dog bowl. He is staring at me. I'm so cold and scared that I'm shaking uncontrollable. He removes the chicken feed bags that I used to keep warm with the night before.It was very crisp out the frost was sitting in on every thing like any November morning in the Sandhills of Nebraska. After he removed the bags he picked me up since i didn't weigh much at 5 1/2 years old. I was still pretending to be asleep as he carried me inside. I felt safe with him now as i started to remember things as he laid me out on the floor next to the stove and took a blanket and covered me. He told me that "I know you are not asleep but you are OK now". It was then as I drifted off to sleep and remembered what happened.
They all had been drinking and telling stories about Dad and how they would all go rounding up mustangs in th thirties in Arizona and New Mexico. I was fascinated as any young boy would be. As the night wore on and it got late people started going into their campers and beds to get up early for the Grouse hunting. It was then that I made my fatal mistake. I begged Mom and Dad to let me stay in house instead of going out to the camper with them Finally they did agree as long as I stayed in there and didn't change my mind later. I so agreed that I promised I wouldn't and prepared myself for bed. I crawled into this great big feather tick bed it was so huge I thought I was finally growing up as I drifted off to sleep. Your Friend Ralph

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This is part one of three parts. Copy write pending 7/7/2011

Un wanted material to read

It is nice when you can go to peoples blogs to read stories that they have written or things about them they have lived. I enjoy reading the poems and tidbits that people talk about in the forums and clubs. Now I will become one of the many complainers because of one person that apparently has a mental problem. He insists on going to IM to try and get people to read the trash and garbage that he thinks is quality work. I think this person has a mental problem that should not be ignored. We should all think very hard about blocking this kind of filth, being that it is much worse then any nudity or sexual statement ever made. I was hopping he would just go away but a lass I told him I didn't like his ( so called) writing. Now he is sending more IM's trying to ridicule me for not wanting to here crap. I really don't think I have to put up with any GHOST writers. Thank you for your time and any comments on this subject.

More Orders

Camp Douglas Chicago Ill.

July 2nd, 1865

Gnardo and Pickets will (-pass- is the word I think -?) I. G. Graham out of lines until July 4th, 1865.


Capt G W Reynolds

Co 'K' 83rd Ills vols

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The paper for this one looked like an offical with a what looks like a capital dome with two smaller domes on the side of the big one.